the adventures of uncanny Hidz@d

2006-05-21T07:45:00.000+08:00

sergio mendes

I was at the Cotton Club with some friends to have drinks, listen to some jazz and hang out last Friday night. Its always been a place that I've wanted to go into. Walk by outside the place, and look into the floor to ceiling glass windows and I got vibes of a classy and mellow place to hang out with its minimalist and slightly quirky decor. Just my kinda place.

You see, I'm a sucker for appearances. Show me a place with great ambience and I'm tempted. Temptation's a bitch cos doesn't matter how many times I've been smacked on the head with that great big book with that beautiful cover, I still forget to look at the contents. I'm not saying we had a bad time there, cos we had a brilliant time. Put us all together in some dingy attic overlooking a desert, and we'd still probably make a good time of it. But once you're in a place, you get a feel for it. I still saw the the great art on the walls, the Ally Mcbeal-ish unisex washroom, the oh-so-painful-but-so-chic to sit on couches and the brilliant live jazz band. But the smaller things seem to creep up and take a hold inside. Like the disappointing pasta and the waitress that had that absolute weird accent. I'm not sure if she was some foreigner or just trying way too hard to sound hoitty toitty posh. She mentioned that it was ladies night and - but she also kindly forgot to mention that only certain drinks were on the house for the ladies in our group.

Certain small, niggling bits and pieces do ruin big things. Its kinda like with people. From a distance there's aways a perception. But get closer and start peeling away at the layers. Things start falling out. A bit of this and some of that. And these are the things that I have in the back of my mind when someone starts becoming a bit dodgy or there's that weird feeling about someone. Kinda feel that I know what Spidey meant when his spider sense is tingling. Though I gotta say no part of my ass or anywhere else tingles - well at least not too often. And even thats only cos of insect bites. But its not like I'm insect infestated anyhow. Ramble, ramble.

Peel, peel, peel. Certain things or people disappoint. But the special things in life always seem to have more layers to to surprise.

2006-05-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

Do I hug and kiss?

I happened to look at my long forgotten bog due to a comment someone made to me. Lo and behold its still there. Went 'round viewing blogs by Fqrl and Hazry and the themes were familiar and close to me. Stories of a chapter ending in our lives and a sense of resignation that things will never be the same.

Where did the years go? I have a new job now in KL doing something I pretty much stumbled into. Its been a wild 1 month on the job and I feel privileged to be in the position I am. God knows why a multinational organization is looking to entrust me with certain responsibilities. If only they knew. But the thing I've been thinking about is that I don't feel like I'm gonna be 25 on the 28th this month. If it was up to me, I'd enroll right back into Uni again. The thought that I need to resemble some sort of functional responsible adult mildly lingers at the back of my mind. And to be frank, I don't really feel I want that. I want to have fun, to be spontaneous with my friends on weekdays, to be able to walk next door for a round of Playstation, to know that my buddies are always a short distance away.

But now I have to show leadership qualities to highlight the brand and drive business initiative, whatever that means. I have to make sure I shine above others, to be someone my colleagues can look up to, to create a Customer Experience Action Plan or whatever bombastic name I can call my initiative, and to actually even provide feedback on other peoples performance. Wtf? I don't even know when my road tax expires, or even be bothered to throw stale cheese outta the fridge. Hell, I have a freakin' washing machine in the apartment which I have no idea how to use. The typical trials and tribulations of a pampered single occupant of an apartment, perhaps?

I realize things won't be the same with all the friends I've been privileged to meet in the past years in Uni. Its one of those things we say will never happen. We make flase promises to keep in touch and to see each other often but it never quite works out like that. C'est la vie. But I do hope that when our paths cross, we'll still have the bond that made things around me so easy. And I'm also blessed to have met so many new and brilliant people recently. It really has been a whirlwind recently and I'm still struggling to keep my feet on the ground at times.

I haven't written in awhile so I realize I've rambled. So sue me. Biatch!

2005-12-09T04:22:00.000+08:00

ayu....

"Hidzad! My girlfriend is coming back from Bahrain in two days but I have an off day from work tomorrow! Jom keluar! Aku belanja semua!I won 1,200 bucks betting on Champions League football."

Alright, so it was me, VJ and Pradeep, the usual Bar, Food, Booze and Club gang. Sathian was supposed to come along but he ran into a rather sudden difficulty. Namely, his disapproving girlfriend.

So we're sitting at the bar in Chili's and we're digging into a shared meal of cajun fajitas. They're all chugging away on Stout while I try to manfully down my mango juice. As previous times before, there's a lady sitting all alone by herself at the bar. She's a different person from the one we usually see but sure enough, she speaks with a Filipino accent. And absolutely on time, a bald, chubby Chinese guy chats her up. Ka-ching! Free dinner and breakfast the next day for you, maam, I suppose. So Filipino quasi-hooker lady is stuffing some Ceasar salad into her pie hole when suddenly she calls the nice bartender girl.

"Hey! Do you see what this is?? Its a cockroach egg on my lettuce! How can this happen??! Don't you know I'm a customer here and I'm supposed to get the best service possible! I want to speak to your manager!"

Ka-ching. And here comes free lunch too for the lady.

So Pregnant Manager Lady comes along and tries to assuage Ms Hooker's feelings by apologizing and saying that the meal is complimentary and they'll throw in a dessert too. So does Hooker Chick let it go while the going's good?

"Hey! Its not about the money! I don't care about the money. This meal is just small change to me! Ok? Small money! What if I have food poisoning after this??! Huh? Then I'll know who to sue. I'll sue Chilis. Ok?! I'm the customer and its not bout the money! This is small money to me!"

Yeah, yeah, keep on it, lady. I bet you probably threw that cockroach egg onto your plate from your big ol purse. Bet you got a few crickets in there too. Maybe if we're lucky you'll pull out a rabbit. Ta-da.

So we're done with the drama and decide to head to Absolute Chemistry in Bangsar cos Kanaa who happened to be in MidV and decided to join us said he could get a discounted price for a bottle of booze there. We get a corner booth at Absolute and the guys order a bottle of Chivas. VJ pulls out the moolah and passes it to Pradeep. He gives it to me and asks me to count it out. He's a bit shaky after all those mugs of Stout and since I'm the only sober person left in the bunch, I'm the accountant and chaffeur for the night. I count out 300 bucks and pass it to Kanaa and he gives it to the waiter dude. When the change comes back, we only get bout 27 bucks when its supposed to amount to 77 bucks. We accidentally gave the waiter 300 bucks when we shoulda given him only 250.

Here comes the drama. Again.

We enquire to Idiot Waiter bout the rest of our money. He says that we only gave him 250. Fucker! We gave you 300! So it turns into a brouhaha as the waiter now says since its illogical for us to have given him 300. What? WHo the fuck cares if it was illogical. Its our money to give and its your damn job to give the correct amount back, you dipshit. So it goes back and forth with the waiter, cashier, manager and bouncer, and then us. Kanaa looks ready to go at 'em but me and VJ try to cool the situation down. Pradeep is pretty much semi wasted. Alright, so we got no proof that we gave 300 bucks. FIne, take the damn 50 bucks. What goes around comes around you dipshits. We decide to just continue having a good time, but Kanaa is pretty much smouldering.

"Kanaa. Minum! Minum!"

After bout 6 mugs of Stout and a bottle of Chivas, you can imagine the condition of my friends. And all the while I'm nursing a couple glasses of Coke.

"Guys! The Coke is free flow right?? You think they watered it down?"

"Eh, shaddup lah, Hidzad. Salut!!"

While we were there a lady stops by our table and passes out free samples of Durex condoms. Hmm, I've never seen a condom wrapper up close so I get curious.

'Extra silky. Please massage cachet before use.'

"Pradeep, what the hell does massaging the cachet mean?"

"It means.... You gotta massage your.. Ya know... Your thang."

"Whatthafuck?? It says cachet. I dunno what a cachet is but I know it ain't that, dumbass. VJ! What the hell does massaging your cachet as it says on the back of this thing mean? Pradeep says you gotta massage your anu before you use it."

"Idiots. Now tell me why you're listening to Dumber & Dumberest. You gotta massage the condom la. Make it more elastic or some shit like that. And not massage your whatever. I have friends for idiots."

"Oooooooooh..."

They're done with the bottle of Chivas so I think we're done for the night.

"Macha! Hidzad! The night is still young! Lets go clubbin' at Castle!"

Crap. I'm way above my tolerance level of drunk friends and second hand smoke. But hey, all for one and one for all and crap like that. After half an hour at Castle I'm utterly bored outta my mind. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. I have multiple left feet and am considered a menace to society on the dance floor in three states. So I head out and buy an issue of Klue at the 7-E and proceed to park my ass on the sidewalk.

So the guys finally come out and we head back home.

"Hidzad! I'm driving!"

"VJ! Stupid or what. If the cops stop us and give you a breathalyzer test, I swear the thing will explode cos it can't handle the amount of alcohol you had."

"Nope. I'm driving back."

"FUcker!"

"Ok ok. We trade. You gimme the free condom you got and I'll give you the keys."

"Idiot."

I pop in a mixtape cd I burned. I call it Hidzad's Post-Drunk MixTape Volume 1. So while the song Home by Michael Buble is playing, I hear snatches of a conversation from the backseat between Kanaa and PRadeep.

"Pradeep, my girlfriend has small knees."

"Why do you say that."

"Cos she does karate... See, she can even do those splits. She does 'em really well. She totally stretches out her legs."

"Yeah yeah so she gets small knees."

Huh?? I absolutely see no connection between karata, splits and small knees.

We're almost back when suddenly there's a roadblock.

"Hidzad, shit its the po-po!"

"Say what, man? You want a popiah?"

"Ok, I'm gonna pretend to be drunk and totally passed out."

"Whatthefuck??"

So Vj totally just collapses in the passenger seat.

"VJ! Whatthefuck! Why are you pretending to be passed out?? Do you WANT us to be stopped, you idiot?? Wei! Get up, you idiot! Answer me la!"

Silence.

"Jackass."

We roll up to the roadblock and I roll down my window. Shit, I sooo know we're gonna get stopped. So the cop takes a look at us, which includes the newly slumped over Pradeep and Kanaa too, and says Ok, go ahead.

EH??

"Dude! they let us go."

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Ahhh you see, my inexperienced friend.... If they saw you driving and all of us wide awake, they woulda thought you drank as well and woulda stopped us. But instead, what they see is the designated driver bringing back his inebriated colleagues back home from a night out. Brilliant, right?"

"Drunkard bastards."

2005-11-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

zombie! zombie!

I dropped in when the Final Year Project presentations were being held. They were held for two days over a number of rooms. I just watched mostly my friends presentations.

I never knew how brutal the process could be for some. Final Year students are required to present their work which they've implemented over the course of a semester. Each student must then give a brief intro on their project and then conduct a demonstration in front of a three person panel which consists of randomly selected lecturers. Sounds like a piece of cake, huh? So did I.

Watching it all up close was like taking in a jacked up Malaysian Idol on cocaine. Everything seems to go fine until the panel suddenly decides to perk up and let loose with criticism and comments. I understand the process is supposed to be for a student to prove that they've completed their project themselves and to defend their position on it. But I loathe the way a lot of lecturers ar completely unprofessional and easily biased throughout the process. You know the Ultimate Bitch Lecturer is gonna cos problems and try to knock you to the ground while happily trying to shatter your confidence. That's a moot point. Better say your prayers if you get her on your panel. But there are a quite a few who just seem to love dishing out criticisms which border on thinly veiled insults. There's absolutely nothing constructive about it. And the worse part is when they have no concept of understanding on the underlying work and process that has gone into the project. All they see is the end result and then proceed to try their damn best to tear it down.

Then there are the one's who don't even bother paying attention. That would be fine and dandy if they just shut up throughout the whole process, but noooo... they have to open their big mouths and competely ask irrelevant questions. And then the student is forced to answer a completely stupid. Even better is when the lecturer seems to be unsatisfied with the answer to the stupid question. Then they turn belligerent and attempt to shoot their mouths off even more. What's the student supposed to do? I've seen a few attempt to point out the obvious with no luck up til a point I swear a vein in their forehead is gonna burst. Then there are the others who give in to their frustration and anger by giving a lippy reply back. Not exactly the smartest thing to do but it probably feels damn good. Might as well go down in a blaze of glory.

It's absolutely fucking frustrating just watching the panel tear down a student and then inexplicably let some other student with a similarly completed project pass without a whimper. At least even in Malaysian Idol you know the judges are gonna be consistent. Paul is gonna be negative with a few too well thought out quoutes, Roslan is gonna be straight up honest, while Gee attempts to soothe. But here, its just a crapshoot. You just better pray you're lucky that the panel are in a good mood, or they've just eaten lunch, can't be bothered, or just don't understand the project you've done.

It just pisses the hell outta me when I've seen people I know who've worked tremendously hard but be subjected to a blindingly assanine panel and have their work cut up like its worthless because the panel doesnt understand the complexity of the process to achieve the end result. I gotta say that I've lost a lot of respect for quite a few of the lecturers who I see walking around here. And most of everyone here is with me on this.

2005-11-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

i was born to make you happy

Tim is blasting they whole Birtney Spears album happily away. Now I know how those Iraqi POWs felt when they were tortured by this at Guantanamo Bay. Oh, please make it stop. Please, before I sneak up on him and proceed to rip the speaker out and throw it and Tim outta the 5th floor window. I mean, c'mon! Britney fuckin' Spears??! What kinda self respecting person lets other people know they're listening to the consort of wannabe gangsa rapper K-Fed. Just shoot me. Now.

So since I can't sleep I'm making a top 5 list of things that people do that drive me fuckin' insane.

1. Playing damn fuckin' B.Spears when I wanna sleep. This is just extreme noise pollution and you should be extradited to the US and be held for trial on charges of terrorism on a foreign soil.

2. People who can't be bothered. This goes in relation to them being late, not replying messages, leaving people hanging in the dark. I mean, hey- I made an effort to be there or to talk to you or to treat you like decent human being. The least you could do is to reci- aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiIIIIIEEEEEEE....!!!!

Damn you, Tim! You're playin' ah beng techno remixes of Britney now????!!! Toing - ta- toing - toing... !

There. His speakers have just been violently ripped outta their sockets. Peace. The golden sound of silence.

3. Dammit I lost my train of thought. Crap. I'll continue this list sometime.

I went for an interview for a position at HSBC. The screening interview was held at JobStreet in KL. 4 people were in my session applying for that position. They had a few tests where there was a cut off point for each of them. It felt like Tribal Council for Survivior HSBC.

"Rani, can I see you outside for a moment please."

I got through ok and sat in for an interview. It was only my 2nd interview ever. Funny how both of my interviews have been for positions which I am completely unqualified for. But at least this position didn't require a lot of technical skills. Just a big mouth and quick thinking. Right up my alley when I'm in the mood. The interview was much more enjoyable that I thought it would be. It helped that my interviewer looked to be only in her late 20's and we got along pretty well and talked quite a bit bout matters unrelated to the job.

I'm up for a final interview sometime next week at HSBC. Apparently some mat salleh dude is gonna be my interviewer then.

"Don't make jokes. Conduct yourself well and act professionally."

Hey, lady. Did you not notice my blinged out cuff links? No matter that they're borrowed. As is my tie, shirt and belt. But I know I at least look the part of a young ambitious exec.

So we'll see how the final interview goes. Don't really know if I want the job cos I still have my Final Year project to do. Huge pain in the ass.

2005-11-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

fork in the road

I remember the last exam I took during my SPM. It was Lukisan Kejuruteraan. I remember that my hair was long and I wore an alice band before it became popularized by Beckham et al. Who knew I would be a fashion trailblazer. What I remember the most about that last exam was what I did after it. I remember us guys going to the school field which was just across the small road from the exam hall. Someone threw in a football and we played our hearts out. Screaming, jumping, running and generally acting like maniacs in glee. I remember the weather. It started to absolutely pour when we were playing. And I mean tropical monsoon season rain peltering us. And I remember that it made those moments even more enjoyable. Someone kicked the ball and it rolled conveniently to the side of the exam hall. And we all ran over to grab the hall back. We ran back cos we wanted to rub it in to those poor souls that were still taking their exams in there. Luckless bastards. Hah! We all just stood by the side of the exam hall and grinned our asses off as we waved at those Biology losers. Then a teacher shooed us off and we all ran back to the field.

"Hey kamu semua!! Ada kilat tu! Pergi masuk dalam kelas masing-masing!!"

"Say what, maam? Continue playing in the rain and have the best stupid fun in our lives? Ok will do, maam!"

I don't really remember much bout the last exam I took at Uniten. I know it was Advanced Java and I sat behind Halimatul. But I can't recall much of it with any detail. All I can remember is a sense of disappointment that I knew I wouldn't do well cos I barely knew what was going on in the exam paper. I know I'd be lucky to get outta this one alive. And I remember walking outta my last exam in Uniten without even talking to anyone and just leaving the exam hall. I guess the words that sum that moment are, "Man, this sucks."

2005-11-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

i was in the death cab with cutie

You know the type of people I hate? The wannabe 90210 type. The type that believe that they're living in the OC. The one's that go "Oh, hellooooo.." and "What-ever", and actually manage to say it with a straight face and no sense of humour.

I have great friends. The people that I call my friends are the ones that I can be myself with. They allow me to goof off, to shoot my mouth off, to needle them and trade insults. In other words, they're the ones that let me be a complete jerk without having to feel bad about it. I never really looked at the friends I had. Guess I've had fun with them for so long that I take it for granted that other people out there are like them too. Huge mistake. Of epic proportions recently. Especially if it involves girls. Most girls just don't make for good friends. I can count on a few fingers my friends who are girls and are completely cool to me. That's the kicker. They're cool to me. So its my definition of cool. If i think cool is doing the funky chicken in the midst of strangers or checking themselves out in a mirror that somehow doesn' seem to be obnoxious for some reason for her, hey that's my opinion.

I've seen how girls are friends amongst themselves. When they're all together its all lovely. Its all hugs and air kisses. But try talking with just one or two of 'em. Suddenly all the worms come coming out. She hates her. She dissed me three weeks ago. She doesn't know anything about. Why is she so tak malu. What a biatch. I know she looked at me wrong. Bla bla bla.

The hugest mistake I could make is being myself with someone who I don't know well. Someone who doesn't make me feel comfy around 'em. Somehow something small can be blown up and I'm left with egg all over my face and all that I can muster is a "Huh?".

I gotta keep reminding myself after this. Life is changing, man. Watch your words except when around the very few. The moments when I can just kick loose and be myself look like they're gonna be rare now. But during the moments that you can't handle me being myself, the moments when I can't stop being myself, then fuck you.

2005-10-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

experience has left my ignorance shot

I'm gonna be outta my hostel accommodations at Uniten soon. And I probably won't be back permanently. Cos I actually have finished all my subjects! Well, there's just that lil project left to actually do. But hey, I'll get thru that. I hope. Please, dear God, please. How I am supposed to get a job without a freakin' degree that's taken forever for me to get. Hopefully. Please pleasepleaseplease. And I did get a call from Western Digital to attend an interview for a FA/Firmware Engineer position. And no, I have no idea in hell what that means. So I just went for the experience and was bombarded with an assembly language and C programming test. Amma. Just shoot me. But the interview was pretty ok. I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I was more suitable positions which were not advertised (and which I actually understood what I was required to do), which was actually a pretty dumb move in retrospect. But at the end of it, Mr Interviewer did say he liked me a lot and would pass my resume to his boss to see if there would be more relevant postions that I could interview for. Don't know if it was him just blowing some smoke, but hey, I'll just be ignorantly kinda satisfied by it. At least I didn't stutter and go dumb. Though I did blow some smoke in his direction during the interview.

But I digress. As usual.

Since I'm outta subjects, I won't be spending any more time in my sumptuous accommodations with anymore housemates. Which is slightly sad cos I do think I'll miss hanging out with they guys. Or at least passing by the junior guy who lives in my apartment but doesn't seem to say anything and whose room smells like Snoop Dog's bong room. I guess my best set of housemates has gotta be from a year ago. I roomed with DD, Joe and Faqroul. Farid was next door. We'd used to do all sorts of group buddy stuff like midnight runs to A&W PJ to hitting the pasar ramadhan to check out all the hottest mithali babes and going to Telawi in our pj's and flip flops. Well actually me, Farid, DD and Faqroul did most of that. The only time when Joe wasn't chained to his girlfriend was the one time we went to Hartamas Square and pretended to be cool. Its always the dumb things that make me smile fondly. Like how we used to all msn each other online from our individual rooms to agree on dinner logistics despite the fact we were living in the same apartment. And how Farid would sneak over from next door to my room and whisper that he needed a few packets of Cadbury's 3 in 1 hot choc packet. Me, Faqroul and Joe always kept the 3 in 1 packets hidden from DD cos he was a bit of an ass with 'em. We left em out early on in the sem and we'd find the whole damn package filled with packets empty within a few days. I swear DD thought the 3 in 1 meant that he had to pour out 3 packets in one mug to make hot choc. So rather than be without a supply or actually bug him, we just hid all our stuff, which kinda included bread etc not, in our rooms and just msn-ed or did secret knocks to get em from each other. But I guess we did leave a few packets and few slices of nearly expired bread for DD. Hey, we ain't all that cruel. But I do hope I get to create a few more fond memories soon.

2005-10-02T19:01:00.000+08:00

wrong turns

So me and Sathia head out for lunch nearby.

"Who's driving, man?"

"You drive."

"No, you drive la."

"What??"

"This is lame. Lets settle this like men. Paper, rocks scissors. None of this burung stuff okay."

"Papers rocks scissors. Got it."

"Hah! Paper won!"

"Whatthefuck?? You lying asshole, Hidzad! You drive!"

"Ya lah ya lah."

"Plus you look like you haven't even bathed yet."

"Shut up and get in the car."

"I'm hungry as hell but I haven't got much money, Hidzad."

"Me too and me neither."

"Lets just go eat somewhere nearby okay."

"Okay."

"So where we going."

"I dunno."

"So?"

"Lets go to Bangsar!!"

"Amma."

"Sotong goreng, man!"

"I'm veggie today. Tauhu will do it."

"Pour on the curry!"

"You like this stuff more than me. And I'm Indian."

"I'm Blackalay."

"Burrrrrrppppp."

And this was the last thing I saw before I blacked out on an overdose of curry, drugged rice and papaddum.

2005-10-02T01:31:00.000+08:00

my vitriol

I was one of the photographers for the Students Council Annual Dinner at Shangri-La Putrajaya. Well, actually I came for the free food but was co-erced into snapping shots of the event. Which wasn't such a bad gig cos I got to go everywhere and talk to everyone. And coincidentally Tun Dr. M was there too. He met President Musharraf for a dinner thingy. I wish I could've had the oppurtunity to take a few snaps of the person my dad idolizes but I couldn't as I was helping out in the ballroom. But maybe it was for the better cos one of the bodyguards might've had itchy fingers and I woulda been splattered all over the nice mosaic. The event was fine and everything. It seemed to be a junior schmoozing event in preparation for the big time. Ain't so hard to do actually.

"Sirs, would you like to pose for an official picture?"

"Ladies, you look absolutely lovely. Care to pose?"

"Senyum. Jangan tahan-tahan."

La la la.

I had to bug outta there before 12 as Tottenham Hotspur, the team that beats to the same beat as my heart, the badge I proudly display on my chest, the players and style of play and sense of flair that so encapsulated me, were playing on that night and a delayed telecast was being shown on Supersport.

And you know what????

Not a SINGLE damn kedai mamak was showing the game. Argh! Instead they were all showing West Ham vs Sunderland on ESPN. Who the hell watches West Ham or Sunderland. There isn't a single supporter of those teams here! I stop by Hassan and ask the old dude glued to the tv there, "Cik, tengok game ni ke?"

And he gives me a fuckin 'why are you talking to me' stare and babbles out a "Ye tengok."

Whatthefuck.

I KNOW you don't know shit bout either West Ham or Sunderland. Switch the channel and watch Spurs play with verve, with flair and pace, you dumbfuck. Watchthe tigerish Davids harass and hustle for every ball in midfield. Watch the exuberance and sheer blinding pace of the the impish Lennon, the youngest goalscorer in the Premiership when he was 16. See the Egyptian Mido battle and bruise the Charlton centrebacks. Learn from the calm and always brilliantly position Naybet. But what do you do, you old fogie? You watch hooligan scum West Ham go up against nobodies Sunderland, you dumb twat.

I put pedal to the metal to four(!) different mamak joints and they're all showing West Ham / Sunderland. Not a single one is showing Spurs. Unfuckingbelievable. I know its a delayed game and it takes a huge effort to actually freakin switch channels form the moronic Man Utd game you were watching previously, but you still shoulda changed channels! Fuckin' fucks.

You people just wait til Spurs win the league. ESPN will be showing Spurs on a weekly basis til your eyes fall out and til your ears ring with me crowing. Either that or I'll open my own mamak joint and have a strict 'I watch anything I fuckin want' policy. And you know that means I won't be putting on any Man Utd or Chelsea game.

Do you know what I missed? A spectacular gritty comeback full of heart by Spurs. Trailing 2-0 we clawed back and won it with a brilliant finish by Keane.This season's team under Jol is a reincarnation of the Spurs of old. The Spurs team that played the Nicholson way. To merely win is never enough. A victory must be done with flair and style. That is the way we do it. A style that was executed by the likes of Branchflower and passed on to Hoddle, Ardilles, Villa, Lineker then Gazza, and then onto the Magnificent Five of Klinsmann, Anderton, Barmby, Dumitrescu and Sheringham. Now it looks like we're reviving it with the trickery and pace of Defoe and Lennon, the drive and tenacity of Davids and Tanio, the composure and skill of Carrick and the rock hard King and the upcoming stars in Huddlestone, Ziegler, Routledge, and Dawson. This is a legendary team in the making that plays close to our tradition.

So fuck y'all, sheep. Scumbags.

2005-09-24T15:05:00.000+08:00

hear ye hear ye read all about it

Just a few quick updates here. I've updated the links for Burn and Tash. Think I got 'em right. Added another link to a fave blog of mine. He's a bouncer at a strip club, hence the reason why its a fave read of mine.

BlogBack which provides the comment service on my blog will cease operations soon. So I'll probably hafta replace it with something else. Not sure yet when I'll do it or replace it with what. What can I say, I'm a very lame IT undergrad. Sorry that I'm gonna lose all the comments posted by anyone who was nice enough to write. My apologies. Mala suerte.

Oh. And to that kid who beat me at pool in All Star. If you're reading this bucko, I want a rematch! And this time you cant rig it. I know what you did last time, kiddo. You were losing and your hot older sis just had to happen to drop in right?? Bring it, bitch.

I am officially an unmotivated slacker. I need ideas on how to light a fire up my ass. The self-made sign i put on my wall which reads "I ain't gonna sell burgers as a career" really isnt helping. Pah.

In the past few days I've managed to catch Cinderella Man and Flightplan. Cinderella Man was one of those American-ish 'you know its coming' heart-string puller. A bit less so than Remember the Titans, but along those lines. Caught Flightplan after my Management test with Sathia, Pradeep and Zhi Yen. Bumped into Jun Da, Ru Kai, Elle and a bunch of other Uniten people in the cinema. Guess everyone finished their respectives tests and decided to catch a flick. Uniten FC in the house. I love it when I end up finishing someone elses Cheezels. Flightplan was great for the first three quarters of the movie.It had a very Phone Booth and Panic Room calustrophobic feel to it. It also had quite a bit of a Hitchcock undertone about it. The mood of the movie was very somber and minimalist. The tension was built up craftily and you could really feel the fear and panic manifesting. Througout the first three quarters, I could never really know what exactly was going on. Kinda like watching episodes of Lost. But Jodie Foster does get annoying when she does the whole 'I love my daughter no matter what and I'm a pushy American' routine. So three quarters thru it, they give it an M. Night Shyamalan twist. And the twist is pretty good. Very good. But they execute it poorly and I was left with a feeling that it was rushed. Somehow it felt like the last quarter of the movie was directed by the Die Hard triogy director. It was all bang up Hollywood la-la land style. Where did that great, intense and edgy movie I was watching go to? Instead I had a lithe, blonde Bruce Willis running around inside an airplane now. Plus they had to explode at least something in the end. Typical. What could have been a awesome, taut movie ended rather limply. Also managed to catch the Stomp performance in Istana Budaya. It had its moments, though there were parts of it that had the thought of 'Hey I could do this' in my head. Well I could have done it if I actually had a sense of rhythm.

"Guilty feet, I got no rhythm."

2005-09-18T03:11:00.000+08:00

i read that smoking kills, so i've decided to stop reading

Some things in life just shouldn't be mixed together. Like Bert and Ernie. Or A guy in a womens shoe store. They're just not right. Same thing goes with a combustible combination of a couple of broke guys on a perfect day. I hadn't seen VJ in awhile so decided to take Pradeep along with me to Puchong for a quick late lunch among the guys. The plan was supposedly a maggi goreng at the nearest mamak. But then Pradeep uttered the magic words...

"Jom pegi Chilis nak?""

Uhmm... Oooh.. Aaah... Errr... Cue a couple of feeble protestations such as lack of money and mountains of work that were piling up that needed attention. But hey, you only live once right?

So of we went with wind beneath our wings and a grand total of nine bucks combined in our wallets with a quick prayer that there would be at least something in our ATM accounts. And as usual, one thing led to another. First it was the seats by the bar to accommodate Pradeep's and VJ's smoking. Then it was the conversation between them that went along the lines of, "Eh macha lets get some Stout!" Ka-ching. And I swear you haven't seen people drinking til youve seen Indian people drinking. "Bartender! Keep it coming!"

I've always found those Heineken ads that they show before movies completely cheesy. Whoever heard of blowing music with beer bottles and making eyes at every single person around you at the bar. I mean, you just sit at a bar with a bottle of your poison of choice and women start dropping onto your lap and guys become best beer buddies in an eyeblink? C'mon, you gotta be kiddin' me, right. But whoa, as the pints kept coming and going in front of VJ and Pradeep, I swear people were getting friendlier with us. Two chinamen made conversation over the food in front of us (Triple Play, Monterrey Chicken and Fajitas Quasedillas oooh la la). Two girls on the opposite end of the table made eyes at us. I swear thats the truth. An expat lady with someone I presume to be her husband at her side kept giving sideways glances at Pradeep. And hey remember I was completely sober throughout all this. A lembut guy at a table beside the bar gave me looks (awww man, not again). NerdChinaman who was drinking beside us alone suddenly picks up a Filipino lady at the other end of the bar who was drinking alone herself. We were all like "Awwww man, if NerdChinaman can do it...." And obviously enough since VJ's sense of reasoning was pretty much out the window he got a lil annoyed by this. He took it upon himself to meet the Filipino lady as she was walking outta the bathroom to get her number. Score! Pity poor NerdChinaman who'd done the dirty work of actually acting interested to everything she was saying. We were there for probably around 3 hours. And the thing that amazed me was that there were groups of people that came before us and were still there. Besides making eyes, I learned several valubale lessons that will take me far in life:

1. Margaritas are for pussies. Unless if its a girl drinking em. Then she's classy. Especially if she's hot.

2. Those Heineken ads are actually Based on True Stories.

3. Single woman drinking alone are just waiting to be picked up.

4. Hot girls in a group who never look around are definitely not.

5. 8 is the max number of pints of Stout before someone completely gets knocked out on the backseat of your car and ends up dozing on dirty laundry.

6. 11 year old kids who challenge you for a game of pool at All Star Cafe are hustlers in disguise.

7. It's a perfect day when you spend it laughing and talking with they guys as real life seems to pass by in the background for awhile.

2005-09-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

i'm just too far from where you are

There's always this feeling before I drift off to sleep. It's this feeling of peace when I know I'm going to shut out the world and leave it all for awhile. And there are always a few songs that just get me in the mood. Tunes that allow me to gently nod my head to the mellow beat and tune the world out as the music soothes me. What drifts me off nowadays are Home by Michael Buble, N Dey Say performed by Nelly and PM Dawn's Set Adrift on Memory Bliss. I love the mellow sounds gently but clearly coming thru my headphones. Nah, I can't sleep with my music on. But it just sets me in the mood. Kinda like the appetizer before the main course. Or foreplay before the horizontal hokey pokey. Or the smile that initiates a conversation with a someone. Its these songs that bring out some long forgotten memories or make me long for something perfect thats waiting for me. Its songs like these that make me wanna wish upon a star. Or open a window to let the breeze in and stare out at the lights. The kinda songs that make me hope tomorrow will treat me kinder so I can begin a new today.

2005-08-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

under the influence

I've always wondered bout those reviews on the back of books. "A two thumbs up page turner spectacular which shakes your booty!" - the Chitanooga Times Book Review.

Or if its by someone really prominent or artsy fartsy, they'll put it dead center on the front of the book. Like the reviewer played in actual part in the process of producing the book. Was the writer or publisher that desperate for some sort of validation? To be whisked along the path cleared by a supposed better being.

But the publishers will probably deny their feebleness and say its marketing ploy to attract potential customers. Now they push their feebleness onto perceived dimwitted customers who will be influenced by a 5 star recommendation by a newspaper columnist of a hick town in Idaho. Someone else says its good. And hey, it sounds like a pretty pompus assed kinda name, so it must be good.

And I'm not feeble. Nuh-uh. But never when it comes to places to eat. Show me a good review of a restaurant and I'm hooked. "Oooh la la... this isn't so nice. But its supposed to be good, so what the hell." But I think I'm toughening up. I've decided to make it a priority to sample the culinary delights that beckon me on a daily basis. Which is pretty much limited to the pasar malam or nearby mamak shops when my parents aren't in town. And I gotta say that the lightsabre-ish length roti john at the pasar malam in front of Yus on Wednesday's is crap. Do not be fooled by the length. Length is not everything. It's what you do with what you have that matters. Oo-er, now that kinda sounds like something else. And avoid Modestos on Jalan P. Ramlee at all costs. Absolute rubbish at the prices they have. But do go to Nirwana at Bangsar for the nasi daun pisang. The sotong goreng and ayam masal are absolutely heavenly. Add some banana lassi and another cup of iced water and I guarantee you'll need a few hours to get upright again. I've converted many many people to the delicious delights of nasi daun pisang there. That reminds me, still gotta finish my kuey teow utara.

2005-08-27T19:43:00.000+08:00

man and boy

I'm all for false bravado and machismo. I even have a lot of swagger when I know I'm good at something. But its something else when my confidence in me gets shaken badly. I don't leg it when it happens. But I do the ostrich. I just attempt to ignore all the blazing warning signs and worries that seem to be crashing my way. I go out of my way to get feel that brief escape before the worries clutter my mind again. So I guess writing out that I actually am freaked helps. It helps cos maybe I'll be brave enough to face 'em all head on. Face 'em the way I know I should. So then perhaps, I can face myself.

2005-07-20T16:59:00.000+08:00

curly fries run at dawn

It's been pretty cold here lately. There's been a cold snap in the air. My teeth clatter after a bath in midafternoon and I shiver as I wake from sleep. I trudge and hike to class bundled up in my jacket with my hands stuffed in my pockets for warmth. I reach my faculty and wonder of wonders, they've got the air conditioning going at full blast. I shoulda worn a pair of ear muffs and some gloves. Maybe soom long underwear just for the hell of it. There's a temptation to hug myself and rub my hands on my body but the realization hits me that these kinda actions should be constrained to a lesbo porn video. I woulda thought that all the excess fat that I accumulated during my industrial training woulda shielded me from the chill. I feel that in any second I'd be seeing the traces of my breath come out of my mouth like I did when I was a kid during the winter.

I remember being a kid during winter. Waking up in my bunny suit pj's. The ones that are just one piece of material with a zip in front and even covered my toes and had pads for the bottom of my feet. I remember having 'em in blue and red and wearing 'em till my toes broke thru from the material. Then I'd go to the bathroom and pretend to brush my teeth by wetting my toothbrush. I absolutely hated brushing my teeth then. Kinda like Lynette's kids in Desperate Housewives. Now I'm repentant as I've seen that a mouthful of sparklers will get you far in life. I will always advise a kid to brush well to make it far in life. Its just as important as those 456 A's they'll get in their SPM's. Who ever heard of getting an A in Lukisan Seni anyway. Sheesh, freak.

I remember putting on my long under wear, then the NY Mets jacket, donning ear muffs and slipping my hands into warm light blue gloves. Oh and I had some t-shirts and jeans in between there. But gloves, I say. Gloves! Cos mittens were sooooo uncool. Which was rather ironic as I kept failing to notice the furry fat things covering my ears which made me look like I had pieces of mice sticking on the side of my head. But hey, it's the same as a wearing a Hugo Boss ensemble but having a crappy polyster tie hanging round his neck. We all have our blind spots and quirks. I pick the skin off my fingers and crack my toes incessantly. I know of people who hide the crookedeness of their pinky finger and shamefully admit they pick off their finger nails instead of using a nail clipper. It feels like a session of AA when they take a deep breath, slightly bow their heads and show their finger nails. "I pick off my finger nails.." Hey, I say we embrace our quirks and be proud of 'em. It's the lil quirky things in us that makes us all so beautiful. As long as it doesn't involve building a bomb though. And other such similar quirks.

I remember reaching school thinking 'bloody ear muffs' cos my ears were still so cold. The company that made 'em should be sued. My ears would be so cold that they had turned red and were practically icicles. A gentle tap on em would feel like a good kicking. It's funny how I never remember if I had ever built a snowman. But I remember snowball fights. Believe me, getting pelted in the face with a crudely made ball of dirty ice is much funnier in Calvin & Hobbes. Going thru it felt like 'damn did a nyc cab run over this piece of ice before this sludge hit me'. I remember making scoopfuls of snow and stuffing them down my sister's jacket on our way back from school. And I remember making snow angels near the ice skaitng rink beside our apartment complex.

So yeah I do wake up with a shiver lately and my teeth seem to be doing their rendition of shake, rattle and roll a lot lately. But the cold does bring back some memories and a smile to me.

2005-07-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

sign of the times

I'm quietly typing this out on borrowed time in a neighbouring apartment while anwar is sleeping away on his bed. Still haven't applied for an Internet connection line yet so that might take a few days. Back in Uniten and it feels good to be back. It's been pretty great to see everyone again and to have variety in my life again. For three months, it was basically home then chemical factory then back home. In a week here I've been planning a trip to Tioman (!), trundled along to Midv to re-live the delish taste of the Jusco nasi lemak, worry bout my Project 2, catched Kingdom of Heaven at the Nokia Starlite Cinema in Kiara (which reminded me that the movie wasn't all that great but still made me thankful I never watched Alexander), soaked in the hum and buzz in Upten, managed to go to a few classes and even been thinking bout my immediate future (which still troubles me greatly at times). Think I'll have something more substantial to write when i can bang away on my laptop. But til then, think I'll go do something responsible right now.

2005-06-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

beauty fades but dumb is forever

Ms. Jolie seduced me a few days ago. She gave me a come-hither look that left me entranced. Which left jumbled sentences of Mills & Boon novels swirling in my head. But before our lil courtship, I missed the most important thing. I missed out on the trailers before the start of our romance! Damn I really hate missing those. And I missed another set of trailers the prvious day. Of the same movie.

I'm a movie junkie. I wanna be in my designated seat right before they slightly dim the lights. I wanna be grabbing some popcorn from the seat next to me and wash it down with a coke from the other side of me before the intro music for WB Studios or Paramount hits the screen. I'm not gonna walk up and leave for any movie. It don't matter even if it's as excruciatingly bad as Rollerball or even Windtalkers. I'm there and I'm gonna be glued to my seat. And I want my trailers all ready to go to psyche me up for the next round of my addiction!

Trailers are the absolute best part of any movie. It doesn't matter if it's the crappiest movie in the world. It doesn't matter if it's Kevin Costner starring in it. Or lacks any credible plot and displays the thespian skills of Paul Walker. Its all good as long as they quick edit it with plenty of cuts and have a narrator with that voice. Ya know the voice. The narrator voice which just draws you in and makes you go, "Aww hell yeah this is gonna be a good one". And just to let you in on what I mean, you gotta find this clip by Pablo Francisco performing a skit for Comedy Central. Go!

But what if we condensed our lives into a 3 minute trailer. What would you show? The Bay/Bruckheimer explosions with zooming cars and funny bravado? Or the MTV-quirky Hype Williams kinda reel? Or would you go with a dramatic low-key build up ala The English Patient? Be a goof and spoof your life like Scary Movie? Would your life have an epic feel with landscape shots like Gladiator and Troy? If it was mine, I'd do a rom-com Jerry Maguire-ish clip with a few explosions and a Will Smith crack at the end just for the hell of it. And of course, I gotta to have that narrator's voice. The one that goes, "Two decades on.. He still survives... Hidzad will entice you....."

2005-06-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

kesetiaan pada negara yang beraja berkedaulatan undang-undang?

Recently if I remember correctly, I read that they were thinking of implementing that the national anthem should be sung before movies in cinemas. Apparently its supposed to foster patriotism, especially among the wayward and capricious youth of our nation.

Yeah yeah yeah I know their intentions are well-meaning. But it is such a typically Malaysian plan that they aired. I love my country. Don't get me wrong on that when I voice my opinion. Or when I rant. But this lame-brained plan is just another link in a long chain of undescribably short term schemes to make a splash and prove a point to the shallow. See the future of our country (or probably brats as they see them) hanging around somewhere? Lets create a campaign to fight 'lepak'. Are the future leaders not well-rounded? Create a multi-million ringgit plan to round up the youth ang get 'em into Rakan Muda. And it goes to more than the young. Need to develop quality entertainment and multimedia creations? Lets build the E-Village. Hey these were probably good ideas at first. But I bet not much thought went into the maintenance of these creations. Cos you know what all those have in common. Either they've been forgotten or are dying the slow death of a white elephant.

If they had actually implemented this idea of playing the national anthem before a movie, my bet is instead of fostering patriotism, the opposite would happen. I imagine seeing snickering, snide remarks, and total aloofness in the name of being cool. Being patriotic is a great thing. But it doesn't really require us to sing the national anthem at the drop of a hat, recite the Rukun Negara to prove our nationality or to name all our former PMs to make create a sense of pride for our nation. We'd be better off protecting our community from random acts of vandalism, lending a helping hand to an elderly, not keeping silent as an act of violence is being committed, and not bending backwards to kiss as much ass as we can for every tom, dick and mat salleh that even looks our way. These are better acts than dreaming of infiltrating some national espionage ring or pasting the Jalur Gemilang on the hood of our cars during Merdeka. Hey, its probably even better than mouthing to the national anthem before a movie and then spitting on the floor right after it.

2005-06-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

another one bites the dust... and another one...

You know it's wedding season when you actually manage to go to the wrong reception. Laila's wedding was in the next lorong to the one I stepped into. I've only been to a handful of weddings. New knowledge of the day: Makan makan kenduri is usually from 12 til 3pm. Me and Taufiq were very fashionably late getting there. So we kinda missed out on most of the festivities. Faisal, Fatimah and Oyin were there and informed us we had missed some coin throwing ritual thing. Laila threw out some packets of coins and kids got to pick 'em up. Damn I missed out on free money. But what kinda ritual is this? Never heard of this before. The spread of a new cult was my opinion. But hey, if she's throwing out some red coloured notes the next time, then I'm elbowing my way in and joining. We all got to pose with Laila and the groom under on some dias thing. Was tempted to do a Fitty Cent pose but I resisted the urge. Who knows, we might be on the back pages of Nona. And up close, Laila really smacked on the war paint. But I admit the bride and groom looked fabulous. Kudos to the wedding planner who also rushed at us and told us not to leave cos Laila was worried that we'd bugger out after satisfying our hungry selves.

So now I've got a few friends who are married or engaged. And I seem to be the bearer of good tidings. Two ex-es are married, another one is never short of offers, and.. oh well. I'm the Ebola virus in reverse. Spread the love, baby. I've never really contemplated marriage. Had a few conversations on it, but they mostly consisted of, "Eeeeew...", so they don't really count. What is it gonna be like waking up to the same face (which hopefully isn't drooling) every single day (when I'm not called away to consult heads of states) for the rest of my life. The rest of my life. Which would be being with someone 'bout roughly half of my total existence (I hope/guess). The same person. Everyday. Rest of existence. How? They say feelings of love come and go but what holds people together is a relationship built on friendship and laughter. I'm not sure if that statement is all that but I happen to agree with the laughter part of it. Smiles and laughter make the days go by easier.

I guess what's on my mind is that I'm approaching that stage in life where my decisions really start to matter. As in dire consequences for the rest. Of. My. Existence. And I'm not talking bout marriage cos I think I'd like to continue to be ignorant bout that. Cos there's a part of me that wanted to step up to Laila and ask, "Sure you know what you're doing?" What bout when I graduate and look for a job. The wrong job and I'll be stuck for awhile doing something I'm not passionate about and be wasting away when I feel like I could be so much more. I feel that more thought needs to be put into my decisions in the near future. I have dreams of a Beemer but what will I have to slog my way through to achieve it? Or my bachelor pad apartment with the nice bad ass reclining sofa in light brown? Too many questions at the moment and they all seemto be suspiciously linked to my future income. This isn't the way I want to live. Ignorance was bliss.

2005-05-25T11:21:00.000+08:00

is it my birthday yet?

These are the things I've learned so far during Industrial Training.

1. Do not EVER show up to work wearing your white Nike sneakers, no matter how much street cred you think they give you. Doing so will elicit shout-outs such as, "Cantik kasut!" from yards and yards away.

2. Sitting at a table with a bunch of women during lunch will require you to nod along at appropriate moments and laugh accordingly when listening to the newest way to bake a tart or how the boss won't let the secretary take a holiday or even how good the lauk or veggies look today.

3. Always have a work document rerady in your menu bar when surfing the 'Net or wasting time away on yoour workstation. Being looked upon as a diligent employee is just a click away.

4. Working in a small company means that everyone else knows pretty much what you do. Going back for lunch early will be made known by the guards, the amount on your paycheck will be queried when you pass by despite the fact that they already know the amount, and people will constantly ask how your dad is doing.

5. Kissing up to the big boss's personal assistant is always a good way to get a great recommendation.

2005-05-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

how can you be gone if you're in my heart

i was in a grumpy mood on my way to work the other day. on days like these, i tend to become a slow-poke grandma driver during my 30km trip. on days where the traffic gods are in a good mood and the wimpy kancils quiver at the sight of my 130km/h green Wira behemoth bearing down on them, i feel like Montoya. i feel like Vin Diesel trying to slide my car in between the huge wheels of an 18-wheeler. but in my grumpay day moods, i wouldn't mind that much if a kid on a trycycle passes me by and gives me the finger. but as i was moodily moving forward at a sloth's pace, i heard a melody and these special words drift thru my speakers and engulf me.

Desert loving in your eyes all the way.
If I listen to your lies would you say
I'm a maaaaaan without conviction...
I'm a man who doesn't know
how to sell a contradiction,
You come and go, you come and go...

my fingers start to tap on the steering wheel. my head starts to bop. my legs start to jive. i give a lil shoulder wiggle. my lips start to move. and before i know it, im singing along. my spirits are soaring.

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon,
you come and go, you come and go.
Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream,
red gold and green, red gold and green.

the skies, i notice are a brilliant blue. i see men in strikingly bright orange overalls waiting for their ride to work beside the road. i wave and grin. i notice a stall named 'warung german'. i laugh. i swerve in and out of cars on the road effortlessly. i am full blown singing at the top of my lungs while grinning like an idiot. i do the patented chris tucker head snap. my mood has completely reversed. i am energized.i am a new man. i have found a cure for all disease and the solution to war.

Don't hear your wicked words every day
and you used to be so sweet, I heard you say
that my love was an addiction.
When we cling our love is strong.
When you go you're gone forever.
You string along, you string along.

how in the world could anyone not be happy listening to this. it is cheesy and campy by the power of a hundred times infinity. but it just feels sooooo damn good to be cheesy. i swear you grab a crowd of people and put this on, you'd get a full blown blow out 80s disco roaring. put this song on in the middle of a firefight and people will end up twirling each other. how could you not love these words and melody. genius, i tell you.

Every day is like survival,
you're my lover, not my rival.
Every day is like survival,
you're my lover, not my rival.

so c'mon. just sing it with me.

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon,
you come and go, you come and go.
Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream,
red gold and green, red gold and green.

2005-04-16T11:22:00.000+08:00

i did not get britney spears pregnant

So I happened to read dear Brit got herself preggers. This is probably how the news broke in the Spears-Federline household.

KEVIN: So, I just heard on MTV... you're all pregnant and shit?
BRITNEY: Yeah, four months! I'm so excited y'all.
KEVIN: Oh good. I thought you were just getting fat. Am I the father?
BRITNEY: Of course silly! Unless it's Justin Timberlake's? But I'm pretty sure it's totally yours. Yeah, totally.
KEVIN: [Nervous laughter] So, like, do you know how to raise a baby?
BRITNEY: Don't you have like two or three already?
KEVIN: I guess.
BRITNEY: Don't worry. It'll be fun y'all.
KEVIN: Okay. We should like... buy some magazines?
BRITNEY: [Concerned] False tabloids?
KEVIN: No, magazines about babies and shit.
BRITNEY: Oh, OK! Good idea! Hey, do you have a Marlboro Light?
KEVIN: Didn't you quit?
BRITNEY: Oh yeah. Bummer. Oooh I think I feel it kicking!
KEVIN: No babe, that's just the Vodka Red Bull kicking in.

2005-04-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when i go to the field at Uniten to play football, i'd notice some small kids there. They'd be there with their dad's to fly a kite, kick a ball or some dad decided that it would be fun for his kid to watch his over-weight dad huff and puff on a field with similar unfit cohorts while screaming and swearing at each other. The cutest thing to watch is a kid dressed in a full football kit. Jersey, shorts, socks and even boots. The kid was obviously dressed by dear ol' dad and I pity every kid who's been made to wear a Man Utd jersey and never knew any better. Mr Dad probably forced it on the kid and the kid will end up growing supporting the team with some lame reason such as ,'I've always supported 'em'. But what the kid can't see is dad he was indoctrinated by Huffin' Puffin' Dad. The kid never stood a chance. But the thing is, I think its a pretty underhanded move by the dad, but I do understand his motivation. If I ever have a kid in the very far future, he'd be supporting the team I support whether he or she wanted to or not. This would be me, "Hey kid. See all those football teams in the world? Well they DON'T MATTER. The only team that will ever mean anything to you is Tottenham Hotspur. You will feel agony in your heart if they lose, drift in unending agony if we draw, and scream ecstatically while running around doing aeroplane motions when we win. That is how its gonna be. If you choose to support any other team or I find any other sort of paraphernalia besides Spurs anywhere in your immediate vicinity, then you will be sleeping outside the house. And when I say outside the house, I mean outside a 5km radius. Do I make myself clear, oh-understanding-faithful son? Love ya."

And my dad just got back from Shanghai. He happened to ask if I wanted a Manchester Utd jersey from there. And I'm like, "What? What? Say what?" My dad does not even know I live and breathe Spurs. See? This is why our civilization is going to the dogs. Parents just don't make the effort to know what's important to their offspring. So instead of pointing this out to my dad, I just replied with, "Any other jersey except Man Utd scum will do." And what does he come back with? An ARSENAL jersey, of all jersey's for cryin' out loud. I could only shake my head and sigh. And think that at least its a ciplak copy and I can always use it to wipe the grime of the tyres of my car.

My dad is an opinionated soul. I think he'd also make a good lecturer. He'll just go on and on and on on whatever topic that even has the lightest relation to what someone asks. And I have the task of maintaining a straight face and act slightly interested without the lightes hint that I would prefer to roll my eyes and say, "Damn it that PS2 is waiting for me." I happened to ask where my Industrial Training workplace would be as I'm unfamiliar where it was. So he ends up drawing a map. Then he goes on about safety standards in factories. And how palm kernel oil is made there and all the wonderful products that are developed from it. Plus the uselesness of a CIDB card for students. And how I shouldn't say nuthin' if I don't know what I'm talking about. And it goes on and on...

So this is where I'll be doing my Industrial Training for the next 3 months. I think I'll be working in that red roofed building at the bottom of the pic. Will get back to you on that. I'm doing IT work in the operations division of Proctor & Gamble. Don't even ask what that means cos I don't know either. And don't ask for shampoos. I've been getting that way too much. And Taufiq; thanks for lending me your spare PS2. You're the best, man.

2005-03-30T19:40:00.000+08:00

it's the little things in life that annoy me

it's when i get into my car in the afternoon and there's an absolute heat wave that pours out when i open the doors. i gotta wait for a few minutes for things to cool down. if i'm feeling slighly adventurous, i'll start shoo-ing the hot air away. i've taken to using one of those big sun deflector thingies that people put on their front windows. but then mine seems to be permenantly bent. so now i gotta flip my sun shades up to keep 'em in place. mine don't have those suction cup thingies to make 'em stick on the windshield. which sucks. but mine don't suck as they don't hace the suction thingies. i'm also repeating myself now. which is an annoying habit of mine. and of other people too. is it a malaysian thing? people will go, 'thank you, bang. thank you.' or 'buat apa tu? ha.. buat apa tu, doh.' do we just like to repeat or are we hard of hearing? but i do speak too fast. which has been pointed out by some people. i try but it seems like the words can't seem to wait to come out. kinda like when you really can't hold it in when you really really need to pee. if you gotta go, then you gotta go. and when i pee, i tend to look around. check out the environment, ya see? and i noticed on one of those pully toilet squat down tanks that there's written instructions on how to flush. 'press gently to release 6 liters of water. press and hold to release 9 liters of water.' what's up with that? i seriously doubt when i'm flushing i'll think, 'oh. i think i'll go with 9 liters today. i'll just hold it a lil longer, ye.' or, 'damn. and i sooo wanted to release 8 liters of water. maybe if i just press a lil bit je...' but hey, we're malaysians. a vast majority of us don't even care to flush. so maybe those instructions are a good idea. but instead of writing 'em small, a mechanism should be added where a person gets boinked on the head by a rubber hammer if he doesn't flush.

aaaah... nothing like a good rambling session..

2005-03-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

the strongest force of nature is the strength of the human spirit
I. was. freakin. there. I was there when my all time fave R&B group Boyz II Men performed LIVE!!!!! for the first time in Malaysia. I saw the Fugees reunite in front of my eye (Pras wasn't there but hey - no one actually remembers him except for his 15 minutes of fame with ODB and 'Ghetto Superstar'). I was there when Lauryn Hill and Wyclef combined to bring the house down singing 'Killing Me Softly'!

How did I get there? Was hanging out in lab 2 hours before the concert when @net offered me three of the 80 bucks tix that her friend was selling off for 30 bucks. Fqrl and DD were quickly in and we zoomed off to Stadium Putra. We got there a bit after 8 and went up to the nose-bleed section of the seats. We were right back at the center and on top.

We sat down as Lauryn Hill was opening for the night. Huh? Since when did a concert start on time? It was mind-boggling, I tell you. She sounded great live(!!) and I was bopping my head to 'Ready or Not', but quite a bit of the crowd wasnt there yet. Typical Malaysian. Hehe.The Malaysian artistes came out after that led first by Innuendo. I gotta admit admit they sounded horrible. Massive disappointment as I've always loved 'em. Sounded like they were having sound system and pitching (I've been watching too much American Idol) problems. But Sheila Majid saved the day!! She belted out her jazzy hits that got the crowd going (Even the two mat salleh dudes sitting in front of me way up there started grooving). An ensemble which included Anuar Zain and Dayang (who resembles Ciarra freakily) ended the set with 'Jauh'.

And then BOYZ II MEN CAME OUT TO PERFORM!!!! AWWWWW YEAAAAAHH...!!!!! It was surreal. I have been a fan of Boyz II Men since the Cooleyhighharmony album. And the II album is my absolute all time fave album in the world. I remember putting it on and just playing that tape on repeat over and over again wherever I went. I had all the lyrics and harmonies down pat singing along in the car. And now I was watching the perform. LIVVVVVEEEEE..!!!! At first I just sat there staring while everyone was going crazy. I still couldn't believe it. Then it was like, "AWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAHH....!!!", and I screamed along with everyone. And their performance turned into a huge gigantic karaoke session with everyone singing along to the classics. It was absolute pitch perfect harmonized heaven. A guy even gave his handphone to Wanya so he could sing to the dude's mom during 'Mama'!! You could SEE the girls swooning when they crooned out cuts like 'On Bended Knee' and 'I'll Make Love To You'. Hell, even I felt like throwing a bra at them if I had kept one handy. They were just that damn gooooood! And the two mat salleh gay guys in front of me started hugging each other (Eh?) Then they absolutely brought the house down with 'End of the Road'! I WATCHED BOYZ II MEN LIVE!!!!!! I watched the group of people who made me love R&B sing their asses off! And again.. LIVEEEEEEEE..!!!

I thought it couldn't get any better, but it did.

We went out during an intermission and got the idea to sneak down to the expensive-o 500 bucks seats down near the bottom section. A quick walk into a door, hurried steps down the stairs with selamba faces and we were in the 500 bucks seats near the floor!!! The view was awesome!!! And then Wyclef came out and ABSOLUTELY ROCKED THE PLACE!!! He managed to turn the place into a massive indoor club! Everyone was jumping up and down and throwing their hands in the air during his joints! It was like being in Ibiza!! I was holding onto the railing and on my feet and absolutely moshing on my seats! We could see EVERYTHING and I was like, "THESE ARE THE BEST DAMN 30 BUCKS TICKETS!! EVER!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!" Wyclef has got to be the best damn charismatic performer. He cracked jokes, he got into the crowd, he got everyone to wave their handphones in the air like lighters, he played his guitar with his teeth! He got his bodyguard to dance with him!! It was absolutely amazing seeing the lighted up handphones in the air being waved during 'Knocking on Heaven's Door'. It was like lil light blinking all around and I was viewing my own personal constellation. "AWWWW YEAHHHHH!!! WOOO!! I CANT BELIEVE IM SEEING THIS!!!" And for his finale he got Lauryn Hill on stage and they absolutely blew us away with 'Killing Me Softly'!!! You could feel the enrgy in the place coursing around. No one wanted to sit down! "WAAAAAAA COME BACK!!! WE WANT MOREEEEEE..!!!"

Those two sets were the highlights for me. There was alot more. Including a weird ah beng and ah lian feng tau set. Nicholaz Tze and some Chinese/Jap chick? I swear they turned the place into a cemetery. From the stage, the chick started to wave to imaginary people waving at her. We did the Robot dance and every other absolutely abominable dance to amuse ourselve. And Backstreet Boys seemed to be lovin' the limelight just a lil bit wee too much. They never wanted to end! ARGGGHHHH! I saw guys slumped over their seats staring dumbfoundedly during the set. DD and some other guy in the next row were actually sleeping. I have to admit that groupie teeny bopper love is still alive. The girl in the tudung beside DD was standing in her seats and mouothing to every song during their whole set. "You're are number 1 fans, so we're gonna sing The One" - Blonde BSB. Chee-sieee. But I gotta admit the teeny bopper love seemed halfhearted. Or maybe it just me trying to convince myself. But no matter, in the beginning I was on my seat jumping too! "I DONT FREAKIN CARE IF ITS MARILYN MANSON OR BSB! I GOT IN CHEAP AND IM GONNA DAMN WELL SCREAM!!! YEAAAAAAAAHHHH....!" But after awhile, the sight of those choreographed dance routines were just too much and I took the time to rest my heels and throat.

All in all, IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! YEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! One of the absolute best experiences in my life. I watched Innuendo! Though they were rather crap. I sang along to BOYZ II MEN!!!! AWW YEAH!!!! I was at the BSB reunion? Huh? I was at the Fugees reunion!!!! I jumped around when Wyclef played 'Jump Around'!!! WOOOO!!!!! And I was even a force of naturer and did my bit for the tsunami victims.

Absolutely superlatively awesome-cool-brilliant-superb-amazing 6 hours of my life.

2005-03-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

what do you remember?

I've been sunburnt. Spent the weekend cavorting under the sun. I wasn't a sun-worshipper involved in an outdoor orgy or anything like that, but I was involved in the Uni Sports Carnival. Played football for my college. I won't bore you with the details of the event, particularly since we were crap.

It's been awhile since I just hung out outside under the sun and enjoyed myself. The Sports Carnival was great cos I managed to check out all the other sports being played and hung out with everyone. Even managed a spot of ping-pong. Just hanging out on the grass and chilling out (or burning up) brings back memories.

I remember when I was a kid in Manhattan and I used to spend summers cycling from my place to Central Park with my dad. We'd cycle by on sidewalks (funny how in Malaysia we dont really seem to be fans of sidewalks)and pass all these people and buildings. Stopping by a Stop sign and getting an Italian ice to cool down. I loved those swirly multi-falvours.

I always thought Central Park was the hugest, greenest place in the world then. There was a merry-go-round in there. I used to think the workers there had the coolest job cos they could walk around on the huge carousel while it was spinning and check out that all the kids were strapped in properly to the horses. I'd remember hanging on to the pole while the carousel was spinning and thinking that no ride could beat this. But I always had the urge to unstrap myslef and go for a walk on the spinning platform. No wonder I never really got the hang of rollercoasters. Other than that, the huge merry-go-round filled with huge plastic horses in mid-stride was the appointed meeting place for me and my dad if I ever got lost in Central Park.

I also remember this one time during the summer that they brought out an outdoor snow machine. For three days, there was snow in an area of the park right smack in the middle of summer. It was the most coolest thing to see people skiing in shorts and tees on man-made snow. I'd stand right in the middle of the place and look outwards and spot snowball fights, people making snowangels and snowmen, and further out, huge green trees and warm sunshine and kites in the sky. I vaguely remember being interviewd by a news crew about the occasion. I tried to act cool and say I had already been interviewed by a radio crew but I was actually way too shy so I mumbled something bout it was cool and promptly ran off.

Nothing beats the memories of a good time.

Now it's back to the grind. Bleah.

2005-02-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

things not to say during valentine's day

I've heard from reputable sources that saying the following statements are strongly discouraged. Heck knows why though...

1. My ex and me used to come here all the time.

2. My mom wants me to be home by 9.

3. I've had 10 lovers. How many have you had?

4. I just split up with my girlfriend yesterday.

5. Do you mind footing the bill? I'm broke.

6. Whoa, time out. Football is on.

7. Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.

8. Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?

9. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!

And you add your own number 10 ;p

2005-02-09T18:43:00.000+08:00

snuffle uppagus

I'm sick. This is so annoying. Eyes are red. Throat is sore. And the worst part is my nose has started sniffling. Yeah, I hate it when this happens. I keep having this image I should cup a hand below my nose to stop some liquid-ish snot from falling onto my laptop. Either that or put a cup below my nose. What if I just let it flow? And a sea of yellow-ish green heavy liquid slowly envelopes my keyboard. It may even make a nice pattern around the key buttons. I can imagine it now.. *drip... drip... drip...*

Ergh. Sick. Sick. Sick.

And the best part is I have my whole Final Year Project 1 documentation to finish up. That's 5 chapters. And I've only completed one of 'em. The more I study what I have to do, the more work there seems to be. Wanna know my title? Can you handle it, ladies and gentlemen? Or to whichever kind person who actually comes to read my crap. It's 'Implementation of a Parallel Processing Cluster Using the MOSIX Cluster Management System'!!

Yeah, the silence is deafening. I can just imagine y'all going, "Huh?"

Damn, I hate being sick. With a vengeance. Think I'll go make myself a banana vanilla smoothie.

*drip... drip... drip..*

2005-02-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

i feel the need for new clothes

Got back home yesterday with Suria and Sally tagging along. I'm slouching in my boxers at home in Kuantan now, bored outta my mind already with a sore throat and munching on sour cream & onion Pringles, while listening to the dialogue of LOTR blaring from the living room. Paints a nice picture, don't it?

******

What is up with the local promo teasers for every episode of The Apprentice? I swear those editors who create 'em are a bunch of morons. Absolute effin' idiots. I love The Apprentice. It's engaging, it's funny, it's an ego trip. And it's an especially guilty pleasure to watch some poor schmuck get cut down to size in the boardroom by Trump.

But whatdahell have they been doing with the promo's?? Those one minute clips have managed to completely ruin a to-be-aired episode by pretty much revealing every single major event in an episode. The events that unfold, the bitchiness, even the freakin' team that wins! I know the winner, as pretty much everyone does too (Kelly! Psyche.), but those promo's just kill it for me. It has left me with no other option but to scramble and run away from the tv with my hands cupped over my ears every time those damn things are aired. Damn you, tv-promo-creator-editor people!

Oh, and what is up with the women team? Can they not stop to bitch and point fingers for a few moments? Do all women, when thrown together in a stressful environment act like a bunch of prats? It was like Beverly Hills 90210 in skirts and pant suits.

***************

Went to pick up my sister from Assunta that day. She had a Saturday co-curriculum thing going on. So I remembered in the morning she was wearing those standard issue yellow t-shirt and track bottom outfit. I go to pick her up and lo and behold!, it's like Attack of the Clones. It was eerily like watching yellow gremlins at play. Just before they're about to attack. Scores of munchkins in the yellow and blue outfit with even the same type of haircuts! I swear I could not pick one out from the next one. Nazi SS training camps ain't got nothing on this. Absolutely and utterly freaky, I tell you.

**************

I've chopped off my hair. I've never really been the type to go for a trim. It's usually grow it long and then chop it off when I can't stand it anymore. I got the usual double takes at first. Shikin even said I looked more like a girl now than when I did with long hair. Wow. Was that supposed to be a compliment? Did I look like a transvestite before? But other than that, most of the reactions have been pretty good. And I gotta say I love having my hair dry 10 minutes after a shower and being able to go out with my hair sticking out and say it's the outta bed look. What can I say, I'm a low maintenance kinda person. Or it's just another way of saying I'm lazy.

2005-01-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

dammit, do the ironing, woman!

Dammit, I didn't know it was this freakin' hard to iron a damn button-down shirt. My mom and millions of other people do this everyday, right? How hard could it be? Easy-peasy-macaroni.

I plug in the iron. A light flashes. Woot! Woot! I'm in business. I iron a sleeve. Whatdafuck?! I see a small streak of black from where I ironed it. "Oi! Camne nak iron ni??!" And now Faqroul tells me that you gotta wait awhile and rub the stupid freakin' iron on something else first. Woo-hoo-yippe-kai-yay.

So I start ironing. This isn't so hard. But hold up here. Why the heck isnt my shirt getting un-wrnkled. It seems all smooth when I ironed but the wrinkles keep comin' back. I rub harder. And harder. But dammit! What the hell is goin' on here. Do I have a defective iron on my hands here?? Or is my shirt made from some extra-terrestrial material, huh?

Mayday! Mayday! Advice needed here!

Sprinkle some water on. Brilliant. But I don't have a water sprinkler thingie. So i go to the sink, wash my hands, then run back to the shirt and proceed to smack and dab some water on it. Continue the ironing. Seems to be going ok....
Dammit the wrinkles keep coming back!

Breathe, Hidzad, breathe...

Starch! Starch? What the heck is starch? Sounds like animal fat. Ahh.. but then I find out it's made from tapioca and comes with it's own water sprinkler thingie bottle. Very insightful info here. But I don't have any starch! Argh!

Set the temperature higher on the machine. It already smells like something is burning and I kinda really like this Raoul shirt. Besides, any higher and it would match my red-hot temperature by now. M**@#!$#*&^! iron!

I give up, man. I'm domestically hopeless. I can't iron, can't water the plants, never used a washing machine, God knows if there's a method to mopping nad yada yada. Dammit, I shoulda just paid one buck and got the Dobi to iron the damn shirt. Bleah.

2005-01-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

ain't no sunshine when she's gone

Went to the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra for a performance conducted by Datuk Ooi Chean See featuring a soprano by Cyndia Sieden. I admit to not being a classical buff or having any cultured bone in my body. But I gotta admit that it was a great experience. There was almost something magical in the air. Guys in suits and ladies dressed up to their nine's. But the most magical thing bout the night was the company.

2004-12-28T18:08:00.000+08:00

if tomorrow never comes

I don't think I did too well on my Adv Database quiz today. This probably has to do with the fact that I only studied this morning at a kedai mamak while waiting for my car to be fixed. I got into an accident at HUKM after almost getting lost trying to get there.

Yesterday, me and Faqroul decided to go to HUKM and visit Auntie Rapiah who owns DS Cafe at our foodcourt. To tell you the truth I've never really gone there for the food. It's pretty average. But Auntie always made me feel welcome there with her questions and conversations. She'd always ask how I was if she saw me looking under the weather. Free food and drinks were a common thing that came with laughter. Borrowing the shop's Star newspaper was my normal routine. I alsoknew many other guys who got the same royal treatment. It was like Auntie had all the sons she could ever want. We were all part of her extended family. She knew the names of each of everyone of us and our backgrounds. She was great for getting to know the latest gossip and I know more than a few guys who talked to her as a confidant. She was akin toMarlon Brando in the Godfather. But a version with plenty of laughs and a twinkle in her eye.

We finally got to the hospital around 7pm. I hate the smell of hospitals and how dingy they look. Nadia, Auntie's daughter met us right outside the ward. She walked us in and called out loudly to her mom. "Mak, anak-anak Cina mak dah sampai!" How can you top that introduction, huh? Auntie looked rather frail and small at first. But as soon as she saw us, she gave a great smile and invited us to sit and talk. Uncle was there too and he made us feel welcome as well. Things started abit slowly but picked up and soon Auntie was telling us how she was eating KFC, pizzas and everything else she could get her hands on before Wednesday's operation. The mound ofKFC boxes in the wastebasket pretty much proved it. She told us about her experiences in the hospital. How the local doctor first told her she only hada 10% chance of surviving the operation and how she cried for days after that. But then a foreign doc was put in chargeof her and how he told her that she had a much better chance of survival than that (about 50%) but she would still lose most of her memory. The head cardiologist then visited her and agreed with this. Her spirits were lifted and she seemed much like the Auntie of old after that. Auntie even managed to demonstrate how the operation was gonna be performed. She showed where the incision would be made and how her heart would be stopped for 25 minutes and her blood would be drained out so they could take out the tumor and avoid a hemorrhage.So basically she would be clinically dead for awhile during the operation. At this point of the story, I was peeking behindmy hands and felt a queasy feeling in my stomach. But Auntie and Nadia seemed pretty cool with it. Auntie and Uncle seemed to have accepted their fate and had put her life in the surgeons and God's hands.

After about an hour, fatigue started to creep up on me. I guess I was just feeling the aches and bruises of the previous day's football game. My headache was also getting worse. I figured since I was in a hospital, maybe they could hook me up with some morphine. But then somehow the conversation shifted to when Auntie was young in Singapore. She regaled us with stories of her past boyfriends. How she used to date the CEO of Lufthansa who had a castle in Germany with two dogs, the ManagingDirector of Citibank, Tan Sri Musa Hitam's nepehew and quite a few other big shots. She reminisced of the days when her foreign suitors would send flowers and even a ring just to ask her out for dinner. How they didn't mind paying for a new dress that she could wear to go out with them. At this point, I was just like, "Wow. I think I only have 7 bucks in mywallet." She said these foreigners were quite gentlemen but rather boring and straight laced. She actually had to read up on current issues and business before going out with them. Quite a few of her suitors asked her hand for marriage. But she never really thought she was meant for any of them. She even told the story of a Malay engineer who cried when she rejected him and called her mom to whine about. Me and Faqroul were like, "Cheh, typical Malay guy. Drama abis." In the end, Auntie fell in love with Uncle, who was a satay seller. I could still see the love and affection they have for each other in the way they banter. Auntie even managed to pass out tidbits of advice to us. Have fun when you're young and experience what you can while staying true to your values. Don't date a single girl only and pin all your hopes on her but also don't play around with a girl's feelings either. Treat a girl right but always know when to say 'no' so she doesn't walk all over you. I know, I know, it's a rather cliched moment and I could practically hear the orchestra playing but it was still a good moment.

By the second hour, I suddenly remembered my Ethics assignment that I had to email to the lecturer that night. Besides that, I also had to compile my group members work and probably edit some of it too cos I knew someone would probably just copy-paste their work. Suddenly Auntie starts telling us about the people who had visited her. She tells us of the one instance where there were 50 people who happened to come at the same time and most had to wait in the visitors lounge. Besides that, Nadia's phone was pretty much ringing every few minutes with well wishers.She told us of all an occasion when her nieces visited her and simply started crying. She was like, "Apa lah diorang ni! Nangis je tau. Buat Auntie sedih lagi ada la. Rasa cam nak lepuk je kepala diorang!" We had a great laugh at that. I guess me andFaqroul never really asked too much bout the op because we wanted to keep things light and fun. And I've always preferred to keep things light in most situations. She told us of the hot looking nurses who took care of her, her hot hoochie mama relatives, and all her pretty nieces. Typically, me and Faqroul raised our hands to declare ourselve available to comfort any of them at any moment. Auntie gave us one of her patented 'I would never trust you with any female' look while saying that she would tell us when any of them came to visit her. Tipu yer, Auntie.

I guess Auntie noticed me and Faqroul were looking rather hungry. Or maybe she could hear our stomachs growling. Both of us had'nt eaten since the morning. While Uncle was out, Nadia called him and told him to bring back food for us too. And what a treat it was. Uncle came back after bout half an hour with tauhu sumbat with sotong bakar and roti boom. I swear I could smell the food before Uncle even arrived. By then I was half sprawled on the chair from hunger and silently thanked God. That had to be one of the best meals I've ever had. I'm not much a fan of squid but the tauhu sumbat with sotong wasabsolutely divine.

Finally near 11, we got up to leave. Auntie let us take back the roti boom. Guess she could see we were still hungry. What can I say, we're growing men. It took awhile to reach the hospital, it was a pain in the ass to go to the workshop to repair my car today, I was dead tired after the visit, I still had an assignment to finish and a quiz to study, plus work to complete for my Project 1. But the visit was worth all of that and more. Every single second.

Get well soon, Auntie. My hopes and thoughts are with you. We'll see you next year.

2004-12-28T18:05:00.000+08:00

i won't rest till i've touched the sky

Question 5. In the group's opinion, should we behave ethically in all occasions and circumstances? Give strong reasons for the group’s opinion.

As a group, we ideally believe that we should behave ethically in all occasions. Behaving ethically is important. Without ethics, our world would be lived on a ‘dog eat dog’ standard. Without ethics, we begin to lose a sense of purpose and our world begins to fall apart. Eventually, our lives have no sense of direction and we are akin to a rudderless ship because ethics encompasses many facets of our daily lives.

Upholding a set of ethical values means that there is a set of personal standards that we should strive to attain. There is a conscience inside each and every one of us that helps guide us into doing the right thing to achieve something that is right even though it is not in our best interests to do so. As students, a simple example would be reporting to a lecturer that a fellow student has submitted an assignment that he has plagiarized from somewhere else. This would be the ideal and ethical thing to do.

But ethics is a very gray area. It would be very idealistic and principled to say we should behave ethically in all situations. This would undoubtedly be the morally correct thing to do. But a few factors have to be taken into account. The main factors, in our group’s opinion, would be personal values and the situation you are in. Let’s expand on the example given just now. Let’s say that the student who plagiarized his assignment is a very close friend of yours. Would you still report him? The fact that he is a good friend will influence your decision and may compromise your ethical standards

In a real world context, factors such as the society we live in, the culture we have been brought up in, and the relationships that we have developed will influence our judgment. Meanwhile, our judgment is based on our own set of personal values which determines if our actions are ethical are not. Our group believes that we should strive to be principled and ethical in all aspects but that is just not realistically possible. We as human beings will always look out for our best interests first. Even if that were not the case, we would probably turn a blind eye as long as it doesn’t involve us. Only a person with very strong and uncompromising ethical beliefs will behave ethically in all occasions. But such a person is very rare in this day and age. As a conclusion we believe that behaving ethically in all occasions and circumstances is the right thing to do but other real world factors will inevitably cause us to hesitate or to pause before doing something that is not in our best interests and might even possibly cause us to compromise our decisions.

2004-12-28T17:53:00.000+08:00

alot of crap builds a huge amount of character

There's been a funny feeling that's been brewing inside of me. An urge. A sense of anticipation. A tingle of excitement that I can feel in my toes. An impatient tapping of fingers. And, no I'm not waiting for a hot girl to arrive or the delivery of some new electronic gadget or even wanting to buy a new pair of footie boots. All these thoughts and feelings seem to have arrived unexpectedly during class. Yes, you heard me right. Class. And no, there are no hot girls, gadgets orfootie boots waiting to jump on me in these classes.

I'm taking Advanced database and Ethics. Yeah, yeah, I know, "Woop dee doo! That's so exciting!" The thing about these classes is that they're mostly based on critical and analytical thinking. Just my cup of tea. I like picking up fragments of thoughts, opinions and ideas and trying to piece them coherently in my mind or in writing. There's something invigorating in the process and seeing it all fall in place.

In class, I am literally bouncing on the seat of my chair. I can sense the gears finally grinding in my brain as the lecturer starts a discussion on euthanasia or asks a question on the policies that should be created to ensure database security. The normal thing would probably be to open my mouth and give my two cents worth. But I've mostly hesitated to do so. Wuss.

Why is this so? That got me thinking in class. I gotta say that our education system and our culture is at fault here. We are told not to speak unless spoken to. In school we've been fed raw informatiion and told to memorize and recite. Creative thinking is not as important as giving out the right answer. Without a doubt we are encouraged to ask. But one gets a feeling that a query will probably result in mocking laughter or the whispers of being a teacher's pet. It's the ideal thing to ignore these things but you justgotta admit that there is a fine line between being one of the guys and being a geek. I happened to read this book by Scott Turrow called One-L. It was an account of his years in Harvard Law School. During lectures he hesitated to answer questions that were raised by his lecturers. You would probably think that someone in Harvard would not have a problem like mine. But he cited reasons such as not wanting to appear out of the ordinary by his fellow peers and fearing that he would be labelled an apple polisher. So he came up with a system. He would only give his opinions in one out of three classes. Sounds like a plan to me, if there ever is one. The funny thing is that my Ethics lecturer happened to wonder out loud why we students are so afraid to open our mouths in class and how we never seem to be able to back up our opinions once we're under scrutiny. And as usual, he was met mostly with silence. He labelled us students as confused chickens.

I don't think I am better than anyone else in my class or that I'm enjoying a ride on a superiority complex. I realize that quite alot of them are probably smarter than me.What I'm trying to state out here is that I wish we could have a more open and interactive environment during our education. That's gotta be a hell of alot better than the atmosphere of silence and glum faces.

2004-12-14T09:57:00.000+08:00

when tomorrow comes, we'll both regret the things today

So let's try something fun and quirky here. List out the three most favourite animals that you like in descending order. Besides listing them out, describe why you like each specific animal.

An example here would be like:

1. Favourite animal would be an owl. This is because it seems so chilled out and unflappable. I also think it's pretty cool looking.

2. 2nd fave animal would be a falcon. Cos it seems independent and rather aloof when it looks down at the world

3. 3rd fave animal would be a turtle. Probably cos it's so laid-back but it can also be quick and bite you when you least expect it to.

So listed out yours yet? C'mon, list 'em out first before reading further.

Apparently, this is what your list means. The animals you list out doesn't really matter but the description does.
The first description on your list is how you see yourself. So based on the list above, I like to think of myself as chilled out and unflappable. And, pretty cool too haha ;p
The second description is how you think others perceive you.
And the last one is the kind of person you really are beneath all your layers.

Yeah, I know this isn't really rocket science. But I think it's fun and quirky. And imagine if your fave animal was a worm cos you liked the fact that it's slimy, great at bending and good to squash on. Food for thought, eh?

2004-12-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

dry your eyes, mate

Just a few random thoughts and rants here.

What is it about Malaysians? I keep hearing foreigners coming over and yapping about our hospitality and friendliness. Say what? I bet if they didn't have specific lanes at check-out counters, customers would swarm the cashier. I can just imagine the cashier calling out, "Mayday! Mayday! They're outta control! I need some back up here!". I can't remember the amount of times I've seen people spitting or throwing their stinky litter all over the sidewalk. They probably think trash cans are just there for decorative purposes or perhaps some new-fangled mailbox. Hell, someone threw their litter outta his car once and it almost landed splat on my windshield. And what is it about us and our space around our houses. You'd think everyone was hiding a couple of million in their houses by the sizes of the walls and gates they put up around their homes. Even if you go by a low-cost housing project, you'll notice the first thing they put up once they move in are walls and gates. Yeah, I understand the whole fear of robbery thing. But I really don't think a gate and a couple of walls will do much.

Watched the latest episode of Survivor? I haven't watched Survivor in awhile cos it kinda got abit same 'ol same 'ol. Is it just me, or is there a serious lesbian vibe between Eliza and the recently kicked out Ami. The whole silent stare and quick smile thing. It's a damn shame they kicked out h-o-t Ami. I wouldv'e started watching Survivor again just to see how that pans out. Oh, well.. but here's a site for all you Ami fans. http://www.realitytvpools.com/ami_cusack.php Oh, and did I mention she's a former Playboy Playmate? Curious now, aren't we?

But The Apprentice is a totally different thing. I watch this reality show every week. This is something I can somewhat relate to. The challenges and situations are abit more grounded in reality, if that's possible. In Survivor it's just a bunch of skinnied down and mosquito bitten people bitching and whining about their lack of food and then drooling when Jeff shows 'em what they're gonna win. But I gotta admit that the sequence in the boardroom of The Apprentice is abit weird. Has anyone noticed that Trump's mouth movements and what he says doesn't always match. And whenever he says something really piercing and intelligent they always show the faces of the contestants. Hmph. I think they just edited the tapes and asked Trump to do a voice-over to make everything alot more interesting. I know - I'm nit-picking. But despite that, I'm still a huge fan.

I've never done this before, so I think I'll try it out for size. This is what I'm always listening to at the mo'.
Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You (Acoustic)
The Killers - Somebody Told Me
Nelly feat. Tim McGraw - Over And Over
Embrace - Gravity
Jaclyn Victor - Tunggu Sekejap
Revis - Seven

I know, I know. It's not very current. But whatever.

2004-11-26T01:39:00.000+08:00

why do you bulid me up, buttercup?

The plan has been finalized. Routes and synchronization of tactics have been determined. The assault begins.

Hari Raya Kids: Assalamualaikum!! Assalamualaikum!

Awww, crap. They saw me lying on my sweet 'ol ass watching a vcd movie out front. Can't jump up to slam the door shut and hide. Didn't even close the windows and sliding door out front. Rookie mistake, dammit. Can't even play dead and pretend to sleep cos they've seen that I've spotted them. Didn't even hear 'em coming. No tell-tale sounds of pebbles being kicked or kanak-kanak Ribena-like chatter. Stealthy aren't ya?
Oh, how I wish I lived in a two storey house.

Hidzad: Hey, you nasty lil buggers. Yeah, all of y'all kids in your new shiny baju melayu's with dollar signs in your eyes. I can hear the 'ka-ching!' sound from here. I know y'all just came here for the dough. The moolah. La dinero. Money money money, right? Yeah yeah, save the denials. Don't even try to do the whole innocent 'We came here to spread the love of Hari Raya and to get to know you yada yada' act. I see through it, you lil bloodsuckers. Did you think I was born yesterday? Nuh-uh. Been there, done that, got the loot to prove it. Uh-huh. What do you think this place is? A huge ATM machine with me as the personalized service? Say the magic password "Assalamualaikum", and money pops out in lil green packets? And you don't even have to worry 'bout your account balance. Bah! You want some Raya spirit, huh? Here's some Raya spirit and harmony and all that la la. We gonna do it 'ol skool. Get your asses in here! Make polite conversation and stuff your face with lil kuih's. Now salam and get out. Scoot. Shooo!

Oh, how I wish I could do just that...

2004-11-20T17:46:00.000+08:00

the way gravity pulls on you and me

For me, the days of Raya is always the time to catch up on people. To meet relatives with names that I can barely remember and to touch base with old friends. I have to admit that I can be a complete hermit and somewhat seclusional at times. I can just shut out the world and live within my own silence and a few mumbled words. But when the notion hits me, I can be a whirlwind of rapid conversation and weird laughs.

I'm totally out of touch with what's going on with everyone but I managed to meet up with a few old schoolmates. Stories were exchanged about ourselves and friends who weren't there. Taufiq's finished his business degree and is now working in his mom's company. Rafizan still has a sem left in UM. Delly is starting at a new college. Again. And again. Mad went to the UK to get a business degree and comes back with a degree in sound engineering and a cool DJ name (DJ Bahir, which is in honour of his dad. Go figure). Izzaz finished his diploma in Actuarry Science and is now halfway through his MAS pilot training course in Melaka. Qira is doing her Masters in Chemical Engineering. Ojan is Kitchen Manager for Dome Midvalley and has a few business ventures. Imran is a chemist. Usop is doing his medical housemanship in the hospital in Kuantan. Faridah is working as an exec in KL. I still have a year left to get my degree.

And besides that, the stories kept going on about who was going out with whom and even... marriage. An ex-girlfriend and another classmate are getting married next year. A few are gonna get engaged. One former classmate is already married, while another even has a little baby daughter.

Holy crap.

I've always had trouble imagining myself beyond my current life as a student. To think of myself in the whole Adult & Responiblities context. But when I step back and give it some thought, if I add a few more years to my age, I'll already be approaching the late 20's mark.

And I wonder what the hell am I gonna be? What will I be like? What will I do? I look back at the years in my University so far and I see a huge glaring gap in my education. I have to admit truthfully that I have not really gained much practical knowledge. I can sling around technical lingo and jargon, but press me for more and I will hem and haw. Ask me to do, and I'll look for the closest escape route. This is where I envy my friends who seem to have a semblance of a path in life laid out in front of them. The ones who seem to be working towards a goal. But me? I really am not sure. I've been given the all advantages that my parents could give me. I got my own personal transportation, my gadgets, cash when needed, I've never been left hungry (unless I'm too lazy to move my lazy ass) and a pretty good working brain. So what excuse do I have if I still do not have an inkling of how to obtain a bright future? I have to admit that some trepidation had crept within me.

Somehow I got to talking with a few people. They talked. I listened. They told stories of being dirt poor, flunking out of college, and being a book salesman as their first job. Of selling tauhu to get pocket money. They told of the countless days and sleepless nights spent worrying. But most of all, they told me about the hard work and good friends they had. And now one of them is the head of a large IT company. Another dabbles in business and has several factories. An uncle had a bankrupt business and now has started a new one after recouping his losses. My dad is one of the Head Managers in a private company. They all say that uncertainty and failure is part of growing. But the most important thing is to try while you still can and to be bold. To be quick on your feet and be able to make decisions. To have good friends who are always willing to lend you a hand. Plus a little ass-kissing and schmoozing always helps. Oh, and play golf. My nervousness on my future has not been eliminated. But it has been allayed somewhat. The uncertainty is there. But there is also a sense of anticipation as I wonder what will happen in the days and months to come.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who messaged me a happy Raya. I'm sorry I didn't reply. No credit. My bad.

2004-11-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

tell you i sent you a part of me

Finals were over a couple of days ago and now I'm back home. I've got a whole month of holidays to deal with. Yeah, I know people love their holidays and all but I'm not really one of 'em. This isn't because I don't like my home or my family or anything deeply philosophically depressingly tragic. It's just that there really isn't a whole lot to do at home. My days basically will consist of food (at limited times), the 'Net, a whole lotta CM, Tv, some vcds, books and sleep.

I remember the last time I was home and barely got outta the house except maybe to pick up or send my sisters to school or whatever. I resolve not to be such a pathetic couch potato this time! On my second day home I've already called up about 3 old friends and asked how it's hangin' and maybe we should meet up sometime. You don't think that's impressive? Well, hey- that's more than 2 people I called the last time I was home.

Puasa's almost over. I'm okay with the whole fasting thing. Not eating during the day doesnt really bug me much. I've even played football while fasting before. And recently I went out with classmates after the last Finals exam and watched 'em scarf down nasi kandar. Yes, I was drooling abit but I managed to keep it all in check. Probably. The thing that annoys me abit about puasa is the whole waking up in the morning thing. No, not for sahur, cos I can't picture myself waking up at 4am to grab some bread and tea, but just plain 'ol waking up. There's always this terrible taste like pennies in my mouth that's really hard to get rid of even after a good brushing of the teeth and tongue. Eating seemed to help get rid of the taste, but no can do on the eating now. Maybe this is how a hangover feels like.

My laptop is getting on with age. I don't have the money to buy a new one myself. But the Dad has been tentatively receptive to the idea of getting a new one. He even suggested I trade this one in. Early days yet, but the signs are somewhat hopeful. I remember reading a tongue in cheek article in a mag on trading in your current girlfriend for a new one. It gave 40 excuses. My fave has got to be this:

'Be Her Ideal Man:
Be sweet, be caring. Call her office 40 times a day to tell her you love her. SMS her. E-mail her. Talk to her in a baby voice- in public. Cry when you explain "how you feel". Wake her up at 4am to ask for a cuddle. When she wearily refuses, say you need to discuss why she doesn't want to cuddle. Trust us, she'll be shagging the pub thug in no time.'

Next sem is gonna be my final year in Uni.And I gotta think up of a final year project on an IT related matter. Maybe build a system or design a game or something like that. But the thing is, I can't really think of anything right now that would be interesting. Maybe an iventory system for where all my money seems to be missing. Damn. Any suggestions?

But even after I graduate there's the whole 'what will I do with my life?' thing. I could perhaps try to continue my studies if my grades are up to scratch but I'm not really that hugely interested in the IT field. The only reason for continuing my studies would probably to avoid the responsibilities of adulthood. If I don't intend to pursue my Masters or anything, I think I'd probably end up getting a job in the IT field. Which brings me back to my predicament of not really being interested in IT. I've read that to be contiually feel fulfilled you gotta be doing a job that you really like. I'm not sure what I like. Quarter-life crisis perhaps.

2004-10-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

i'm a genie in a bottle

I'm too lazy to write anything so I figure I'd share this. Besides, Britney bashing always seems to have a way of uplifting everyone's mood.

News Item: Pop tart Britney Spears announced plans to take time off from her career, the better to enjoy her new marriage and possibly start a family.

"My prerogative right now is to just chill and let all of the other overexposed blondes on the cover of US Weekly be your entertainment," Spears said on her website. "Good luck, girls!"

Dear Brit,

Great. Terrific. Smashing news. Truth be told, we didn't think you had it in you. And no, we're not referring to your upcoming Greatest Hits album. Heck, even Shaq had one of those. Not to mention Men at Work. So keep on borrowing from Bobby Brown -- you're well within your Constitutional rights to join the likes of the Gin Blossoms and those dudes that sang "Unbelievable."

In other words: God speed, and have fun covering the theme from "Ghostbusters II."

But we digress. Back to the purpose of this letter. As we were saying, the most stunning aspect of your brave decision to step away from the spotlight is that ... you've decided to step away from the spotlight.

Whoa.

Don't get the wrong idea: we approve of this message. We applaud the notion. Our vote is yours. You want to pull a J.D. Salinger? Go right ahead, and please, take Ashlee Simpson with you.

That said, forgive us if we find your new spiel a bit spurious. Unbelievable, if you will.

We could point out the obvious red flags in your public statement, such as: 1) while you're certainly overexposed, you aren't actually blond; 2) if declining album sales are any indication, you haven't been anyone's entertainment for at least two years.

However, we aren't that petty. Besides, it might take the fingers on both hands to tally up the box office take for "Crossroads."

Instead, suffice to say we've long suspected you crave media attention the way most folks crave oxygen. We're also pretty sure that your current album is laughable. Not in the har-har way. As such, we figure your promised hiatus is simply another PR stunt designed to prop up your flagging musical fortunes.

Of course, we could be wrong. We hope so. Honest. But we need a little something to go on. So show us you mean business. Prove yourself. We'll even make it easy: just swear by the following checklist, a series of actions you can take if you're truly committed to being ignored.

Skeptical? Consider it akin to a divorce settlement, something we're sure you'll never have to deal with. Sound good? Okay. Here goes:

I, Britney Jean Spears, being of mind and sound body, agree to:

Pose ONCE and ONLY ONCE for a tasteful-yet-revealing Playboy Magazine spread. In doing so, I consent to placing my final career trump card on America's table, once and for all, allowing the individuals who remain infatuated with my fading sex appeal to get it out of their collective system.

Curb the distribution of glossy publicity stills featuring myself, husband No. 2 and my new family to magazines such as "People." I understand that normal, happy families do not chat with Pat O'Brien about the joys of normal, happy family life, largely because they are, in fact, normal and happy. Moreover, I am fully aware that while "US Weekly" and "In Touch" will continue to run candid photos of me tearing into family-sized bags of Cheetohs, my firm commitment to staying out of the tabloids will force them to gradually lose interest, replacing said shots with snaps of Jennifer Aniston eating ice cream sandwiches, or perhaps the Olsen twins at Starbucks.

Cease and desist the production of any and all songs dealing directly or tangentially with: my status as a storm-tossed dingy adrift between the sunny isle of girlishness and the dark continent of womanhood; my budding, hard-to-control (and I think I like it) sexuality; my failed relationship with fellow Mousekteer Justin Timberlake. I also agree to limit my inappropriate song covers to the Rolling Stones and Bobby Brown, sparing the canons of contemporary acts such as the Beatles and Al B. Sure.

Keep any sudden interest in Jewish mysticism to myself, liberating my fellow citizens from the quiet indignity of pretending to care about my adopted Old Testament name. In addition, I swear not to speak in a faux English accent, no matter how worldly and sophisticated I think it makes me sound.

Love and cherish any children I may end up giving birth to without going on Oprah to breathlessly tell the television-watching world about the miracle of motherhood and the life-altering perspective check contained therein. I acknowledge that I am not the only person in recorded human history to have a baby, and while every child is a gift, said gifts are of little interest to everyone else, many of whom are busy with gifts of their own. This means no raving about my $1,000 all-terrain stroller, no wistful pregnancy memories of eating all the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream I could get my hands on, no impractical-for-the-common-woman tips on losing baby weight, and no children's books.

Steer clear of the silver screen. Jessica Simpson beat me out for the role of Daisy Duke in the upcoming Merchant-Ivory remake of "The Dukes of Hazzard"; I will consider this, along with "Crossroads," a lesson learned.

Resist the temptation to star in a reality show, produce a reality show or allow camera crews to tape and edit my daily life for any kind of public consumption. My shoeless trips to gas station lavatories will not be recorded for future generations as if they were the 3rd Infantry Division rolling into Tikrit. Along these lines, I will advise my younger sister against learning a few grungy chords and dyeing her hair black.

Avoid publishing a tell-all memoir until I am: a) old enough to have something worth telling, which could be a matter of decades; b) forgotten enough to need the attention, which could be a matter of weeks.

And that's it. Everything you need to do. Follow these guidelines, and you'll be Debbie Gibson in no time, maybe sooner if another former Mousekteer comes along with come-hither eyes and a too-short schoolgirl skirt. Do you have to follow our advice? Of course not. It's still your prerogative. But it wouldn't hurt.

2004-10-20T01:55:00.000+08:00

i got vinyl cds

I enter the small dingy room. Faded ceramic tiles and stainless steel greet me. A few awkward smells say hi to me. I grunt a reply. "Well hello to you too." I look around. I peer behind me and lock the door for safety. I peruse some street poetry. 'For gay sex, call 0123XXXXX.' There are even a few rather detailed drawings of the female anatomy. I wonder how long these took. How the artist was postioned when creating these masterpieces. How they managed to bring their tools of trade to a place like this. The effort and imagination and a total lack of sense of smell that it took to enliven this moody compartment.

I unzip. I let fly.

Suddenly the door behind me rattles. A thud. Then a muffled thump. I hear whispers outside. I am uncertain for a moment. Then I decide to let it go and continue my task.

I zip.

Suddenly I hear a rustling sound behind me. It seems to be coming from somewhere low to the ground. Another whisper. I swivel around. I look down. There is a space between the floor and the door that divides me from the outside world.

A small yellow-ish hand suddenly appears through the gap at the bottom of my door. I gasp. The tiny hand grasps the bottom edge of the door. The creature that the hand is attached to seems to be trying to pry my door open. It tugs. It pulls. The door rattles. I step back in shock. The whispers outside are getting louder. There seem to be more of them outside. I take a deep breath and try to find a way out. I feel like I'm in an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Suddenly the hand disappears as quickly as it appeared.

I gather my wits. I inhale. Then slowly I exhale. I gather all the little amount of courage I have. My hands go to the latch that separates me from these unknown monsters that could be awaiting me. With false machoism I fling the door back! Hah! Here Hidzad comes, you asses!

And a tiny squirming Chinese kid with his pants down to his ankles and knees on the ground stares up at me with sepet eyes.

"What the...?"

Beside the small kid seems to be his brother who seems to be muttering something like, "Knock louder meh.."

I step out. They both look at me. I peer at the stalls beside me. All the doors are closed and seem to be occupied.

"Hey, kid. Go on in and knock yourself out."

2004-10-10T13:31:00.000+08:00

peek- a- boo

It's funny how people manage to delude themselves about... themselves. I cant' remember the amount of times I've vowed to do something for me and ended up procrastinating on it. "Ok ok.. Buat assignment ni hari ni." But usually it ends up as the whole last minute panic- attack routine. And then I look back and think, "Damn, I shoulda done this earlier. Takpe, next time I will." Yeah, right. Or how I say, "Nope, not gonna do it this time. It's for my own good." But guess what happens? I still end up doing it. Why am I so tempted to do or not do the things that are not right for me at times?

This somehow brings me to another trait that I see in people. How they seem to not want something and resist mightily against any sort of help you might offer, but in the end they are quietly grateful for your help. I mean, why the big le resistance? Someone wants to help. Why not let them? Doesn't mean that they will make things all peachy and hunky-dory, but the effort is there and should be appreciated. Thinking back, I admit that I am guilty of this annoying trait too. I will go, "Takpelah.. no need," but I admit that I would appreciate it if someone made an effort to still help me out.

What am I rambling on about? Entah la.

And another thing. Going into bathroom stalls now seems like that climatic scary moment in horror movies. You see a closed door. You nudge it abit to see if someone is in there. The door swings open and suddenly someone is in there with his back turned to you peeing. "Hoi! Cannot see I'm in here?" I mean, "What??" Dude, I don't have x-ray vision and the door latch is there for a reason. Use it, you nincompoop. And if miraculously there are no pissing bodies in the stall you have to then go take a look at the toilet bowl. At times the toilet lid has been put down. I can usually hear the theme of Psycho playing in my head as I warily lift the thingie up. "Eeeeeeeek!!" It's like a miniature version of Chernobyl at times. Nuclear waste mixed with sludge and mini-whales floating around. The colour can only be described as chocolatey-greenish. Wooooo.. At this moment the smell hits and I start to get cross-eyed and feel faint. I stagger back and scramble back to safety. "It's not safe in there people!! Call the U.N.! I've found where Saddam hid his weapons of mass destructions!"

Oh, and I have Gmail. 1 GB of space for e-mails! Woo-hoo! Jealous tak anyone out there? hidzadrawks@gmail.com Hate mail, love letters, mp3's, 'educational' videos and 'artistic' pictures of the female anatomy are always welcome.

Thus, another rambling and sporadic entry from me. Sekian, terima kasih.

2004-09-30T18:05:00.000+08:00

i drool when i sleep

I gotta admit that I haven't been blogging much. And it's not like I have an excuse that I'm extremely busy or anything. I could say that exams are on the horizon and I'm knuckling down and working my ass off. But nah.. Besides, my friends would bust a gut laughing if they ever heard me saying that with a straight face.

This sem has got to be the toughest sem so far. Study-wise, everything is pretty much in shambles. My hope of maintaining my CGPA is diminishing by every day. I can survive pretty well if left to myself. I like hanging out with my friends but I also have no problems being friends with just me. But the thing is, I'm the type of person that hates to study alone. Leaving me to my own endeavours usually results in me taking a nap, looking for friends to bug, or a rather hazy few hours of nothingness. I'm the type that needs a study buddy. Someone who will plonk their ass on a chair and tell me to shut up, study, and stop ogling at the passing girly girls. It sucks having to be slightly dependant on someone in my pursuit of academic excellence. Err.. academic survivability?

So enough of thinking s'more 'bout my depressing academic future. If I still have one, that is. A specific matter in my social life this sem has been one hell of a ride. It's had a few really deep low's. But I've also experienced many many sweet high's. I've learned quite a few things about me and other people. Many lessons on perseverance. Hearing that patience is a virtue. A moment or two when I've realized that doing something for someone else is just as satisfying as doing something for myself. And many many other events and thoughts which I think have managed to shape me some more.

I'm really hoping that this will last because I rather like this warm and fuzzy feeling that I have most of the time.

2004-09-24T04:16:00.000+08:00

i can still smell the fruity scent of you on my shirt

My misguided attempt for my MSD project.

I really wish I was someone else right now.

2004-09-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

a secret that i don't wanna keep

I have my IT Act midterms this Monday. IT Act is the subject which has The Wicked Witch as my lecturer. But my utter hatred and complete disregard of her teaching abilities have somewhat softened due to the fact that she gave great tips for the upcoming exams. Well, she gave Jeremy and Shan the tips as they went to bodek her at her office. I'd prefer for me and her to have a Demilitarized Zone between us. But let's just say that now I am able to think more kindly of her. I will only glare at her and keep the thoughts of cutting her up with a fork and spoon to myself.

So I had to go to Shan's room to get the tips. I asked Jeremy which room Shan was staying in and he said C2-6-7. Went to the next block and took the elevator to the 6th floor. Turned right and started banging on the door of Shan's apartment. "Shaaaaaaannnn...!" Kept banging and shouting but no-one answered. Dammit, was no-one in? I'm here! There should be balloons to welcome my arrival. Then I happened to look at the door I was banging on. C2-6-6. Whoops. Wrong apartment. Strode over to the apartment next door. Peeked thru the window and saw a guy sitting by the kitchen table studying with his back towards me. Must be Shan and Sathia's housemate, I think. Probably a junior. So dengan penuh selamba badak I just turn the door knob and walk in without announcing my hotly anticipated arrival.

"Hey. Shan ada?"
The guy turns and stares at me.
"Shan. Ada tak?"
He looks rather perplexed at me now.
"Hel-lo? Dude, Shan punyer bilik mana?"
The guy looks rather annoyed now. Well, so am I. What? Cannot answer my question izzit. It ain't good enough for ya?
Slow-poke guy finally opens his mouth. "Mana ada orang nama Shan kat sini. You don't know how to knock?"

Whoops.

I just go, "Hmmm." And I walk backwards out the door and shut it closed gently.

2004-09-09T11:08:00.000+08:00

warm & fuzzy

Around this time last week I was having a great time with friends having my first taste of bubur cha cha at Gurney Drive.

To recap, so there we were, me, Jeremy and Sathia, on the verge of getting into Coach R1 of the KTM Komuter to Penang at 9pm. We were actually gonna do it. Never mind the fact that we had no definite plans or contacts lined up for us over there. All we had were our tickets, backpacks, and some vague idea that we were gonna go on a vacation for 3 days of fun. Never mind that we never actually thought what the fun would consist of. Oh well, I've always believed in trying everything at least once.

I never knew a train could be so cold. I never knew how hard it was to aim for the toilet bowl in a constantly moving and jerking train. I was pretty much ok halfway through the mind-numbingly dull 9 hour trip. But after we passed the halfway mark, the boredom and inability to sleep finally got to me. Apparently the guys were having the same problem too. So we decided to head on to the Cafeteria Coach. To do that we had to pass the 2nd Class Economy coaches and the 1st Class coaches. Had to nervously walk through a coach while trying to keep my balance to avoid falling on some poor passengers lap. They should make an Olympic event out of this. The passageway was complete with obstacles. Just barely managed to avoid kneeing a suddenly drooping head and had to twist to get by outstretched legs that popped out from seats. Apparently the Cafe Coach is warmer than our freakin' Antartic Coach. Managed to catch a few winks sprawled on the dining table there. On our way back to Igloo HQ, we had to pass the 1st Class coaches where passengers were brilliantly snoring away on their bed and curtained spaces. Damn them and their comfort. Saw that most of 'em left their shoes on the floor. Had this urge to switch everyone's shoes around and cause some confusion or at least a fight. Imagine the chaos. Aaaah.. Either that or I would've liked to throw some shoes off the train. Serves 'em right for snoring away while I'm freezing my ass off. But finally we decided to simply hang out in the small section between the coaches. Spent an hour or two simply standing and cracking stupid jokes. Even managed to bug some friends by calling or sms-ing 'em in the wee hours of the morning. "Help. Tayar keretapi dah pancit!" and the other messages of the same ilk were sent to kill time. Funny thing 'bout people who seem to be waiting for trains at the train stations. They seem to be either hard of hearing or they just have a bad sense of direction.
Jeremy shouting from inside the train: Bang! Ini stop apa? Bukit Mertajam ke?
Dude loafing at train station: Bukit Mertajam?! Itu awak kena tukar naik Keretapi Sinar Malam!
Say what? Dude, we're already on the freaking train to Bukit Mertajam.

We reached Penang and had to wait at a bus stop to catch a bus to the ferry station. Jeremy managed to go to church during that time while Sathia laughed at me as passerby's gawked at the Amazing Sleeping Hidzad With His Mouth Open. Finally reached Penang Island and took the cabbie's recommendation to stay at the Waldorf Hotel. Visions of the Waldorf Astoria in NYC passed through my head and I wondered how the hell I was gonna pay for a room. No need to worry it seems. The Penang version of the Waldorf was actually a Chinese low budget hotel smack in the middle of town. Oh well, beggars can't be choosy. During the day, our area seemed to be a rather quiet part of town. My my my, how things changed at night. We came back from Gurney to find the road to our hotel full of loitering people. Hmm.. must be a nice place to hang out, the naive me thought. But holy crap! We were living on Transvestite Alley! Woo-hoo! Felt like giving out a nice hi-i'm-staying-nearby greeting like, "Hey cik adik manis.. servis berapa? Boleh test rasa dulu tak?", but thought better of it. Those girls/guys/things looked suspiciously well-built. I can just see it. Us scrambling through the back alleys of Penang while being chased by the well-toned ladies with high-heels in their dainty hand's. Imagine the pounding we woulda gotten. Another funny thing 'bout our hotel that I noticed when I got there was that it had a fitness center. The funny thing was that it had no gym equipment and no-one seemed to come there to work out. But it did have an abundance of amoi's there. Then i finally figured it out. Duh...! It was a fitness center/ 'massage' parlour. The place massaged things. Checked out the hotel next door and saw another fitness center. Apparently no well-meaning low budget hotel can do without a fitness center, if you get what I mean. *wink*

There is so much more to tell and so many things that happened. But I really don't think I have the writing talent to squeaze 'em all in. We hung out at Gurney, rode all the way up Komtar with the old Chinese lady on her stool holding a walkie-talkie, ate at Burma Square with wet clothes, kayakked and posed at Ferringhi, toured Kek Lok Si Temple to witness the turtles, samurai swords, Buddhist statues and The Amazing Capitalist Monks, walked to Penang Hill, went through the Youth Park, managed to even catch two crappy movies, and hiked around the Botanical Gardens with the crazed monkeys around. Plus my back is really hurting bad. Let's just say we went to all the touristy places and had some wacky non-touristy adventures. Oh, and a huge thanks to Peng Ai. You went outta your way to show us a good time despite not even knowing I was coming down to Penang. I owe you big.

It was a great experience with the guys. Great memories, good laughs, so many stories to tell the other guys, a few aches, and some wet pants. But hey, pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever.

2004-09-02T20:35:00.000+08:00

back to the nitty-gritty

I got back from my vacation in Penang yesterday morning and drove back home in the afternoon. A few near car crash incidents due to sleep deprivation and a short nap later and I'm home now. Thankfully there's a highway that leads back to home now.

20 hours in that freakin' train. Never again. Never again, I tell you. I'd write abit 'bout the trip but I don't really have the time right now to sort through all the things that happened and to actually try to make it sound interesting so I can do justice to the whole experience. Maybe later. The reason, guys? I got a ton of work to do. BDP case study, BDP lab project, a Micro-P quiz is comin' up, the Micro-P assignment(!), IT Act and MSD midterms to study for. I guess I'm using this to remind me of all the things I have to do. 'Cos I'm procrascinating badly here! Feeling kinda overwhelmed and trying to force myself to take the first step to do all of this work.

Help.

2004-08-25T19:30:00.000+08:00

and i could not ask for more

Yeah, this image seems about right. Uh-huh...

The things girls should know about guys:

1. We really don't wanna know 'bout the latest cute guy in town and listen to you gushing over his perfect pecs or whatnot. Nor do we want you to point out Cute Boy to us when we're together. Insecure? Of course not. You can compliment us and gush about us anytime in our company. See? We're reasonable people.

2. We know there's something when you utter "Nothing" with that look. The word 'Nothing' just ignites klaxons and warning bells in our head's. 'Nothing' brings up the phrase, 'Oh shit, what have I done now', in our head's. We also know that 'Nothing' means, 'Grovel til I give you mercy and deign to tell you what's on my mind' in girl-lingo. And don't act all annoyed when we're actually trying to find out what's wrong so we can help make things better. You wouldn't like it if we replied "Nothing" with "Ok", and went on watching the football game, would you?

3. We do know that when you talk about your problems (you call it 'whining', when us guys do it), we're supposed to just nod, say, "Uh-huh, I'm sure things will be ok", and offer comfort. But we're guys. We really try but it's in our genetic make-up to offer solutions. Please don't get offended. We're just trying to help and have your best intentions at heart. When we offer to help, please just say, "Ok", instead of going, "Takpelah, no need..". All we need is a lil approval and we're just trying to be your knight in shining armour. So sue us, it's just how we are.

4. We will do all sorts of lil things to make you happy and put up with alot of stuff if we really really really like you. And I mean really, bits to pieces, heels over head, like you. But don't mistake that as an invitation to trample all over our head's and treat us as doormats when you're PMS-ing or just when you feel like it. There's a limit to everything and one day we might just snap and go on a violent rampage and end up mauling our most hated lecturer (You! You! You IT Act lecturer!). You don't wanna be responsible for that, do you? Do you..?

5. Good food and great nookie works everytime.

2004-08-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

i live for the moment as i don't know when it will all end

Funny how a short drive for lunch at the local foodcourt turns into a change of plans to the nearby KFC and then a dash to MidV that suddenly involves seemingly the whole of KL being there, a thought-provoking movie, Cruella De Ville giving us the look and goin' paedophile on us, a hair-horny stewardess named Norzila, a fully horny Farid, Kenny Rogers as usual, and ogling at some pastries.

I was supposed to study during the whole day, dammit.

2004-08-22T10:42:00.000+08:00

as we laugh about your pineapples

The little things about you that make me smile as I drift off to sleep.

1. Sharing a newspaper between us. And how you read aloud for me the interesting bits and stories. Then you somehow manage a rather unflattering psycho-analysis of me based on an article of an i-pod. I flirt around and don't seem serious 'bout relationships 'cos I happen to like two different versions of i-pod's at once. Uh-huh.. Sure.. That sounds reasonable.. *Smirks*

2. Playfully arguing with you. Laughing while sarcastic retorts and sexual inuendo comments are flung about between us. I sometimes win until you make it seem like a guilty pleasure as you give me those adorably sweet heart-tugging merajuk looks with pursed lips. In the end, I don't mind giving in. And no, this doesn't mean I'm treating you like a kid. I just prefer seeing you happy, babe =)

3. How you love your late nights while I cherish my mornings. As we talk, our late nights turn into early mornings and I look outside to see the sun rising. Or the parking ticket costing me 10 bucks. Time seems to pass by in a blur when we're together.

4. How you seem so full of life, and that makes me feel so alive. Perky is a word I've used to describe you at times, but you seem to be annoyed it. Plus you manage to utter words like, 'Proceed' and 'Shall' with a straight face while I try not snicker.

5. How you seem to think that I'm some kind of eating monster. But eating has always just been excuse to see you, babe. You're the only person I've been out with who doesn't mind not having a bite of something or even a drink, but rather preferring to watch me stuff myself. While laughing at me as the bits of food that tend to splutter out from me when you make me laugh.

6. Having you close as we walk. And the adorable way you have to look up at me as we talk while still not admitting that I'm way taller than you.

7. The fact that you still don't seem to realize what a wonder you are and how beautiful you are to me.

8. I notice that you keep saying 'no' or 'can't' to me but then you seem to come close to me without even realizing it. I guess sometimes it just feels natural. Especially if you'd just let us happen.

9. Your undeniable logic. *Eyes start rolling*

10. The organized chaos that is you and me.

11. It feels like a fairytale to have you in my arms. And then you go, "Hidzad...."

2004-08-21T15:48:00.001+08:00

last call for alcohol

There I was. With 9 other guys and surrounded by about 200 young women in a big swanky hotel room. How do I get myself into these situations?

It isn't as illicit as I make it out to be. Woke up in the morning and Farid out of the blue asks if I wanna get a free lunch. Say what? Like that ever needs to be asked. He says we needed to get all spiffed up in shirt and tie. Before heading over to the Marriott, we pick up Kamil. Kamil is apparently a big-shot in the national Majlis Mahasiswa Pahang, and he was the one that invited us to tag along. So I figured it would be just a get-together and a free lunch like the last one we went to at Putrajaya Convention Centre.

I never really bothered to ask what kind of event we were heading for as Farid had basically said the magic words. 'Free food'. Why bother with questions and explanations. Go with the flow, baby. We reach the convention hall at the Marriott and a banner greets us. 'Konvension Mahasiswi Pahang 2004: Wanita Hari Ini, Harapan Hari Esok'. Oh. My. God. We were at a chick convention! We arrived late and heads turned. I was feeling rather sheepish when Kamil finally explained that the organizer of the event had called him last night and asked him to bring along a few guys as the MB would be attending and would like to see a few male faces as well. Anything to help my MB.

We settled down at the back of the hall and waited for the speeches to finish so we could get down to the serious stuff. The free lunch. We missed the first few speeches of the day (awww, dammit..) but happened to be right in time for the last speech before lunch. Surpise, surprise, when the speaker turned out to be Puan Fatimah, an English lecturer at Uniten. She started of her speech by asking everyone to stand up and sing along to the song Hero by Mariah. I didn't know whether to hide under the table or cackle out loud. But Farid seemed to be enjoying the moment. Apparently, Hero is one of his fave songs. Puan Fatimah did a speech/discussion about a few of the dilemma's that women face nowadays. I have to admit it was quite interesting. Especially when most of the audience didn't seem shy to share their opinions. And the fact that there were plenty of free sweets at hand and expensive paper to doodle on made me even more attentive.

But surprisingly interesting discussions aside, lunch finally came. And it did not disappoint. And it came in style. A 3 course meal! And no, it ain't nuthin' like KFC's 3 course meal. Kamil turned up and handed us some VIP tags. My my my.. what wonders a different coloured tag makes. We walked the red carpet with the VIP's to the banquet area. Waiters waited our arrival with smiles while politely showing us to our seats. Other waiters magically appear and open up our napkins and place them on our laps. Plates and plates of delicious hot food are on the table. Plus they just keep on comin'. And best of all, I didn't really know anyone so I spent most of the time stuffing myself instead of making small-talk.

Thanks alot to you Kamil. And best of all, he says there's gonna be another event at PWTC next month. My stomach can't wait.

2004-08-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

budak kampung kejar lembu di pekan koboi

Damn you, f*&$#*@(*$">*;$#*@(*$!!?! Akademi Fantasia!!

There I was in Hassan Cafe engrossed in the first match of the Premiership season between my beloved Tottenham Hotspur and some crappy team called LiverFool. I have to admit we were being somewhat outplayed in the first half but the signs were still encouraging as we had 6 new players in the first team playing together for the first time. Half-time approached and suddenly the akak jaga-counter switched channels to AF.

We all shot her dirty looks but she seemed oblivious to it all. Her eyes were intently staring at the TV as if a hawk watching it's prey while other fellow co-workers slinked in like sneaky snakes and grabbed seats to catch the show. Hello?? What are you guys doing? You're supposed to be working! You're not supposed to be putting your lazy asses down to catch some entertainment. That's what we're there for, dammit! A plea to the akak to change channels was met by a frosty stare and, "Customer nak tengok AF." Say what?? The only customers who were paying any whatsoever attention to AF were an old invalid couple who looked like they could barely see past their own noses. The rest of the AF groupies consisted of her and fellow starry-eyed co-workers. Thus, after gritting my teeth and watching some dude named Afundi Adam do his manic octopus dance impression, we all left the place with veiled threats and muttered curses.

What is the big deal with AF anyway? I don't get what all the hoo-ha fuss is over. Put 'em on Malaysian Idol and I swear they'd get their cute lil hearts torn apart by Roslan Aziz and Paul Moss. It's basically a popularity contest. Plus with all the contestants pretending to be nice so they can garner votes, it's abit of a sick lovefest. I think it'd be alot more fun if there was bitching, manipulation, cat-fighting and punches thrown. Basically people being themselves instead of cute cut-outs. Imagine that. A whole new level of entertainment! The ratings for the show would shoot through the roof. It'd be like Survivor with microphones and dance moves. And of course, the prescence of the delectable Linda Jasmin (that is her name, right?). I think I'll send an e-mail to the producers in awhile.

Oh, Spurs drew with Liverpool 1-1. Not a bad start to the season considering all things.

2004-08-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

like a clown, i put on a show

Dear Ms./ Mrs./ Thing I.T. Act Lecturer,

I should be studying for my MSD and Micro-P tests. And I've had alot of horrendously bad days lately so I really don't need this crap, which happens to be sitting through your lame classes, to further compound my misery and sadness. So there is no need for you to sit for 10 minutes in front without saying a word and staring at your damn computer monitor. No, I'm not eager to hear you jabbering on about God know's what, but the sooner you start, the quicker the class will end, dammit. I cant believe I'm paying close to 1k to hear you reading your damn slides verbatim. I'm not still in kindergarten and I don't need someone to read to me. Contrary to popular rumour, I do actually know how to read.

I presume that you are not married and have no potential romantic attachments on the horizon. This is based on the fact that you are such a mean, moody, caustic, seem to have grown up as a neglected child, lacking in love, straightlaced and slow-ass biatch. But there is no reason to let that all spill out and cause serious emotional damage to your students, and especially to me. Is there really a need to shriek at a group of students who are presenting a project because there was a single typo, or to expect us to memorize every single fact in your stupid slides. And despite the fact that you are a seriously disturbed person, there is no justification for bawling out a student for not knowing an answer or giving an answer that happens to be different from what's contained in your precious slides. There is this thing called 'critical and analytical thinking'. Perhaps you've heard of it, Ms. Dumbass?

The sharp increase in murder cases must be a cause of concern for you, maam. I know you must be jittery that you might be 'accidentally' rammed by a car of a disgruntled student anyday. Or perhaps you might be worried about inhaling poisonous toxic fumes. That must be the reason you keep walking around while wrinkling your nose like you smell something bad. Or is that just your natural look, perhaps?

You must also wonder what that constant humming at the back of the class is. No, it isn't the air-conditioner. That is the dim buzz of annoyed students ranting and bitching about you. "Aku cabut kasut baling kat dia kang..", "Bawak anjing aku masuk baru tau. Makan dia ni..", "Woi. I bet she got fired from her job as a lawyer and now she's here to torment us.", "What crap is goin' on here...". The list is endless. I also know for a fact that if one student is suddenly unable to control his/her rage and starts to pummel you, the rest of us would join in and it would turn into a massive Royal Rumble. I smile and feel suddenly serene when thinking of something like this happenning.

Thus, I recommend that horse tranquilizers should be given out to all students who have the misfortune to be enrolled in your class. We really should not have to feel the pain and mental trauma that is associated with this shit that is also known as your IT Act class.

Sincerely yours,

Your Most Aggravated Student.

p.s. I went to Sathia's birthday party in Seremban. Me, Jeremy and Tim were the anamolies.

2004-08-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

some people doubt what i say, but just remember that i'll be there through all the stormy weather

Me and the guys were hanging out in Hartamas a few days ago. We were chatting and suddenly this uber-babe sits down alone a few tables away. Cue the exclamations of, "Kau pegi la mintak number..!" and "Whoa..."

So this is for all the guys out there.

We as guys know how hard it is to find a hot female all alone in a place packed with people. Usually these rare desirable but seemingly inaccessible species will be clustered in a pack of rabid girlfriends on a 'girls night out' who seem intent on glaring at anyone who dares to even try enter their circle of protection. These groups of women are a major source of anxiety for us. Her defensive postion vastly outnumbers any guy's attacking options (imagine this as trying to crack a safe which is surrounded by tripwires).

But fear not. It is only the weak who would sooner escape a fight rather than than claim the grand prize with a few bruises. If you are willing to infiltrate the lady-fortress and claim the prize of the girl that stirs your masculine mettle and and kindles your loins, then damn it all! Because she will be yours.

Imagine this. You're at a club or a hang-out spot. You see her. There she is, partly veiled by her ne-'er-do-well posse. You try to catch her eye. You see her throwing her head back in laughter and flashing that smile of hers. She then catches your glance and holds that smile and directs it at you. So do you have a strategy? Will you go gung-ho and proceed with the direct approach or will you get sneaky and counter-attack down the flanks? Are you ready for your attacking incursion? Read on, amateurs.

1. Talk to all her friends
It is easier for you to gain access to your desired one's carnal treasure if her allies let down their guard and tone down their frothy snarls, and most importantly, respect you. To accomplish this, address each and every lady in the group (even the hairy one). Get each one to like you so the collective guard is lowered. Yes, this involves charming the pants off many women instead one, and is easier said than done. But only those who dare and have courage burning brightly inside their loins shall succeed, no?
You know the drill, guys. You just have to multiply it. Be friendly and polite. Smile. Ask alot of questions so they do all the talking and nod along. Laugh politely every few seconds. Ask all of them general questions and show interest in all of them ( yes, even the hairy one again). However, keep your ears sharp on what your target babe is saying. For instance, if she says, "I'm a computer programmer," you answer with, "Really, that's terrific. I love new software and upgrading my PC." Ignore the basic fact that the only reason you have a PC and an Internet connection is to surf for porn.
As her cronies relax, gradually focus on your target, but take your time. If you pounce too soon, they will see through your Trojan horse and slam close the narrow gates of pleasure.

2. Catch her when she's on her own.
Catch up with her as she's off to get a drink or on her way back from the bathroom. You'll have to be quick in your seduction as she'll probably feel uncomfortable and want to return to her yakking posse where she feels safe. Seduce her with your verbal charm. Pay her a genuine compliment which you've obsereved. Avoid a whopping cliche like, "I love your eyes." This just makes you a huge target for ridicule from a massive counter-attack and rebuttal. Plus make sure that you have something ready to talk about after the original compliment.

3. Use wingmen
Good wingmen will help keep her gal-pals busy and off your back while you work your charm. It will also help relieve most of her guilt for ditching her crew for you, especially if they fall on the.. uhmm.. 'homely' side of the scale. If you can match the number of your wingmen to her friends, then you will have gained a huge tactical advantage. Plus the fact that you seem to have very good buddies who are willing to help you out in a pinch ( yes, once again this means helping to chat up the hairy one).

So you can see that women in groups are not the impenetrable Fort Knox that they can sometimes seem to be. With a little charm, some wiles, and a lot of confidence, you can gain entry into any girl crew, fend off her guards, and claim your trophy damsel. Impossible is nothing.

Enjoy.

2004-08-01T04:38:00.000+08:00

it feels like a long december without you near

Speaking of trips, I've been on a journey of gastronomical delight lately. Let's see what I've been scarfing on these past few days.

Started by gobbling up junk food like popcorn, nachos and Cheezels with my classmates Nicky, Tim, Jeremy etc. while watching I, Robot. It was a pretty good movie. Well, the parts that I paid attention to while I wasn't stuffing myself with 'borrowed' popcorn.

Then I hung out for a day with Khairina who was back from medical school inIreland. Met up with Jay, Faqroul and Anwar at MidV. The guys seemed to be acting rather female-ish. They were on a shopping binge. Especially Jay, who seemed to have a stressed out look on his face everytime he went into a store that didn't have a shirt he liked. Had sushi with Khairina there before we decided to head to Hartamas for kuey teow with those big pink chopsticks. The tables there still seemed too high for us though. Later in the night, went out with the guys for ABC ice-cream at Yus. The guys said we'd just be out for a drink, but they ended up ending having a feast of sorts. Nasi ayam, nasi goreng bla bla bla..

Today, had a nice breakfast alone of a couple of roti jala and roti bakar. In the afternoon, Farid wanted to check out the junior girls who were playing in a bowling competition in South City Plaza. Or as he put it succintly, "Nak tengok bontot." So I tagged along. Butts are butts. The mall surpisingly had two of my most fave foods in the world. Hot dogs and cinammon buns! Grabbed a coney dog from 1901 and two hot buns from Cinnabon.

And for dinner, me and the guys (Faqroul, Anwar, Farid, Aiman, Sam and Syahil) went to Putrajaya for satay. My current fetish for ABC is still strong. So had a bowl of it.

And just now, Farid suddenly got the notion to drag us all out. So it was back to Hartamas Square. I ended up ordering more sushi than I wanted because I basically didn't understand what the girl was saying. I was just going along and saying, "Uh-huh. Okay."

I gotta say that I've been totally bloated lately. No wonder I've been playing football like shit. *Burp!*

2004-07-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

hold on before the good is gone

I have this bad habit when I drive. I tend to get completely lost. Especially when I'm all alone or with someone who isn't sure of the way either. We'll just keep going round and round looking for our destination. I might see a landmark I recognize or a signboard that seems to be pointing in the right direction. But even these aren't a sure sign I'll reach where I wanna go. I might end up missing a turn or I just ignore the logic of the situation and end up following my gut instinct. Exclamations of, "I know what I'm doing!" and "This looks familiar.." are added to give a reassuring note to the ride.

Does it bug me if I get lost? If I'm all alone and there's no rush, I just tend to fret and end up looking like some jakun who's never seen the big city before. My head swivels constantly looking for signboards but I always remember thinking that it was an interesting experience in the end.

If someone is with me, I guess it depends on the company. I've had quite a few rides with someone where we've been stuck on the road looking for a particular destination for hours and hours on end. With certain people, the ride seems to be more worthwhile than reaching our destination. Hours in the car fly by and are spent talking, having a good laugh, arguing playfully over inane stuff like how do people actually manage to stay with each other for the rest of their lives, or sitting comfortably in silence. They say you know you've found someone special if you can sit in silence with that someone and be completely at ease with it. I've always like the idea of that. Being able to sit comfortably in silence with someone. And somehow still feeling connected. Seeing the person curled up next to me and relaxing during the trip without needing to question every turn, every nuance of a word, and nitpicking details. Because these sort of questions just tend to make me a little jumpy and tense.

It would be cool to just simply enjoy the ride. Enjoy the simple moments we're together, wanting to be together, just letting things flow and not be so hung-up on the outcome. Take in the sights and let us be who we are completely. Notice the quirky little details like long toes and ankle bracelets or seeing that someone preen unsciously and the guy in the car beside us singing along to the radio station we're listening to. Making each other smile and laugh. Embracing the good things that come your way. Feeling at ease. And at peace.

I guess finding your way in life and getting to know someone is always more about the journey rather than destination. It may be a bit risky because you never know where you might end up, but the ride would've well made up for it. And who knows- with a little luck, patience, and laughter, you might actually reach where you wanna go with that someone.

2004-07-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

why tempt me with so much but give me nothing?

Splurged: On a new shirt.

The Micro-P quiz: Flunked with aplomb.

Football: Kinda sucks nowadays.

Mood: Antagonized and annoyed with the world.

~~I'd just like some TLC, please...~~

2004-07-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

laugh a little slower, talk a little lower

There seems to be a conspiracy going on. The cleaning ladies are hatching a nefarious plot against us.

Every single other wastebasket on our floor has a plastic garbage thingie in 'em. Except for ours. This has been going on for the past week or so. What's going on here? Did we do something wrong? So maybe our trash overflows at times. They don't have to get all huffy and not put in those garbage plastic thingies. Do I have to leave a thank you note for 'em? "Kak, terima kasih atas kerja baik anda. Kami sangat menghargaimu."

Or is this a sign they have the hots for us? Maybe I'll find a love letter in the wastebasket tomorrow. Our apartment is kinda occupied by really good looking people. Really...

Or I'll just probaly switch wastebaskets with the apartment next door tomorrow.

2004-07-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

i'd be lost in space without you

Had my first quiz of the semester. IT Act. It's a subject about law. And no, I don't know why I have to take it either. It's pretty interesting. Except for the lecturer who seems intent on telling all of us her life story. Basically she reads her slides for 20 minutes. She then spends the rest of the 3 freakin' hours available rambling on whatever she seems to think is appropriate to her. Plus she laughs at all of her own jokes. Then she looks up to see all of us stare at her dumb-founded. I now know she took the STPM exam, wanted to be an English teacher but didn't pass her TESL exam, so she decided to go to law school. Huh?

I'm certain I aced my quiz. How do I know? Because, John, who was sitting beside me copied all his answers from notes that he brought along. I compared answers and found mine to be exactly right on the money. Not a bad start. Now for Micro-P this Wednesday which is alot harder.

Oops. I should be in IT Act class now. What- ever.

2004-07-25T18:43:00.000+08:00

how far would i go if i had to forget all i know

This has been one of the most difficult weeks in my life. I feel like I've been hit by a truck and thrown into a blender. I haven't been able to take my mind of this problem. Looking for a solution. Feeling helpless. I've seen the ugly side of me again. Fighting with my own emotions to do what's right. And constantly losing that battle. Losing what little I had with her.

Most people see me as the person I want to be. Not many see the part of me that I want to hide. The part of me I desperately want to change. The part of me that comes out when I feel like I have no control on what's happenning. When I feel that an important part of my life is unravelling. I become self-centred, a petulant prat, clingy, depressed. Tired and impatient. Why am I telling this? Yes, writing all this helps me make some sense of it all. It creates a moment of peace and clarity in me. But how long will that last till I forget again? Until I slip again? Maybe if I read this over and over again, it'll help me remember to do the right things. And not do the things I feel are right.
Why am I letting other people know about this side of me? That, with alot of other things currently, I have no answer for.

Do I regret telling her how I feel? Perhaps. Maybe I should have shown her the worst side of me first. Then we probably would have avoided all this confusion and hurt. As she would have stayed clear of me. She was right to have doubted me. And I was wrong not to give her all the time she needed.

She deserves alot better than this. She deserves someone alot better than me. Someone without the ugliness in me. She deserves rainbows and butterflies in winter. Because she is a truly amazing person. All the little things I adore about her. Her beauty. Even in the light of morning after being woken from sleep. How I can't put into words how wonderful she is. I, meanwhile, deserve to be sent to a mental asylum for being such an idiot and messing everything up. And I fear I am the one that lost her.

Would it be better if I hadn't tried? Do I regret my feelings for her? No. Because for better or worse, my feelings for her are still here. And they are still true and unshakable.

2004-07-21T22:29:00.000+08:00

the sweetest and most fleeting of kisses

This is the tale of a popcorn whore.

20 minutes left until King Arthur would start. I harangued, harassed, shouted and threatened Sam and Anwar to get their lazy butts moving. Sped off like a bat out of Hell and cursed every single slow-ass driver who happened to be in my vicinity. Juan Pablo Montoya would be so proud of my high speed cornering technique. Managed to completely freak out Anwar and Sam who both have never seen the maniac driver side of me. Arrived with 5 minutes to spare. Bought tickets and bothered Burn at the popcorn counter.

The movie had good reviews but it was kinda disappointing for me. Lacked the epic feel and didnt have much ooomph to it. Except maybe for the battle scene at the frozen lake. Spent much of the movie thinking of other things on my mind. But hey, at least I managed to gobble up most of the popcorn which Anwar bought and got my fave 1901 hotdog.

And my heartfelt thanks to all of my compadres who've kept me laughing constantly these past few days. Kudos.

"Get down!! Get down again!!!" - Pablo Francisco

2004-07-20T04:57:00.000+08:00

see the boy with the broken smile

Its funny. I don't remember being heartbroken feeling this bad. This painful.

There must be something really ugly in me for her to say good night. Good bye...?

2004-07-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

land of hope and glory, how shall we extole thee

Made plans with Hazry, Faqroul and Farid to catch the football game between Malaysia and Norwich City FC at Bukit Jalil. But then, Farid decided to disappear. He says he went to Ampang to see his aunt. My theory is that he just wanted to watch Akademi Fantasia. Freak.

So we decided to meet up in MidV. But somehow Hazry decided to turn into a girl for the day. First he said he'd meet us at 4. Then he called to say he'd be there by 5. Lo and behold, another call and he says he can't make it now. Faqroul seems used to Hazry's feminine antics, but I'm seriously annoyed til another call comes in and Hazry changes his mind again and finally decides to deign us with his prescence. Melayu tetap Melayu. Use the time to check out F.O.S for some shirts. And whoaaa... they're selling off official England jersey's and t-shirts on the cheap! Manna from heaven! Bought the 2002 England jersey and a training shirt. Hazry arrives and spies my shirts. Now he wants to check out F.O.S. His eyes light up and Hazry seems on the verge of buying a jersey til he decides to go girly again and waffles and says he needs time to make sure he makes the right decision on a shirt. My eyes start to roll increasingly now. To ease my bewildered state, I decide to buy another t-shirt. The shopaholic in me has returned with a vengeance and also with some help from the government. Thank God for small miracles like JPA money. Who says money and clothes can't buy you happiness?

I happened to see two kids who used to live in my apartment block in Palm Garden. They were there with their parents. The whole family seemed intent on checking out the Peugeot cars on display at the lobby atrium. It's funny how all these people swarm around cars on display. They sit in em, check out what's under the hood while making sounds like, "Uh-hmm, this looks shiny and fast." Dude, it's an engine. They even sit in the trunks. Most possibly to check out the car's suspension by the way they keep bouncing on it. Then there are those that love to slam the doors. I swear the salespeople cringed everytime there was a thunk!, thwap!, or klong! They should put up a sign on the cars. 'Once broken, consider sold.' That'd scare the beejeebees outta some people.

We grab a bite to eat at McD. While sitting at the table and waiting for the guys to order, I indulged in my personal bad habit of listening into nearby conversations. A girl was telling her friends about some fight she had with another girl at a club and how the parents seemed to get involved in it later. It also involved some shoving and cat-fighting from what I gather from her expressions and jerky arm movements. Or maybe she was just showing off her epileptic dance moves. Well I think if there was a fight, then the girl was probably the hands-down winner. She had the body size of a cute rhino.

"Love is like a rhino. It is short-sighted and hasty. If it can't find away, it will make a way."

Head off to Bukit Jalil to catch the game. Hazry manages to somehow take us through the super long way there. He mumbles an excuse bout missing a turn. Uh-huh.. yeah sure.. We get there and it's surprisingly jam packed with people. Well, I've never like crowds and any place with more than 50 people seems packed to me. So maybe you can imagine how I felt inside the madding crowd. We decide to be distinctly un-Malaysian-like and take the pedestrian bridge to get to the stadium instead of jay-walking across the road right under the noses of the traffic cops like all the others. I swear that pedestrian bridge has never seen the footprints of more than a couple of people. There wasn't even any litter or graffiti on it. Freaky. Faqroul seemed to like the bridge. He said something bout it being a perfect make-out place. Nice view and no people, see? Durrty boy, you.

Finally get into the stadium past the ticket guys who'd make the custom officers at Heathrow hang their heads in shame. "Ticket! Mana ticket?! Joe.. cepat handle yang bahagian ni! Woi! Beratur la!" Hazry's female side once again emerges. We find some seats before he decides we should go down another level. What- ever. We settle down to watch the game and already I'm feeling sleepy. Damn, I pity the players who pull on our national jersey. The crowd is cruel and heartless. Every little mistake is booed incessantly. Even a backpass is jeered. I'm not sure why, but at every game there has to be at least one heckler who loves to hear his own shrieking voice while shouting out disparaging insults to the team he supports. "Woi!! Nak tido balik la! Lari la, woi!!" And other witty remarks like these. Give it a break, man. It was only funny for the first few minutes. Malaysia's #20 seems to take most of the brunt of all the fans ire. Us Malaysians being typical Malaysians, we cheer like mad when Norwich score. I'm getting really sleepy and bored. Contemplating streaking onto the field but decide to overhear another conversation for the hell of it instead. Apparently Zarina got kicked outta Akademi Fantasia tonight. Faqroul and Hazry seem to be incredulous when they hear this. I, on the other hand, have no idea who she is. No Astro at home. During half-time there's a slow parade of about ten Proton and Lotus cars going around the running track. I kept hoping that there would be a massive five car pile-up. Or at least a fender-bender. That would be pretty entertaining. And true to Malaysian fashion, Proton didn't disappoint us. The Proton Wira Cabrio broke down right in front of us! The panicky people inside the car rush to open the hood and check out what's wrong. Like they know. I'm laughing like mad at this moment. Malaysia boleh! And awww... wonder of wonders, they manage to re-start the car and it zooms off to join the others in front.

Oh yeah. Malaysia lost to Norwich. 0-1. Bah.

2004-07-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

she is bittersweet

I remember a night out a couple of years ago. A few friends and me went to Bangsar to grab some drinks and shoot the breeze. We were passing by this club and happened to see a pretty lady knocked out drunk and sprawled over 3 barstools. We happened to think this was pretty funny so we went for a closer look. It took us by surprise when we realized we actually knew the lady. Well, we didn't really know her. It was more like we recognized her as she happened to be a pretty big star. Just as we were thinking of rowsing Malaysia's premier Jazz Queen, we got shooed off by a celebrity friend of hers. I went away pretty disappointed. Not because I didn't get an autograph or anything like that, but more so because I felt I had been let down. Bamboozled. She had an image of being portrayed as so wanita timur and elegant in publications, but there she was... dead to the world with her mouth hanging slightly open.

I'm not knocking on her for drinking. It's not that. It's more so that I can't get over the fact that she's made out to be a victim and good mother but I see her looking like some typical drunken 'ho. She had a good reputation.

Reputations.

Awhile ago, I had this bad habit of seeing the bad in people for no reason. I wouldn't even know the person and I'd think he or she was a snob, stuck up, a pissant or whatever. I'm not sure why I did this. Sometimes it might be something someone said about the person. Or it might just be a gut feeling that I had about 'em. But when I actually got to know that person, it turns out I was completely wrong. Usually they turn out to be pretty decent people. Funny, witty, and even intelligent at times. Some have even become very good friends of mine. And no, not all turn out to be nice people. A few actually do live up to their bad reputations. But that's a very small minority. What I'm getting at is that I believe nowadays, people should be given a chance to show who they are. Because people do change. For better or for worse. Just because someone has a reputation doesn't mean we have to believe it. We should be able to try to look past that and make our own opinions based on how we, ourselves, interact with them. That, in my opinion, is how it should be in a perfect world. But unfortunately, we don't live in a utopian world. People will always have a preconceived notion of something or someone. That's just how we are. But for me, speaking from experience from both ends of the argument, I think we should try to at least give someone the benefit of the doubt. See for ourselves who they are based on how that person vibes with us and not based on what other people say. But hey - this is just my opinion on it. And I've been on both sides of this.

2004-07-15T04:15:00.000+08:00

somewhere, somehow... someone

Can't sleep.

Why do I put so much control of my happiness in the hands of others? I allow too many thoughts to prey on my mind. When I know that I should just let things be. And let it all slide over me.

I need to sleep.

2004-07-10T03:25:00.000+08:00

could i have a happy ending?

It's funny the things you think of when you're in a cinema watching a movie for the second time.

I've never liked riding roller-coasters. I can count the number of times I've been on a 'coaster on one hand. Well, actually I can count the amount on two fingers. Yeah, rationally I can understand the thrill of going up and down and feeling the gravitational pull that just makes your head snap back while trying to stop projectiles of vomit from splurting outta your mouth can be oh-so-cool. But it ain't really for me. I could say that the reason I don't like roller-coasters is because of some obscure medical condition that prevents me from enjoying the sense of vertigo and the insane rush of blood to the head while your screams seem to get stuck in the pit of your stomach. But I won't. The honest truth is that I'm just freakin scared of 'em. The oh-so-slow ride to the top. Then plunging down and seeing the ground somehow blitz straight at you and waiting for your head to be squished like an over-ripe watermellon. Seeing coins drop from pockets and seemingly drifting to the ground when you're upside down. Dodging a few speckles of spit. Everything's a blurry rush. It's too much too fast. And the fact that I don't like it is kinda weird. Cos I think I'm the type that expects alot quickly. Roller-coasters should be right up my alley.

Life these past few days has been like that. Bloating away at home with nothing to do. The slow hot days where my only friends were the flippant tv, beloved Internet, irritating sisters and devoted books. Then suddenly being thrust back into the college life. Friends, lecturers, lessons, equations, the madding crowd and unexpected emotions cause a sudden sharp uptake in thoughts and emotions. At times, it feels like I've lost control. So much stuff to do. People to see again. Things to talk about. Issues to resolve. Matters to forget. The heart taking an unexpected leap. Learning more about me. Feels like I took a 360 degrees flip upwards in the roller-coaster of life. There are many things I'm still uncertain of. But there are also certain feelings that are unshakeable and particular people I'm absolutely sure of.

Yeah, there is that sense of trepidation when I feel overwhelmed. But it comes and goes. Quite often, it's replaced by a sense of anticipation nowadays. Maybe even some hope. At times, I'm afraid to put too much faith in certain issues and people cos disappointment has been quite a good friend of mine. But after this first week and finally having some time for myself to put all those jumble of thoughts into a coherent order (my thinking place happens to be on my back in bed with hands behind my head, watching the fan spin over me, listening to the sounds of someone else's mp3's while people walk past my door), I believe that's in the past. I am trying to give the important issues in my life the time and chance to work out. It's not a rush job and patience is a virtue (or so I've heard). So right now I'm just holding on and trying to enjoy the ride. Maybe I'll even like riding those damn roller-coasters someday. Besides, the world owes me at least some happiness and fulfillment.

Quickie:
Played football in the evening and actually saw a guy play barefoot in a brilliantly white baju melayu. To top it all off, he actually wore a kain sampin too. You rock, man.
Had nasi lemak in Bangsar before a movie with the guys and then ABC-cream (fave!). Funny how it is that only fat people seem to 'shhhh!' you.

2004-07-06T22:47:00.000+08:00

would you be happier now?

Monday

2.40am : Watched the finals of Euro2004 between Greece and Portugal. Fairytale stuff but the tv ended up watching me around the end.

10.00am: Head off for my 4 hour journey to Uniten.

2pm : Register for my apartment. Well at least I tried to. Ended up getting an ear-lashing from Mr Registrar because was supposed to supposedly register during Saturday or Sunday. Had to make up some dumb excuse 'bout just getting back from a vacation with the family. Zoned out after awhile and just kept nodding my head while doing my remorseful face.

6pm : Played football with the guys.

8pm : Had dinner with housemates and remembered that I had conveniently forgot to go to all my classes today.

12.30am : Went to play futsal with Caleb and the IT guys at Balakong. Feel like puking now. Penat!!

3am : Finally got back to Uniten, bathed, had to wait for my hair to dry and slept.

9am : Classes go on and on and on...

2004-07-04T13:24:00.000+08:00

late at night i wanna watch you sleeping

A pseudo-poetic haiku from me:

troubled nights,

no resting place,

for my thoughts.

2004-07-03T15:41:00.000+08:00

open all the doors and let me out into the world

Things I always seem to forget on my way to KL:

- My toothbrush and toothpaste.

- Hair conditioner. Can't live without this cos my hair is an absolute mess now.

- The chocolate bars that were supposed to keep me awake during the drive. Thus, I end up stopping at a Petronas and buying 'em all over again.

- To sleep well. I've never managed a good night's sleep the night before and I always end up drowsy the next morning on the drive back. Anxiety attack?

- My bantal busuk. Was once almost at the airport before I remembered that I forgot to bring it. Did a panicky u-turn before putting the pedal to the metal to head back home.

A new sem is starting this Monday. A new beginning? Not really. More like a continuation. Old friends to see again. New friends to meet. Some memories to rehash. Some new experiences to make. So yeah, I am looking forward to starting a new semester. It's great to be amongst friends again. To share a lot of laughs, exchange a few wacky ideas, to get all emo over some dumb lil thing. And hopefully to see a certain someone cos I wanna clear up a lil matter of the heart that seems to drive me up the wall on certain days when I think about it.

It always takes awhile for me to fit in. I envy people who can just jump right into any situation and make themselves and the people around them comfortable. For me it's always been a wary and very slow and steady approach. It's not that I'm untrusting or anti-social or anything ( I hope not). I think it's the fact that I need a lil bit of time to get in-sync and gel with other people and even more so in the opposite way. I am not the easiset of people to vibe with. More so with the many insecurities and self-doubts that I harbour deep within me. I'm still uncertain of who I am. Of the type of person I am. In certain situations thoughts seem to swirl inside my head. The bad, the wanting to be good, the maybe's. But I am certain that I want to be a better me. I guess I am lucky that where I am now I've found some really good friends ( though at times they probably don't know it ). These are the people that just allow me to be who I am and will still be around the next day to accept whoever I may be then. Though they probably grumble about it behind my back ( Again, I hope not ). So looking forward to seeing all of you. Again...

2004-06-29T15:00:00.000+08:00

sick cycle carousel

My dad asked me to go to the bank to do a bank draft of some sort. So off I go out into the big bad world. Had to park pretty far away from BCB HQ. Funny how it is everytime when you're actually out of the car that suddenly all these empty parking spaces appear like magic. It feels freakily like I'm on a sadistic version of The Truman Show.

Head to the counter, and the lady there tells me since I'm using a check, I have to add the service charge to the amount on the check (huh?). Basically she said I had to ask my dad to write another check with the correct amount. Back home again and leave the check on the table. Dad comes back and immediately inquires with agitation why I haven't gone to the bank yet. My explanation doesn't seem to satisfy him. Have an argument over this dumb crap. I go, "Those 'em bank regulations" and he goes back, "I never had this problem. Suruh awak pegi je jadi cam ni bla bla.." (proceeds to zone out). So I hear dear Dad picking up the phone and calling some hot-shot manager at the bank and going, "Why can't I process my bank draft bla bla."

After a few minutes, he comes back and gives me a check with the correct amount. No "Sorry for having a hissy fit" or "You're right, those are the new bank regulations." Instead, just a "Go to the bank again." Don't people realize their actions have an effect on immediate others? A cause and effect. 1)Dad gets pissed and proceeds to shoot the bearer of bad news. 2)Innocent messenger (me) gets pissed 'cos I was wronged 3)I'll be in bad mood and proceed to probably piss off other people who are in direct contact with me. A ripple effect, see?

So head off to freakin' bank again. I actually find a parking space right in front of the Mount Kinabalu-like stairs to the main entrance. Go to the counter again and confidently hand over my check and documents. The lady behind there takes a look and says, "Awak salah isi nama ni. Kena addresskan check ni kepada BCB Sdn. Bhd. Kena tulis check baru."

Another check?!

I plead. I tell her that the lady before her never told me anything 'bout this. She says something akin to, "Sorry, those 'em regulations." I get bug-eyed and sense steam shooting outta my ears.In my head I can see myself smashing through the glass partition and strangling her while screaming, "Is my check good enough for you now, biatch?!" I think of giving her my 'do-you-know-who-I-am?!' rant till I realize I actually am a nobody. So instead, I glare at her, turn on my heels and await another round of madness.

2004-06-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

make me a superstar

Been watchin' Malaysian Idol for the past few weeks. It's been pretty entertaining so far as it's still in it's early stages where they try to separate the talented few from the William Hung-ish herd.

But I fear the producers have gone a lil bit overboard in their quest to maintain our interest. The main form of entertainment seems to be almost focussing exclusively on the extremely bad try-outs. Yes, I admit I too, laugh at them rather than laugh with them. Case in point being the pudgy Christina Aguilera wannabe ah lian, the nasal macha doing his best Wacko Jacko impression and the Malay dude with the weird hand gestures. But at the end of the show I tend to feel bad about this.

Yes, the amount of people who don't realize that they actually sound like Adam Sandler on helium is astounding. And the fact that they can just keep on singing without embarassment is a constant source of amazement for me (you da man, persatuan bulan sabit merah dangdut guy!). But I do admire their chutzpah, their galling sense of self belief, and bravado.

What I'm getting to is the fact that I think Roslan Aziz and Paul Moss ("God is fair. He made you beautiful but didn't give you a voice." Oh, c'mon..) are overdoing the whole 'Simon Cowell' thing. Do they really need to crush the hopes of these aspiring superstars so harshly? You can see the try-outs putting all they've got on the line. Tears of despair flow when they're rejected and this sight just breaks my heart. Not much to laugh at seeing someone's dream being stamped out savagely. Especially the girl who came to auditions cos she wanted to be a singer so she could help out her poor family. It seems pretty easy to differentiate between the wacko syok sendiri ones and the rather less talented ones but who gave their best effort. Maybe the judges should go a bit more easy on the latter. Give Malaysian Idol a more warm fuzzy feel rather than a mean 'ha-ha! what a dumb-ass!' vibe to it.

But other than that, I gotta admit that Malaysia memang Boleh! For every William Hung that the US produces, it seems we're quite more than able to produce our own. Several even. And I would pay serious cash to see William. Hung. Geddit? Nevermind..
Oh yeah. Dammit, Marion of 8tv fame should've been the host instead of the Sharifah Aleya girl. *swoons at the thought of Marion*

2004-06-25T14:22:00.000+08:00

i'm alright, i'm alright... it only hurts when i breathe

I've tried not to say anything about the ongoing Euro2004. But this is it. My current state of despair, rage and utter disbelief will not allow me to withold this torrent of words that are screaming to be let out any longer.

England fuckin' lost?? Not did we just lose, but we capitulated in spectacular heart-wrenching fashion. Again. My adopted football nation got cruelly kicked out in the quarterfinals of Euro2004 by the pissy-pants host nation Portugal. On freakin' penalties. Again. Oh, the agony.

How could you play with my emotions like this? Letting the lil midget score so early. Then having Portugal practically swamp a resiliant England defence. Didn't England learn? Never score an early goal (3rd minute, Michael Owen?!). It just puts you under pressure during the whole game. Just ask the infighting Dutch team or sad Germans. And then minutes later, the player of the tournament, 18 year old teenage tyro Wayne Rooney breaks a bone in his foot and is injured (Is Wayne Rooney the first player in history to concede a free-kick when an opponent stands on his foot and breaks it?). I knew we were just gonna sit back and try to hold out then. A magnificent rearguard performance that would've done the Italian catenaccio proud managed to stem the Iberian tide for 80 minutes. Only 7 minutes left, and I was desperately trying not to run to the bathroom and resisting the urge to gnaw my fingernails off. Those 80 soul-draining minutes were even worse than watching a horror movie ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Peeking out through my fingers everytime a Portugese player cracked a shot at the English goal. I fear my blood pressure will never go down again.

But inevitably late in the game(83rd minute!), Postiga of all people scores?! (eyes bulging and fists pounding the floor in absolute rage at this moment). This is the guy we(Spurs!) bought for 8 freakin' million pounds and thought was the biggest young bad-ass striker in Europe, but who turned into a laughable flop by scoring just 2 goals throughout the whole season. The guy ended up playing with the Reserve Team for cryin' out loud! And what does he do when coming on for flippin' Luis 'The Diver' Figo? He fuckin' scores with his first touch of the game! Argh! Now you show that you can play. Then during the penalty shootout, Postiga arrogantly dinks the ball past idiot David James! (Deco a.k.a Dean Cain look-a-like was laughing in glee at England!) Where was all this confidence and skill when Spurs needed you?! I hope you're gonna love being hated by a nation next season. Freakin' flippin' Helder Postiga!! I even wore your #8 for the Uniten Cup. How could you betray me like this?? Arggghhhh!!!

Then in extra time, Donkey Phil Neville trips over himself and gives Rui Costa the space to let fly a screamer(!) that rockets into the roof of the net. That was it I thought. We were dead and buried. It felt like getting kicked in the gut by a girl. Then having her kick me again in the nuts and taunt me while I am feebly sprawled on the ground. But lo and behold, Lampard conjures up an equalizer with a beautiful shot on the turn! 2-2 now!! My two arms shoot up in delight and my emotions skyrocket again. Could this be it? Would Lady Luck finally smile down on me and my shredded nerves during the penalty shoot-out? The fact that I had to try hold it in and finally sprint to the bathroom so not to miss anything has to count right? That's considered a huge sacrifice in certain Nordic countries. And the possible risk of serious injury to my bladder has to be considered martyr-like, no?

But it was not to be.

Beckhaaaaaammm!!! Is there another over-hyped, over-rated, average, whiney-voiced, pasty-faced footballer out there?! You're supposed to supply crosses with your supposed legendary right foot. But noooo... All the guy does is wander around and play short passes and make it seem like he's running all over the pitch. That's not what you're there for, you asshole. That's what headless chickens are for! Leading by example my ass. So what happens during penalties? Beckham being the first penalty-taker skies another one over the bar. The ball is supposed to go under the bar and not into Row Z of the fans, you fool. Then you have the audacity to look at the turf as if it were the pitch's fault. You just cost us another tournament, you philandering wuss!

AAAAAARRGHHHHH!!!

How..? Why..? What have I done in my life to deserve this? I know I've done some bad things in my life. Well, alot of bad things. But I've tried to be good these past few months in preparation for this moment of destiny. I even restrained myself from dishing out disparaging and caustic comments to unknown people. I smile at lil kiddies. I haven't gone out with girls I barely know (well there was that one time..). But anyhow, I even say 'thank you' to the PLUS toll gate people! So why is the karma boomerang still coming back to hit me?? And now I have to wait another 2 years for the World Cup. NOOOO..!!!

But I salute you Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Sol Campbell. And though I never thought I'd say this.. you had a great tournament, Gary Neville, you Man Yoyo wanker. Best right-back of the lot. All of you guys deserved better than this.

The quiet rational side of me knows that it was a great game and neither team deserved to lose. But for the fanatic in me, suddenly the world seems so dark, the grass less green, and I'm left clutching my heart. Everytime this happens, my soul is somehow diminished. And I have this uncontrollable urge to get me those spankin' new white F50 adidas football boots. When in utter mind numbing, heart breaking despair- splurge.

2004-06-23T21:19:00.000+08:00

my words touch the kids like Jacko

Being home means I have alot of time for myself. Too much. Plus now I'm really regretting not becoming a fascilitator for orientation week in Uniten. All those innocent and weak freshmen minds that I could've corrupted (Burn, I know you're rubbing your dirty lil hands in glee at the thought of all those freshie girls phone numbers you'll try to get). And other reasons too. An opportunity blown.

We have no Astro here (*gasp!*). Yes, I know I know. How do I survive. I barely do. Plus there's no 8tv either. So I'm taking this 2 week break as an oppurtunity to read anything I can get my grubby hands onto. Kinda like a forced march to death. But I actually do enjoy reading. It's just that the material at home is shall we say.. a bit too feminine.

Why is it in every single magazine that is directed towards women readers (Cleo, Marie Claire etc) feature a quiz in 'em? There's always a quiz on 'Is Your Best Friend Trying to Seduce Your Boyfriend?' (oh, no.. the horror!), or 'Are You A Clingy Girlfriend?' or my personal fave 'Am I A Freak in Bed?' (jeng jeng jeng..). You don't see magazines such as FHM or Men's Health, etc feature quizzes in 'em. Not once have I seen something like 'Am I The Perfect Boyfriend?' or 'Is She Faking It?' quiz.
Plus the fact that which answer you choose has a pattern and clearly indicates the outcome. I mean, if you choose A) Yes, I like to use whips and paddles for Question1 and then A) He should be down there looking up for Question2, it's pretty easy to predict the result. So why do women continuously religiously answer these quizzes? Is it that women need a 15 question multiple choice quiz to know themselves? Or is it to validate themselves? What if the outcome is different than you thought? ("Eeee..! I'm clingy and have secret lesbo desires??"). Someone please enlighten me.
Cos us guys don't really need to tick off A, B, C or D to define ourselves. We do that just fine by reasoning and listening to our own thoughts. Well, at least that's what the quiz said ;)

2004-06-21T20:48:00.000+08:00

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Home. This is only my 4th day back in Kuantan and I'm already utterly bored outta my mind. It's a good thing there are quite a few novels lying around and a couple of vcds that I haven't watched yet. So basically I need to ration these forms of entertainment and try to make 'em last for 2 weeks. If I happen to finish them all before it's time to head back to Uniten, then I'm in serious trouble. Why? Well imagine living in a home with parents and 3 younger sisters. So let's see what I'd have to read if I'm finished with my stuff. Hmm.. we got Dad's Business Weekly, Mom's Malay romance novels ("sexy gitu.." Babe, you're a bad influence on me), Doraemon and Penyiasat Remaja comics, Sweet Valley books, bawdy English romance novels, Gossip Girl (trying to be Sex And The City for teenagers. tsk tsk), and the oh-so-enlightening Cleo and Hai. I've already learned that batik's are an in thing now and Jimmy Choo doesn't have anything in common with John Woo.

I just finished this book by James Patterson. 'Violets Are Blue'. Found it lying around. I remember his previous books. Such as 'Kiss the Girls' and 'Cat and Mouse'. His books used to be entertaining. Now they just suck. What I interpreted as fast-paced then, now seems irritating. He writes in short sentences. And short chapters. Like this.
Plus his characters are so 2-dimensional. What a bore. Red herrings are thrown about. There is no wit. Or even self-mockery. And endings seem contrived and too pat. Starting on Richard North Patterson now and Salman Rushdie next.
Phew. Just had to let that out. And so lacking in inspiration. But at least the food's good.

This is completely unrelated but if you wanna see the Goth Chick of the Week, then go here. I know you want to.

2004-06-20T13:44:00.000+08:00

i don't say it as often as i should

Now I remember why I hate driving home. Slow trucks, crazy Kancil's, sheer mind-numbing boredom and a bad back. Spent most of the 4 hour drive listening to my own weird vapid thoughts and daydreaming with only Toni Braxton to keep me company. The only saving grace is that I forgot how much fun it is to drive downhill on the winding Karak Highway at 150km/h while trying to tailgate a Beemer. Now I'm just praying that those pesky Polis Trafik speedtraps weren't functioning that day.
"Hi, my name is Hidzad. And I've been speedtrap free for a year now." *polite claps all around*

On reaching home, the first words I hear are..
Dad: "Exams dah abis? Kereta ok tak?" (Hello to you too. I'm fine, thanks ;p )
Mom: "Whaaa.. Cantik rambut sekarang." (Mom still has blonde/brown highlights)
Eldest sister: "Bila Abanglong balik?" (Said with a bored face)
Middle sister: Stoic silence.
Youngest sister: - (The pest happened to be in KL for a school field trip and on return gave me a Rubic's Cube which I've already given up on).

Mom gave me the sad news that Embah (my grandma) had just passed away that morning. Al-Fatihah.
The first memory that pops to mind when I think of Embah is during Hari Raya's when I was a kid. Me and all the cousins used to sleep over at Embah's big green creaking wooden house on stilts. It was all fun then (running around, firecrackers, and that fight with the Chinese guys on the bridge). As everyone got older, none of us spent much time there anymore. It was just the occasional short visits. Inevitable? Not really. Just think we didn't make much of an effort anymore. As the years passed on, the house seemed to get emptier. My fave piece in the house was this huge rocking chair (it seemed huge to me). Everytime I sat in it, it felt like i was being engulfed and it felt like tipping over when I rocked in it. Then it just disappeared a few years ago. I never ask what happened to it. Though I've always wondered..

2004-06-18T11:01:00.000+08:00

"my heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel. touching youuuuuu.. touching meeeee..." -The Darkness

Final exams are over. I know I should say something like I'm glad that finally the pressure is off and I can cease those endless nights of studying. But to tell you the truth, the Academic CGPA Monster barely let out a growl to scare me and the only up-til-dawn sessions I endured were while chatting or goin' out. Finals were just one big peaceful blur. I'm not saying they were easy-peasy (they weren't). Just that I had a certain feeling of apathy towards 'em. No wonder people always go, "You're on a scholarship? Can you even spell skolersheep?" Err..

The things I've found out this sem:
1. Falling dead asleep when dawn breaks causes me the sniffles when I wake up. My
hingus is really cair. And of a rather pleasant shade of green.
2. A smile and a few words can go a long way.
3. The only postion I can play well is as a central striker. Unless they need a linesman. And I gotta improve my footwork. Oh, and another team seems to be interested in asking me to play for 'em (ooh yeah!). Yeah, no-one knows what in the world I'm talkin' about.
4. Chatting for hours on end causes me to sleep with my arms raised above my head. Achey shoulders, see? I keep getting this funny feeling that one day I'm gonna end up walking like that too. "Hey Hidzad. You tryin' to do the YMCA dance?" I don't dance. Hah!
5. People who I don't know in Uniten actually know who I am [me = conceited!]:)
6. Great friends make for a great sem. Shout out to Anwar, Aiman, Burn, football guys, etc. You guys know who you are. You're all the best-est. Good trips to MidV, no? (Earl Grey tea, Kuali Kitchen and Chili's, and the jam from Hell).
7. A reputation is hard to shake off. Especially at that exact moment when you don't want it. "Babe, I hope you trust me soon. " =)
8. Bruises on the shin take a really long time to heal. Flippin' Hell. It's still purple. And Buffalo Boy is continuing his glorious conquest for more shin-victims with abandon and glee. Somebody should shove the idiot onto the middle of the road right in front of an incoming tractor. *squishhhh..* Penyek macam pancakes.
9. Having someone point out your faults is actually a good thing. After you get over the bruised ego, of course.
10. I am who I am. But I'm also willing to learn and try to grow as a person.
11. Riding in an elevator in total darkness up 9 floors isn' all that scary. Really..
12. Kicking the neighbours wastebasket all the way down the corridor as hard as I can is very cathartic and therapeutic. I do it very often now.
*swings foot* "Eeeee..!" *ka-pow!* *wastebasket goes flying*
Then you gotta run like Hell before the nice neighbours decide to storm out and re-arrange your face.

2004-06-15T05:39:00.000+08:00

there's something 'bout the way you look tonight

*sniff* *cough*
My very good friend this sem the 'flu is back.And she seems to have really missed me cos she's hitting me with all she's got.

There is something inherently eyes-widening, body-tingling, pulse-racing, cat-got-your-tongue feeling when going out with someone you are so attracted to.
"Guhhhhh...", being the first word that pops to mind when you see her. You gaze but try not to stare. Memorizing her features with constant glances for future reference during those ceiling-gazing sessions. Remembering the Aaliyah-like way her hair falls over her left eye, her heart-melting pout when she merajuks, those perfect eyes crinkling up when she smiles. Those sweet lips. That amazing rush of blood to the head when she laughs at something you say. Her acting all tough when there's a huge softie sweetheart inside. The smooth skin of her hand that you want to hold but don't dare. How she vibes and sings along to a song (Christina Aguilera?? "Babe.. hujan nanti" ;p). Speaking Malay in her own adorable way. Talking. Teasing. Laughing and arguing incessantly (even 'bout The Darkness and how girls throw).
It makes you wish the ride back somehow gets trapped inside a wormhole from space so it lasts just that lil bit longer. Wanting to turn around and see her again the second you step outta her car. Feeling kinda like a sappy dork for thinking this way.

What is this feeling?

~~I think I'm falling for..~~ The 'flu must be really messing with my head. I need an expert medical opinion. I need to sleep.

* gambar hiasan semata-mata*

2004-06-12T21:26:00.000+08:00

i want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing

E-Comm final exam is this Monday. I should be studying but distractions are abound. Beautiful and otherwise. Plus, Euro2004 has started. Must prepare for those sleepless nights to watch artistry and magic displayed on the pitch.

I have a confession to make. I actually like going to the exam hall. Yes, I can hear the incredulous outcries of "You stoned again, Hidzad?" and "I didn't know you ever went to school". But, please. Patience, boys and girls. Hear me out. It's not that I like the process of sitting down and diligently writing out answers with aplomb and confidence. Because that's never happened. I hear from the smart-exalted-chosen ones that it's quite a feeling. A serious high. Kinda like that perfect beautiful soft kiss. Uhm.. Not that I've ever experienced a perfect kiss. Or even kissing anyone either. Nope, not me. Nuh-uh (I hope someone's passing this on to the dear mom).
I just like the process from start to finish. That perfect ballet of movements which lead to an enlightened hour and a half (I've only stayed for the whole 3 hour duration of an exam twice I think). Starts with arriving at the hall and chatting with friends. Then seeing the kiasu girls sitting cross-legged and almost maniacally staring at their notes as if willing the info to transmit itself permanently into their high-strung selves. I always get the urge to come up to them and spout some intellectual sounding bullshit just to get them all panicky. The look of utter fear and horror of not knowing something on their faces would be priceless, I think.
Then suddenly there's a call to enter and the slow rush of people like a herd of mumbling cows ambling in begins("Eee.. Tak prepare lagi la"). So do I go in? No. Patience. The reason being is that there is the whole 'Sesiapa yang membawa telefon bimbit sila serahkan bla bla' speech to endure. So I wait. You gotta time your entrance to perfection. Just as Boring Lecturer is finishing his much anticipated speech (in his own mind) you gotta stride in and plonk yourself at your seat. If you go in early and endure the whole seemingly endless process before starting an exam, you'll lose all that nervous energy and tingling sensation. See? This way you can just settle in and get down to business. Time to rock and roll.
Once I've finished the tedious task of emptying the contents of my brain onto the answer sheet(doesn't take long if you know what I mean), Phase 2 begins. It's the period of eyeballing everyone around you. The perfect seat would be smack in the middle of the madding crowd. You'd be surprised at the little quirks and tiny events you're able to witness. Grunge Guy with mismatched socks tapping his feet while bobbing his head to some imaginary song. Jean Gray staring at her answer sheet without moving a muscle as if transplanting her answers down telepathically. The Usual Suspects Dude glancing around furtively just itching for the oppurtunity to copy the friend beside him (I feel like pointing and shouting "He's cheating! Ooo.. Cheater!!". Cute Chick biting her pen with eyebrows furrowed looking for inspiration (Look at me!). The invigilators walking around and irritatingly stopping and staring over your shoulder. Then you gotta do your 'I'm concentrating and thinking of a brilliant answer' look complete with pen poised as if to unleash a torrent of astounding equations or enlightened answers. And they always ask for my Tic-Tacs dammit. Plus there's the staring at the celing thing. I'm not sure if anyone in Uniten has noticed, but it's quite a sight with all spotlights and silvery stuff up there. Kinda like looking at your very own constellation of stars and moons. To do this you gotta really slouch and lean your head back. People have asked what the Hell I was doing and I just say that it's a Zen-Pilates position to help clear the mind of dangerous toxins. Shuts them up everytime. Or they just give you that 'I knew he was a jackass' look.
Once I've entertained myself enough, it's time to go. You gotta wait for the right moment for the invigilator to catch your eye before you raise your hand indicationg that you wanna leave. You can't just go around waving your hand for endless minutes like some boyband groupie. That would be just embarassing. With a rush of papers and pens collected, you begin your long walk outta the hall. People obviously look up. You just gotta try to hide the 'I'm stupid and couldn't answer anything' bewildered face and hope people misinterpret it as the 'Exam was easy, hah!' look. If you pass friends, a nice smile and shoulder tap will suffice. Anything more and the invigilators might give you the evil eye. I've always wondered what would happen if I dropped a scrap of empty paper on someone's table on my way out. Would an invigilator scream "Freeze, fool!!" and attempt to tackle me? Something worth further consideration.
If an exam is especially tough, you know that you're gonna have company outside. The usual "Camne exam?" questions and all. But it really bugs me when people get all hyper and start comparing their answers. "Jawapan you lain?? Camne ni?? Eeee..". Hel-lo. Exam's over. Ain't nothing you can do. Just let it go. Get over it.
Thus, another one bites the dust and you walk out into the sunshine. Wonderful.

So wish me luck as I prepare to go do battle for God, country, my academic excellence and the hot gorgeous...

2004-06-09T14:40:00.000+08:00

would you like some cheese with that whine, sir?

Oww. My shin has a bruise the size of Brazil and the colour of beets and throbs like a baby Alien is gonna pop out at any moment. Buffalo Boy gave me a good whackin' swipe from behind when I dribbled past him. He now has a record of maiming a person a day for 5 consecutive days. Guess today was my turn. Congratulations. Your momma would be so proud of you, asshole. Now even stepping on the gas pedal hurts and I walk like a lame duck. Everyone must've taken their vitamins yesterday cos I got a knock on the knee too. But I don't care. Playin' again today. Plus the h-o-t(!) rugby chicks are gonna be there ;) I never knew touch rugby could be so tempting. Makes me just wanna reach out and touch someone.
Oh, and the Newcastle guys have offered me and Caleb places on their team to play as strikers during the next Uniten Cup. They got to the quarterfinals (where they were knocked out by eventual finalist, Kashima) last sem, while our team never made it past the group stages. I don't know bout Caleb, but I'm leaning towards joining 'em and trying to go all the way the next time. Glory beckons. And I'm sick of someone being all incredulous and goin, "You.. play football? You??" Shove off, kay.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. How bout four? :

1) The victim (my shin!) in the immediate aftermath of the incident ("Medic...!!").
2) Pornography is not always nudity.
3) 80+ students in the UK set a record for most people riding on a rollercoaster
naked. Fun bunch of undergrads they have over there. They seem like my kinda people.
For more pics of my ugly mug and my charming friends, please go here.

Came out from my World Civ midterm alive yesterday. Then finally did my World Civ presentation. Wasn't too great to tell you the truth. Had to rush cos there wasn't enough time and we suffered a long technical glitch before finishing. But at least it's over. Now have my E-Comm presentation and finals comin' up. I'm finally feeling like a student this sem.

Ex-girlfriend called. She seemed nice and we were conversing like normal people. Then after her chit-chat routine she let out that a ride to KL Sentral was needed. Some things never do change.

I've just had the disturbing realization that I'm almost exactly alike to my youngest sister who's 10 years old. We both have trouble taking no for an answer and we both act like prats. No wonder we actually get along just fine. But fortunately for her, she has the excuse of being a kid. What's my excuse? Been having silly and stupid arguments with someone I actually find really interesting and distractingly alluring. Forgive. I hate arguing and bickering. This is probably cos I always feel so guilty afterwards. The fact that me being a pest is probably at fault further compounds the matter. I really should just learn to shut up or at least try to synchronize my brain with my big stupid mouth. Who knew that trying to be sensible and mature would take so much effort and restraint.
And Tash's words in her blog captured alot of what I feel. Especially the part where history has a way of repeating itself. You try so hard to change but things from before have a way of catching up with you. Lapses continue to happen. Grow up, Hidzad. Grow up.
"I don't wanna slide into apathy and I don't wanna die in captivity but these monsters spin me around."

2004-06-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

"what i am is who you want to be: vol. I" -hidzad feat. burnz & 'nwar

Quick update: Sam brought back a portbable chainsaw. I swear I think he's gonna re-enact the Texas Chainsaw Massacre on us, his housemates, as his potential victims. Anwar bought a new Gundam. While Aiman is still the most gentlemanly of us all. And Jeremy has his own blog now. Lotsa inspirational stuff there. Unlike mine, which seems to be filled with.. uhm.. crap, really. As you will/shall (?) soon witness.

I could feel the impending sense of boredom emanating from all around. So rounded up the cavalry, Anwar("Haa? Ooo! Jomla balik..") and Firdaus("I have a life okay!"), and headed off for an imromptu dash to Bangsar for dinner.
Ended up hanging out eating and having an intellectual discourse (oooo...) by the tables outside Burger King for a couple of hours. Saw a girl with bright pink(!) hair cut in a short bob walking by in a schoolgirl miniskirt and knee-length black see-through stockings. Ooo.. Fetish! Fetish! And I showed Firdaus where La Bodega is located so he can finally get his Spanish Roti Telur sooner or later.

I'm still feeling the residue of the weird funk I was in a few days ago. Thus, I have decided to rant! The human race should really start learning to care about other people than themselves. We can't always assume that we, ourselves, are the numero uno priority. Nope. We gotta show care about others. Sharing is caring. So I am actively encouraging you all to think about another person besides yourselves. Namely, me. Think about me. Besides encouraging all of you to prioritize me, I'm also gonna highlight the injustices that have been done against the human population. Or at least the perceived wrongs that have been done to me. Which is infinitely more important than the rest of humanity (me, I mean).

Few things in the world spread as much misery as a giggling, smiling, goo-eyed pair of newly minted lovebirds. Yes, you know who I'm talking about. The couple that seems to be a single entity (e.g. Abulovesfaridah), co-joined at the hips, or at least palm-to-butts. What is it about a smarmy happy couple that provokes reaction of despair and rage ("Aku sepak dua ekor tu jatuh escalator kang..") in its unintentional victims? We could spend a few days on this, but for convenience's and my own mental sake (which is somewhat imbalanced right now), here's a shortlist of the irksome offenses:

1. Cute nicknames:
"I love you, Cuteybuns." Listening to this is like having to endure 30 straight episodes of The Teletubbies. Even worse is if the sadistic nicknames are added onto baby talk. "Ooh, are we a wittle upset, Snookums-Wums?" This, if nothing else, confirms that newfound love causes your IQ to drop by at least 50 points.

2. Public displays of affection:
The merry lil couple that decides to create their own live soft porn flick right in front of an as huge of an audience as they can possibly manage. E.g. would be lips smooching, ear-licking, back pocket pulling, terminal eye-staring at a shopping mall, Burger King, elevators, and etc. The only consolation is that the only reason these ga-ga-over-each-other folks indulge in such a blatant display of PDA is that they're insecure about themselves and each other. Get a room, guys.
Hah! Take that!

3. Utter condescension:
They do the "Gee, Hidzad, how can you stand being single?" routine over and over and over again while giggling (I like the single life, okay?!). Plus they show off their cute phone messages to you. And you'd rather be watching those 30 straight episodes of Teletubbies (This means you, Anwar!), than have to read em. Then they try to set you up with their most unattractive friend and seem to be offended and close to tears when you refuse to take 'em up on their goodwill offer. "But she has a nice personality.." If I had a cat, then she'd have a great personality too.
All this, I'm sure is a sign that they want a Mafia contract hit put on their lil happy ditzy heads and a clear incitement to commit an act of violent double homicide on the deliriously happy couple. CSI and the cops should be knocking on my door soon. Please pray for my quick release.

Another massive peeve that I harbour: People who keep stringing you along with their words. The ones that go "Hidzad, let's go watch Day After Tomorrow this week," (I don't like to name names. You know who you are.. *Hazry! ('I like schoolgirls')*, *Faqroul! ("Geez..")* heheheh.. and conveniently forget about you (and Anwar) when the day comes despite the fact that they've been bugging you about it for a week. Grrrr. Or when someone says, "Yeah next week is good for me." Even worse is when that certain someone adds another, "Sorry la I forgot bout this week. Next week, kay?". And even adds another week after that. And then they nonchalantly proceed to diss you. Again. If you dont want to, then just say "N-O, no." Katakan taknak. I may not take rejection well, but I will accept it. Eventually. Maybe after a session of being emo and unstable, perhaps. So none of this dragging things along crap, please. I prefer a quick and honourable death rather than prolonged bouts of torture. Patience is definitely not a favourite virtue of mine.
Yes, I've pointed this out in a light-hearted way, but I really do get disappointed and disheartened when I feel that I've gotten ditched cos this is my number 1 pet peeve in life. Sometimes you just gotta let it burn.

And finally: Not having a field to play football on. The fields at Uniten keep being overrun by outsiders who decide to book it for their own selfish and needless pursposes. The football fields should be for ~~ME!~~ students. Instead, old pot-bellied farts who are way past it are using it to show off their non-existent footballing skills to imaginary fawning fans. When somehow all 3 fields are unavailable, the roads in Uniten become a random merry-go-round of students in cars and motorcycles driving around and looking for a field to play on. "Eh, tadi baru lalu kereta mamat tu.. Lalu lagi.." And goin' round and round Uniten eyeballing for an empty patch of grass plays havoc and Hell on my fuel consumption! Dammit I wasted half a quart that day!!
Open memo to Uniten: Instead of planting all those lame-ass flowers and shrubs and building the barren driving range, go bulid more fields!!

Oh. I also hate the fact that Tom Cruise was The Last Samurai. The Last Samurai should've been Bob, his faithful, silent and heroic bodyguard. "Why do you look so pissed, Bob? I know why you're pissed. Cos you have to wear a dress all day long." -the enigmatic Mr Cruise.

Well that's it. For now. *simmering*

And just so you don't think I'm a complete whiner (I'm not! Really..), let's move on. Firdaus keeps irritatingly saying that love is all around. *ptui*. I don't think sooo... Perhaps 'like' and 'entertainment' are all around. My current weirdo-stalker fetish entertainment currently is watching a girl put up her hair. *theme of Psycho plays. "Eeeek!!"*. It's the deft fingers caressing her hair into place, the sudden exposed curve neck, the slight tilt of her head, and finally, the clip going into place. The end result doesn't really matter, cos it's all about the process. The end does not always justify the means. And combine this with a cheongsam (!) and you've got a sure-fire recipe for the spontaneous combustion of Hidzad.

So take care, folks. Be good. *eyes twitching violently*.
I'm off back to the dark lil corner with my flashlight and textbooks.

Added at 11am:
Oh. My. God. Tottenham Hotspur Football Club have appointed Jacques Santini (current France national team manager!) as our new coach!! Yessssss!! Next season we will kick you (Arse, ManYoyo, para sampah team lain) to the curb and rub dirt in your eyes! Glory is beckoning for us, long-suffering fans of THFC. "The weather is fine, the sky is blue, the world is well, so the football is great."
p.s. Muchos gracias to Firdaus for the digicam. Me and the gang have been going crazy over it. Don't expect it back anytime soon. *wink*
*Find the hidden message*

2004-06-01T11:31:00.000+08:00

It Could Only Happen Here

Skipped World Civ after an hour of class. Couldn't stand sitting there for another hour. Plus the fact that Mr Muhidin was going around asking all sorts of questions bout the Islamic civilization. And all I could think of was, 'Tak makan babi' and 'Polygamy'. Then someone actually did say, "Muslims don't eat pork", and the whole classed laughed their asses off (well, maybe except me). Bright group of undergrads we have here, dontcha think? So we dashed. Scooted off and had breakfast with Jeremy, Tim and Nicky. (Roti telur bawang and roti jala *burp!*). Was browsing through the paper and came across this section called 'Speaking Up'. Some people were responding to a comment that a Malaysian politician gave. I seriously didn't know whether to laugh or feel offended or pity the guy's utter stupidity. The Kota Kinabalu Umno pro tem chief Roselan Juhar made this comment on rape victims, "If you can't fight rape, better lie down and enjoy it".

Whaaaaat....?!

Yes, I admit that I'm at times a bit of a chauvinist, sexist, and all the other ist's, but even I know that sort of comment is just WRONG. I really can't imagine what must have been going through his freakin idiotic brain at that moment. You gotta wonder what his wife and kids think of him now. I can just imagine his daughter asking him, "Pa, are you a freakin brain-dead moron?".
As Asha Gill so clearly pointed out, rape isn't about sex. Rape is a form of violation that serves to assure mentally-sick individuals that they are in power, even if their desperate need to feel dominant scars another fellow human being for life.
And the thing is, Mr Superstar Idiot Politician's comment barely made it into the mainstream press. You gotta admit that in most other countries there would be a massive public outcry and calls for his resignation. Here? Barely a mention in the press. It could only happen in Malaysia, folks.

And I'm thankful that I'm in a university now. Getting a spot in your course of choice is getting just way too hard. There are 128 students who have GPA of 4.0(!) who can't take up medicine. Competition is intense and these brilliant student are instead getting offered courses like aquaculture and forestry. As one rather pissed off father put it, "My daughter wanted to do medicine and now they have asked her to to go and look at a fish pond in Terengganu". You go, dad! Stick it to the Man.

2004-05-30T05:41:00.000+08:00

The Beautiful Sky Falls On Me

Disappointment is a sad part of life. Like the time you didnt get the course you wanted, letting down your parents miserably somehow, seeing your friends walk away without a glance back. It's always there. But what happens if you just get disappointed so many times (time and time and time again) that somehow you just decide to blow it off. Try not to feel the pain, sadness, rejection, or futility of the moment. Might sound like a good thing initially. Might even sound like the right course of action. But what if brushing it all off, doing your 'life-aint-got-shit-on-me' face, and saying "Fuck the world", just leads you down to a darker place? Cos not feeling those moments of disappointment leads you to not feeling your times of happiness. Causes you to eventually start treating those perfect happy instances in life as freak occurences. And not as something to cherish and hope for. Something that should never have happened. Accepted with a touch of paranoia and apprehension. So what happens? You eventually screw things up. Somehow events always tend to turn pear-shaped. But you try so hard to make it work, to make things right. To be a better person. Cos what is life if you dont aspire to be more than you are?
*sigh*. But somehow all these disappointments end up making you feel numb and hollow inside. Some thing is missing in you. You try to be happy. You are happy. But you just get the feeling you're not letting it all out. Not willing to risk your emotions and feelings. Not wanting to have high expectations. Cos youre expecting something bad to happen. Thinking that the ugly monster Disappointment is just round the corner waiting to rear it's huge head and gobble you up. Take your hopes and proceed to chew it up and gulp it down. So why raise your hopes if youre just gonna get smacked back down again, huh? Cos lotsa things are gonna disappoint you. The intriguing person who just wont give you the time of day, the dog that wont go fetch, the problems and arguments that you just cant seem to make right. People in general. Life is just one huge freakin disappointment waiting to happen.
In the end, you just try to keep your head up high, smile, and give out this image like the world is yours. And always, always try to keep that sense of depression and feeling of disappointment hidden deep, deep inside. But sometimes it manages to break free. And it shows in you. Then life just feels like it seems to be slowly unravelling and youre just trying to hold it all together. And you wait for the dawn to come. So tired.

The glass may not be half empty, but it sure is damn dirty.

2004-05-28T09:39:00.000+08:00

Be Kind To Your Prostitute On the 28th

Selamat hari jadi
Kalau tak bagi hadiah, siaplah nanti
Selamat hari jadi
Bontotmu akan temu saya punya kaki
Selamat hari jadi, hidzad

My first ever song composition. Brilliant, no?

Yesterday night I had to chose between 'Day After Tomorrow' (tak ajak siot, Hazry!) or food. So I chose Haji Samuri Satay at Putrajaya with Anwar and Firdaus. Went there, the seats were wet outside, sat there anyway cos Anwar wanted to smoke. The satay was was as heavy as Kopi Kapal Api. 'yummy'. A family was eating near us. They had this cute small kid in a baju melayu. Well, he was cute until he started walking around. The oh-so-brilliant parents let him wear a pair of shoes that make those high pitched squeaking sounds. squeak! squeak!. And the kid never stopped walking! squeak! squeak! I felt like grabbing the kid, holding him up by his feet, ripping off his shoes, and throwing 'em to Far Far Away Land! Then maybe I'd offer the kid a lollipop as a peace gesture. Maybe. If a girl is ever unlucky enough to marry me and have kids with me, I promise I'll never allow our kid to wear shoes that squeak, light up, or turn into go-karts. squeak! squeak! squeak!

Had this short conversation bout abstract art. I've never been a fan. A common reaction of mine would be, "My six year old cat could've done that". And the usual response by a fan would be to say the person (me!) lacks the mental ability and is afraid of change to appreciate abstract art. So me, being an uncultured barbarian, decided to do some research. If a piece of abstract art is to have significance for anyone other than the artist, it needs to have something that'll retain the viewer's attention, draw them in, keep them looking, and generate an emotional response. This here is a good basic site and even provides abstract paintings and the artist's comments on 'em.

And I love all my lecturers. I think they're all very knowledgable and have absolute dedication to educating their students.
Je suis tres craintif qu'ils ont lu que j'ai ecrit l'attaque les. (Go here for the traslation if you don't understand French.

Going Out With A Bang
Read this in the paper. Having an affair can be deadly. Literally. Scientists noted that out of 30,000 post mortemsin Germany, 60 died while having sex. 56 of these were men. And only one of four died in the arms of their spouse/ partner. Over half lived their last hour in the throes of passion with an illicit lover or in a brothel.
And the remainder passed away in the act of masturbation.
Brilliant. And people say the news is only full of doom and gloom. Bah!

Another rambling and non-sensical entry by votre heros brillant.
p.s. Anwar looks more and more like Shrek everyday. "That'll do, Donkey!"

2004-05-26T11:38:00.000+08:00

Mister-Hakim-isms

Here I am in lab.
So I'm taking this E-Comm class with a lecturer named Mr Hakim. He's a pretty young guy (late 20's) and is an Arsenal (The Arse) fan. He's a pretty nice guy... but let's just say that he makes me believe that I could make a very good IT lecturer. The thing is, he always seems to blurt out stuff which dont make much sense or does things that seem rather.. weird.

1. "Sorry I'm late class. I had a fight with my girlfriend just now. We're currently in a crisis situation."

2. "If you get to class on Friday morning and see that I'm not there, that means I've just had another fight with my girlfriend."

3. After 30mins in class. "Hidzad, I can see you're not concentrating. Is your 'Away' button on? Well, I cant concentrate either, so class is dismissed now." Yesss....!

4. "Start your exam now. You can use pen or pencil. Just dont use your blood." (??)

5. "Only one person has gotten an A for this class. Can you still drop this subject? No? Then welcome to my Hell." *Hidzad mumbles darkly*

6. After 20mins in class. "Okay those are the tips for your midterms. Hello, Anna. You just came in? See you tomorrow then. Bye." He proceeds to walk out.

7. Our section is the only class using the exam floor for midterms. Mr Hakim is watching over us. Once he's started the exams he promptly walks to the windows and gazes outside. He alternates that with standing behind a huge pillar that obstructs his view of us completely while looking at his watch. The 4 tudung-ed girls in front of me promptly start copying each other like mad.

8. I decide to go to my 11am class half an hour late cos it's mind-numbingly dull. So when i get there do you know what I spy with my lil eyes? A notice that says, "Class will start an hour late at 12pm because of unforseen circumstances". He beat me to the punch, dammit!

9. "Try to create your own computer virus. I've done it and it's fun. But I only damaged my own PC. You should try it while you're a student. You can't do it when you're married."

So that's why I'm in lab doing this entry. Waiting for the dumb class to start *sigh*.
But despite all this, I still think Mr Hakim is a really decent and easy-going guy. Kinda like just one of us. (Ewah, Hidzad.. bodek..)

2004-05-25T00:48:00.000+08:00

Can I Get A Woot Woot!

The E-Comm midterm was pretty ok. Went there grumpy, sick and with blood-shot eyes. Learned some English gramar rules from Annette in the afternoon. Finally know how to use 'practice' and 'practise'.

Went to MidV in the evening to catch ~~Puss In~~ Shrek 2 with Anwar, Faqroul, Aly and Hazry. The trip included good food, lotsa laughs, dessert, one cute but slightly bewildered waitress, Ceylon tea, and the flick.
Yup, Puss In Boots did steal the thunder from Shrek and Donkey a.k.a Sex-xay Steed. But for me, Pinocchio was the the real star of the show. Best scene for me? Definitely the MI:2-esque rescue of Shrek, Donkey, and Puss held in the dungeon by the 3 Blind Mice, Gingerbread Man, Pinocchio, the 3 Lil Pigs, and crossdresser Bad Wolf. Pinocchio owned the movie for me the moment Puss revealed his pink sequined thongs! I was like, "Whaaaat..?!". Gut-busting funny I tell you. Hazry was laughing so hard and wiggling around while punching my arm. All in all a great funny movie with lotsa cute spoofs and lil hilarious details. Like one of the blind mice lighting a match then not knowing where he was heading and instantly falling into the dungeon.

Yeah I know not much of this makes sense. I'm sleepy but I just took a shower and have to wait for my hair to dry. *urgh*.

2004-05-22T16:24:00.000+08:00

Only Fools Covet Lesbians

I'm supposed to be studyin right now. My E-Comm midterms is this Monday. But I'm still sick. *sniff*. Well, actually I'm using the 'flu as an excuse to take a short break. Well, maybe not exactly short. But hey- time is such a relative thing, no?

A while ago, yours truly and some friends went to this club in KL called Waikiki's. Yes, lame sounding and definitely not Nouvo-ish, but it wasn't my idea. While the beats were banging, my friend VJ, spied a rather famous celebrity( of theatre, and Lux fame) standing at the bar. VJ, who thinks he's irresistible (I think he's a bit of a wanker, but a good lookin' one, I admit), proceeded to give her his patented 1000 watt smile. And somehow the Greek gods smiled down on him as she gave a coquettish smile right back (??!). VJ was just about to make his move on the celebrity goddess when suddenly this HUGE Indian girl walks up and stops right next to Ms. Lovely Lass and directs a heart-shrivelling stare at all of us. And I swear this is true, Mutant X then bent down and layed a HUGE smacker on her lips!

Awww... damn... what ???!

I've actually wondered what it would be like to see girls kiss live and all, but this?? Her and the Incredible Hulk with ermm.. mammary glands?? Eeeeew.. *hidzad shakes his head ruefully*.

But somehow VJ is undeterred. He thinks lesbians just haven't met the right guy yet. It's that simple to him. I tell him he's got no chance but VJ's adamant. "I'll get into her pants yet, man."
You gotta admire his cojones.

But to avoid his and our embarassment and utter humiliation (and maybe a pounding from She-Hulk), I try to rationalize with him. "You're not gonna get her, man. No chance. And even if you did, you cant beat a girl doing a girl. They got access to all that complicated 'down below' equipment every hour of the day. They know where all the bits are and what to do with 'em. A girl's used to someone knowing what she's doing- not an idiot like you who probably thinks a clitoris a new type of superbike."

VJ seems to be more interested in watching his potential victim bob her head at the bar rather than listen to my desperate plea to avoid our impending humiliation. He's still convinced the sight of his non-hairy ass and dubiously proportioned genitals will be enough to melt the heart of any women. Lesbians included.

And Chan (another friend who was with us) is actually agreeing and urging VJ on and saying he'll help. Wonderful. Then the two (Dumb & Dumberest) head off to the bar for their moment of glory and immortality. Chan runs interference with Godzilla Gal, while VJ shows of a smile and proceeds to take the girl's hand and drag her to the dance floor. And oh shit (?!), they start dancing! And she actually seems to be enjoying his company! Will wonders never cease? Meanwhile, Hefty-Girl is trying to escape from Chan who seems to have her pinned to the bar despite the fact she probably outweighs him by a factor of two. Plus the bartender is lookin curiously at them as if they were a new species trying to mate. She finally breaks away from Chan and stomps to the dance floor, grabs her partner by the hand, while giving my friend a withering glare, and seems poised to lay the smackdown on VJ. Just as I'm covering my eyes and looking for the nearest exit, they both head off.

And it's all over, folks. ~~I'm~~ We're safe. VJ ambles backs to me with a stupid-ass grin plastered on his face and high-fives Chan. He drawls, "It was worth it, man. She said I was suave". I'm not even actually sure if he even comprehends what the word suave means, and to put our lives in risk like that.. It had better have been worth it.

Added at 2.30am
Just got back. Feel like puking. *cough* *wheeze*. Someone please smack me on the head if I ever feel like playing futsal when I'm sick and eat ice cream afterwards.

2004-05-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

Pretty When You're Faithful

Urgh. I feel a fever coming on.I just know it's comin' cos I can sense my eyes getting red, and my body starting to ache. Thus, I've decided to skip my lab session this afternoon. Plus the fact that I'm too lazy to do the assignment given last week. Really feel sick now :( The mp3 playing right now is Inflatable by Bush. At least it's a nice song to get sick to.

Played football yesterday as usual. It's a funny thing when you notice the groups of people playing together. The Chinese play the earliest, around 5.30pm (if they're not buried in their books or playing basketball) and they play with plenty of effort but a certain lack of grace and flair except for a very certain few. The Indian guys start playing at 6pm, and immediately think they're displaying themselves in front crowds of thousands in the Premiership (in their own heads la). Pretty good skills, lotsa solo runs yang tak tentu pasal, plenty of shouting ("Mark your man!", "Take the shot!"), lack of passing, and a balls-out style of bustling play. Like Ros said, "Main dengan diorang kena pakai shin pads depan belakang betis". The Malays only start ambling to the field after 6. With the guys I play with, there's good distribution of the ball, skills and flair. And most of the time it's a rather easy-going atmosphere. Plenty of laughter. It takes maybe some kinda rivalry or playing against really good friends to bring the best out of us.

Maybe this says something bout our society. The hardworking early-bird Chinese, the individualism and graft of Indians, and the talent but lepak la attitude of Malays. Yes, I know I'm generalizing here. But I'm too sick to think of it all the way through. Maybe you can?

I'm being honest here. You rarely see the races mixing together to play unless there's a real lack of people who come to play. And maybe except when the guys I play with (Caleb, Sathia, Pito, Sky, Vimmel, etc) join in an evening pick-up game with the Newcastle team (Ros, Kedah, Ijan, etc). Then there's this really funny mix of Malays, one very skillful ah beng ( this is a compliment, Caleb ;> ), Indians, guys of mixed parentage, and even a foreigner. Football may divide people but it also greatly unites them. Football is football. And in the evenings here it's usually good fun and great to kick that damn ball around with 'em while laughing at the latest guy to look bewildered and embarassed when he suddenly has the ball passed right through his legs ("dua posen siot!").

p.s. Anwar just showed me this video clip of Alizee performing this French song while wearing hot pants and thigh boots. *guhhhhhh..* (@@)

Arggh I have midterms next week. Haven't studied yet! Focus, Hidzad. Focus! And right now Anwar tengah pose tertonggeng while studying on his bed. Incredible, I tell you. Why do I seem so casual bout the midterms? Maybe it's cos it's a short semester and only lasts for 2 months. It just seems so... fleeting. Like that unfulfilling snack that doesnt last long. Nothing lasts, and yet nothing passes, either. And nothing passes just because nothing lasts.

2004-05-18T20:32:00.000+08:00

I Walked With Giants

Went to watch Troy with Anwar and Firdaus. Anwar said his butt hurt from sitting for so long while Firdaus was engrossed. I kept waiting for one of the main characters to fall flat on his face during one of those climatic and heroic moment. But alas, it did not happen. In my opinion, the war was caused by the stupidity and foolishness of humans.

Achilles: Leader of the Myrmidons and all-round alpha male bad-ass. But turned into a dumb-bird when he fell for Briseis. Thus, his fall and death.

Priam: Aged King of Troy, who had too much sentimentality but not enough common sense to listen to his sons. Thus, the fall and ruin of Troy.

Helen: The face that launched a thousand ships. Huh?? I wouldn't launch a rowboat for her.

Briseis: Now here is a worthy face. I'd launch a thousand ships, a couple of cows and the kitchen sink for this angelic Lolita.

Hektor a.k.a The Hulk: Son of Priam and New Age Sensitive Warrior of the Trojans. The only relatively sane person in the plot. Kept waiting for him to turn green.

Paris a.k.a Legolas: Youngest son of Priam and also a bit of a wuss. He's a lover, not a fighter. Puh-leaze. But miraculously after a few minutes of training, he grows elf-ears and manages to slay love-struck Achilles in the end.

Eudorus: Right hand man of Achilles with the most freaky green eyes I've ever seen. I think he has a hard-on for Achilles.

Agamemnon: The most powerful and petty Greek king. But as usual, the cowardly and cunning come out smelling like roses.

Odysseus a.k.a Boromir: The only likeable and distinguished Greek around.

And I also think that one of the main reasons the Trojans lost was that they had sissy looking armour. Compare that to the Greeks who looked downright menacing and were the type of people you wouldn't wanna meet in a dark alley. 'Nuff said.

Myths Women Have About Men

As perceptive as women can be, they have yet to figure out the male psyche, an interesting and sometimes frightening place from which men forge their own unique approach to life. So I've decided to help out.

1. Men are not interested in what women have to say
Men are interested in what women have to say. As long as it involves one of the following: Our favorite sport, our favorite activity or your naked body. For example, many men would find it extremely interesting if a woman said, 'A couple of years ago, I got so drunk that I showed up nude to a football game.' Ka-ching!

2. Men only think about sex
Yes, thinking about sex takes up a good portion of our brain power, but we don't spend all of our free time pondering when we'll make our next move. There are actually plenty of women who are more interested in sex than we are. (It's true!)

3. He's spoiling me, so he must have plenty of money
Nope, sorry. Us guys will go a little outside our comfort level to woo you, but we do plan to return gradually to our normal level as you fall, hopefully, madly in love with us

4. If I sleep with him on the first date, he won't respect me
Not necessarily. My impression of you is based more on how you treat me and how we connect than whether or not we're intimate on the first date. *tee hee*

5. I can change him
Sorry again. Oh, you might get us to behave differently for a while. We might wear some newer shirts or clean up after ourselves for a few weeks, but we're only doing it because we want to do it. At least that is what we're telling ourselves.

6. Men are interested in my dating history
Nuh-uh. We don't care if you've had one or 20 partners; just don't tell us about any of them.

7. Men don't like women who make the first move.
Wrong-o. We like it cos then it's less work for us and shows you have good taste.

8. Men are strong
Nope. We're babies, especially when we've got a cold or break our fragile hearts, and when you don't reply to our messages which we thought long and hard to make it sound just right.

*I paraphrased this from something I read

2004-05-15T15:42:00.000+08:00

at 3.42pm
"Are Those Astronaut Pants? Cos Your Ass Is Outta This World!"

Don't have any specific thing to write about and I don't really wanna antagonize anyone today so I'll just recap yesterday. Friday was pretty boring in terms of doing anything. Cos basically I didn't do anything. Was in the apartment most of the day. Just spent it catching the breeze talking to Anwar and Faqroul (The Seemingly Always Singles Club?). I'd like to say we spent the time discussing intellectual issues but I'd rather not lie. It was basically of nothingness in particular but the topic of girls seemed to pop up at regular intervals. Do girls do this too? Hang out and talk 'bout guys? I can just imagine it, "Ooh, he's got a cute ass but only drives a Wira." or "He smiled at me! Me!". Chatted with Ina and she said I have a big ass. "Nuh-uh.". Mine is just nice, I think *Lol*. But I have to admit that Ina does have a rather cute derriere. Makes for pleasant viewing ;> Rather sexist, no?

Anwar went off to play tennis in the evening so me and Faqroul just hung out in my room. Surprise, surprise. The conversation was still mainly on the female species. Traded stories on our experiences. The sweet and bitter. How come my stories sound rather..erm.. extreme when compared to others? (Molestation, betrayal, the cops, bike rides, etc).

Went off for dinner at Bangi Bistro. Fatima, hot-goth waitress, said Ojan was taking the day off. Damn, there goes my extra portions of food. Faqroul said his pasta wasn't that good and my kebab was rather unfulfulling. Smiled at Fatima and she smiled back on the way outta there. I know Faqroul and Anwar want her. Durrrty people ;>. Only Firdaus seems to be immune to her silent charms.

Met up with Anwar again at the apartment. Did our whole usual, "Tak ajak makan, siot!" merajuk routine. After much prodding and cussing, finally managed to persuade Anwar to go out to Hartamas square with me and Faqroul at 12. Faqroul was disappointed cos he missed seeing a certain someone there. I also had my own reason for being disappointed. *Hrmph*.

So there we were at Hartamas Square. Lotsa people. The females were there for the food. The guys were there for the females. Saw Fasha-Lion-Hair there with her boyfriend. Did some sight-seeing. It's hard to look while trying to appear not to. Bad for the neck and eye muscles I think cos of all the silent straining involved. No brownies, so played a lil tug-of-war with Anwar for his waffles.

I've said before that my life has been pretty good lately. And it still is. But it's always the small stuff with big decisions that seems to unsettle me. In taking a decison you gotta analyze the risk. And my risk analysis algorithm always seems to be heading to the negative side. I tend to think of the doom-and-gloom scenario rather than the over-the-rainbow potential. Maybe cos I don't wanna get disappointed. Everytime one of these decisions comes up, I always have this uneasy feeling which forms in the pit of my stomach. But I also try to give myself a pep talk. So my feelings just hang there, swinging wildly from sorrow to joy and back to sorrow again in seconds. And this continually preys on my mind til I feel like I'm losing it. So usually, I finally just decide to go for it. We'll have to see how this turns out. Keepin' my fingers crossed everything turns out okay, cos I'll then finally be able to let out some elation that's been secretly kept in a hole for quite awhile. If not, then it'll be, "Damn my stupid mouth again.".

Thank you Sally for the new pic. Damn your boyfriend cos he deleted the rest! And also huge thanks for the cucuk-mencucuk. Keep it up ;)
And big-up to Taufiq in your quest to conduct a hostile takeover of that Malay Club-thingie at MMU. They won't know what hit 'em. And if there happens to be some treasury money lying around, you know who to find haha.

at 6.30pm
YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH...!

* I run all around with arms out-stretched like an airplane doing lazy turns in the saphire sky with a stupid-ass grin plastered on my face*

*sigh* :)

2004-05-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

Take Me To Your Leader, Earthling!

I have World Civ at 8am from Tuesday to Thursday. Aargh. This means I usually head off to class in a catatonic and zombie-like state. So today as usual, I got to class a bit late with Jeremy. The lecurer, Mr Muhidin Mulalic, was mumbling something about a group project. 10 people in a group. Figured I could join a group of friends.

Lo and behold, when suddenly he says he's already determined the groups and we should come down to check the name lists perfectly spaced on the polished wood lecture stage like brilliant white teeth to see which group we're in. So I amble on down the theater steps with Firdaus, while hoping to get in a group which hopefully had a few friends. Was struggling to take a peek at the lists but didn't manage to 'cos people were all around 'em like groupies scrambling to get Jessica Alba's autograph. "Chill out people!". Jeremy then comes up to me and says I'm in his group. I'm relieved. Then I suddenly see this grin of his.Hmmm.

People are finally dispersing and I get a look at the name list of my group. Search for my name but can't find it. Uh-oh.

Then I notice this name in bold right at the very top of the list. 'Hidzad Lahuree. (Group Leader)' .

Awwww shit.

Why?? Me?

What is wrong with Mr Muhidin? Doesn't he know that he's putting the academic future of nine other students in my hands?? My hands! I can barely do any assignment that's given to me! How da supersapiens am I supposed to be a leader and get other people to do their work?? How to inspire them so they actually give a shit, to help mould and create a brilliant presentation, to be a messiah and point them towards the enlightened path? I feel as if a heavy weight has fallen on my shoulders. This is my burden. With great power comes great responsibility. *Sigh*.
Hmmm.. Or I could just order people around and get them to do everything. *Evil grin spreads slowly across my face*.
And hey, at least Ms Funky-Pink-Pants is in my group. Ooh yeah ;p.

But besides this slight glitch, life has been really good for quite awhile lately. I've never come close to reaching depressed-and-moody mode yet. I'm actually feeling quite content. Carefree even. Interesting. Hope it lasts.

Well anyhow, Firdaus's blog has his kasut idaman. This is mine. It's a pair of kicks i designed at NikeID. Nice? It's a cool site where you can design and customize your own pair of Nike's. Notice my name on the shoes. Too bad they only deliver in the US. Damn.

And these are my very own pair of kicks that I wear. This is the favourite of all my shoes. But they hold a terrible secret.

And thank you sooo much, Peng Ai, for the great gift. I can now bring my football boots to the field in style. Stylo-mylo. Skill tak penting, tapi gaya kena ada.

2004-05-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

Of Sliding Tackles and Friends

It was a perfect evening. Nice warm sunshine and blue skies. Went out to play football, but somehow all the fields were devoid of people. Maybe everyone just decided the day was too perfect to be ruined with sweating and running on the green carpet.
Was still hoping for some people to show up, even some of the ex-teammates who screwed me over during last sem's tournament, but to no avail. I was just that desperate to play.
'True friends stab you in the front', as quoted from Tash.
I played with the backstabbing ex-teammates a few days ago in the drizzling rain, and it turned into a rather rough, elbows out, sliding tackles and people tumbling kinda pick-up game. It was more of an 'us' against 'them' kinda thing. Gang Baik vs Gang Jahat. I was sent flying a couple of times and returned the favour by sending some of the opposition sprawling to kiss the earth a few times. The unspoken rule of the evening pick-up game is to offer a hand after these sort of incidents and say, "Sorry".
But in my heart of hearts, the words that I was itching to spit it out were, "Unless you suddenly dig a hole with your bare hands and hide in it, I'm about to fire in 10 goals on your lame ignorant ass and everybody you brought with you and the horse you rode in on. Oh, that's not a horse, that's your mama? Excuuuuuuse me. The first goal I ram in is gonna be just for her. Happy Mother's day."

But I manage to keep the anger and bruised ego in check. Usually.

And I'm not like this most of the time. I do understand that what happens on the field stays on the field. So I am a sane person and as normal as I can be most of the time. I have friends who I can hang out with. A few very close people I can talk to and get advice from. Even a kinky friend or two. *wink*. I even read and watch TV shows like 'Friends', like most other people.
What's up with 'Friends' nowadays anyway? It's rather lame. It wasn't always this way. The first few seasons of 'Friends' were pretty cool and uproariously funny. They were constantly fending off nitpicking parents and nosy neighbours. They busted each other's chops, made constant wisecracks, ripped each other's latest boyfriends and girlfriends. Some of them had a little money, others were pretty much broke, and there was always tension between the haves and the have-nots. And they were always happiest just sitting around and doing nothing.
Heck, this resembled my life somewhat! Maybe I wasn't dancing in a water fountain or having a kid with my lesbian ex-wife; but for the most part, this was me. I could relate. We all had friends like Chandler and Joey, guys who roomed together for too long and almost started to take on couple tendencies (in a funny way). We all knew an over-sensitive, irritating guy like Ross, or an adorable ditz like Phoebe. We all knew two hot chicks who didn't have boyfriends and laughed at everyone else's jokes. (Okay, maybe that was a stretch.). Each actor was at least somewhat likable. Well, except Schwimmer the dork.
The jokes lately just haven't been all that funny (funny as in holding onto your stomach , throwing your head back, and goin, 'muahaha!'). And it seems kinda like a soap opera with a laugh track now. Everyone seems to have responsibilities, and even Joey has a regular acting gig for cryin' out loud. Their lives seem sickeningly sweet and are filled with group hugs. And all those weird love triangles?! Every guy knows the cardinal rule. You never ever hook up with your best friend's sister or his ex-girlfriend if he still loves her. And especially if she happens to be pregnant with his child. If I wanted love triangles and long story-arcs, I'd rather watch 'The O.C.', which seems to be a reincarnation of 'Beverly Hills 90210'.
'Friends' just doesn't seem to have that connection with real life no more. Sad. The show had 'greatness' potential but never fulfilled it.

And Annette, thanks for the Flintstones name bracelet. It helps brighten up the day :)

And One Utama has the best ratio for most hot babes per square meter. Kudos to the management. Keep up the good work!

2004-05-08T13:55:00.000+08:00

Pengalaman Yang Sangat Menakutkan

Kehidupan saya penuh onak dan duri. Tempat tinggal saya selalu mengalami banjir dan dilanda ribut taufan yg mengandungi asid dan alkali. Walau bagaimanapun, saya sentiasa dikelilingi sahabat handai.
Tetapi, pada hari semalam, sesuatu telah berlaku yang mengubah hidup saya. Kami telah dibawa ke sesuatu tempat yang asing. Dengan secara mengejut, ramai kawan saya yang ditarik daripada kami semua! Mereka menjerit kesakitan. Saya hanya mampu tengok bersama rakan-rakan yang terselamat. Kami bagaikan dipukau.
Mereka yang bernasib malang ini telah dikumpulkan dan dilemaskan sepenuhnya dengan sesuatu cecair yang pekat dan berbau busuk. Mereka mengerang kesakitan bagaikan badan mereka terbakar. Pergerakan mereka semakin keras, dan selepas itu mereka telah ditinggallkan. Kami tak terdaya untuk membantu.
Selepas kira-kira sejam, suatu banjir besar telah berlaku. Kami semua dibasahi. Ada antara rakan-rakan yang tidak mampu melawan dan mereka telah dihanyutkan dan terus hilang. Akhirnya, suatu angin panas telah tiba di akhir banjir tersebut. Kami akhirnya terselamat. Tetapi ramai kawan yang telah berubah akibat kesan daripada cecair misteri itu. Mereka kini telah seolah-olah menjadi mutan, dan kini berwarna coklat keperangan, dan tidak mampu bergerak sebebas dahulu. Oh, malangnya hidup kami semua.
Setelah mengalami penderitaan itu, kami diberi ganjaran dan telah dibawa menonton Van Helsing di panggung wayang. Pada pendapat saya, Encik Bram Stoker sudah pasti menangis sebak dan tergolek-golek di dalam kuburnya jika beliau menonton cerita tersebut.

Saya antara helaian rambut Hidzad yang telah terselamat daripada diwarnakan.

2004-05-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

Queer Relationship Issues For The Straight Guy

My laptop has been giving me an excessive amount of problems. Kinda like the clingy girlfriend who seems to be made of fluff and won't shut up. It's been infected by the Trojan Horses (no, Brad Pitt isn't involved in this). Crap. And I don't have my original Dell and Windows cd's cos they were stolen. So you might say me and the missus are still trying to work things out but are slowly and surely drifting apart. One day when I scrape some money together, I will replace you with that hot new 2.4 GigaHertz Next Top Supermodel version, love.

I've met up with quite a few old friends lately. The question that seems to pop up like clockwork seems to be, "Who you with now, Hidzad?". The usual consistent reply of mine would be, "No one", or the more popular change of topic, "Asal kau hensem skarang?". Inevitably, these sort of replies will result in synchronized exclamations such as, "You lah, Hidzad. Choosy sangat!", or the utterly non-witty, "Gay, eh, Hidzad?". So choosing to ignore the latter, I'll attempt to address the former.

The fact is that I am not choosy. I've never been one of the type of people to have a checklist of qualities that I seek in another person (great legs- check!, sexy cherry lips- check!). Nope, never been one of those. The truth is that I haven't had a serious girlfriend in years, and even those were more towards infatuations rather than.. ermm.. love? Infatuation, to me, is an unreasonable attraction to someone. An unhealthy addiction . Love is when you can seem to recall in intimate detail all the little quirks and features about her. Memorize her different type of smiles. When she has that twinkle in her eye and that sly grin when she's about to launch a rebuke to something idiotic you say. And many many more undefinable intangibles.
I think that sadly, I've always been attracted to the wrong type of girl. The type that just doesn't like me *lol*. Don't get me wrong here. They don't hate me or anything. But the, "We're just really good friends" speech gets old after awhile. Especially when it comes from that particular certain someone who I've fallen for since a long time ago, but never managed to articulate it perfectly into words just how much she means to me. Instead, I had to make do with a tongue-tied statement of the feelings I had for her.
"Perhaps, it might have been"- The saddest words of pen and tongue according to erm.. some dead poet. The sense of disappointment never quite manages to fade away even with the passing of time. And maybe I do stil carry around some hope that things might work out somehow someday.

After thinkin' for awhile, I do have to admit that there are certain traits that I am attracted to. But I dont think they're really that specific. Stuff like she has to have a come-hither stare or she has to have green eyes or a bubblegum tongue. The qualities that do attract me are rather more general and vague:

1) A pretty face.
Whoa there, horsie. Before you have a knee-jerk reaction and label me as a superficial jerk (not that it hasn't been said many times before), think about it for a minute. Physical attraction does play a part in any relationship. Yes, yes, I know bout the whole 'It's the beauty on the inside that matters', and 'Looks don't last', thing. But also being attracted to that person for how they look does add a certain spice, no? It isn't everything but it does help. And besides, I'm just saying something that most people would secretly agree with anyway. Even the most righteous and indignant of you. I mean, would you really be interested in getting to know the fat slob who has milk splattered on his/her shirt? Nope, didn't think so. But I also can't define 'pretty'. It's just a face that I'm attracted to and makes me give a double take, I guess. I have friends who say that that they dont mind if she's not pretty but she has to have a great body. As one of 'em wittily but crudely put it, "Cover the face, fire the base". But I'm a face person kinda guy and always will be. (Say hel-lo to hatemail).

2) Intelligent with a sense of humour.
I don't mean this like she needs to constantly cracks jokes or anything. And being a narrow-minded kiasu is a total turn-off too. I'm not really sure how to explain this. There's a chemistry. It's just a kinda vibe that you feel. That person will just somehow manage to make you smile and laugh. Even when they're not around. Hopefully she'll feel the same way too. And the intelligence that I mean isn't the textbook kinda smarts. It's more kinda like that she has her own well-formed opinions on issues and isn't afraid to express 'em. And even inane conversations but which are filled with wit and sarcasm are a joy. I know that 'Intelligence is sexy' is a huge cliche, but I have to admit that there is truth in it.

3) Someone who's actually attracted to me.
'Nuff said.

I'd like to think that I'm capable of the odd moment of intellectual brilliance but I know I'm sounding like a
typical male here. Rather un-evolved and bratty, perhaps. Unable to cope and not being able to handle an unexpected situation. I mean, what would happen if the future girlfriend happens to faint or keels over during a game where Tottenham Hotspur are on the verge of winning the FA Cup? When the tension of the last five minutes constricts my chest and forces the all the blood to my head and splurt out through my ears, if that is biologically possible.
Would I have the decency, the maturity, the common sense, to make sure she was properly looked after? Or would I shove her limp body to one side, carry on screaming obscenities at the TV, and hope that she is breathing at the end of ninety minutes, presuming, of course, that extra time and penalties are not required?
I know these worries are prompted by the little boy in me who refuses to grow up, but I do have some words of wisdom (which I probably plagiarized from somewhere else).

We can make as many conditions and criterias for the person we like, but at the end of the day, we'll always make exceptions for the one we love.
This, I do believe. Absolutely.

* This.. commentary(?) was brought on by Hazry, and our brief conversation on how unfathomable the female species are. Annette has to share the blame too because of her 'A and B' psyche quiz *lol*. These events triggered off a richochet effect which has set me adrift on memory agony. Or to put it more precisely, a self-inflicted melancholic mental torture. My apologies.
And I also give a two thumbs up rating to Nick Hornby's 'Fever Pitch'. A wonderful narrative on football and life.

2004-05-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

Villa 1 - 0 Spurs. Damn.

So I haven't gone back to Kuantan for the long weekend. This is 'coz my parents are here in KL to handle some stuff 'bout the apartment in Cheras. And my sisters tagged along. Met up with 'em at One Utama. So as usual when the parents are in town, it means free all-you-can-eat food and new books (nerd alert!). Met up with 'em at the new MPH in OU. It is absolutely freakin' huge. Two floors! Manna from heaven. Ended up buying Nick Hornby's -'Fever Pitch', Salman Rushdie's ' -'The Ground Beneath Her Feet', and Philip Roth's -'The Human Stain'. Not the usual stuff that I read, but tryin' to expand my horizon. I like the British dry kinda wit, while Rushdie is a geat writer even with a Fatwa bulls-eye on his head, and Roth is brilliant. Or so I hear. We'll see how it goes.

Then pigged out at TGIF. Was starving, so was hell-bent on eating as much as possible till all the blood goes to my stomach and I pass out on the table. Had the seafood platter while grabbing dibs on the nachos and cheesesteak. Mmmmm.. Then had dessert. Strawberry short cake. Dissappointing. The so-called cake turned out to be fat cookies that were rather hard and tasted like plastic. Slightly edible plastic. Plastic probably has more flavour than those lame cookies.

My parents then headed off to IKEA. Wasn't that interested in tagging along. Thought I might meet up with Ina for yumcha, but she was out with her mom and auntie. They happened to be in OU too, but didn't think it was wise to drag her kickin' and screaming away from 'em. Being convicted of kidnapping carries a heavy sentence I hear. So decided to walk around OU. Damn the place is huge now. Lotsa shops. Was wide-eyed walking around looking at all the new outlets. And ogling the hot lookin' ladies. Yummy. OU is now, in my opinion, the best place to go shopping and grab some food. It's got swanky outlets like Hilfiger, CK, FCUK, Versace (vastly over-rated) and even Brooks Bros. I like Brooks Bros 'coz they make really stylish suits. The perfect suit with the right tie and shirt can make a guy feel like the King of the World. El Numero Uno (I sound like I'm a regular at these places, no? Well, I can name-check with the best of 'em). But it's also got nice smaller shops which I'm intrigued by. Maybe I can drag Ina or Annette to one of 'em to look for Peng Ai's super belated birthday gift. Plus there was this long wall that had a mural with tiles hand-painted by kids. I thought that was sweet and cute.

Well, while passing by Nautica, i saw this really cool white shirt which I thought looked pretty cool. Had a peek at the price. $200. Eek! Aaack! Why?! Definitely can't afford it. Unless I'm willing to survive on bread and jam for a month or two. Why wasn't I born in the family of a Tan Sri or royalty? Then maybe I could afford the shirt without blinking. Actually I think if I had loads of money, I'd probably turn into some kinda egoistical monster-ish brat. Even now my ego is the size of a two-storey house. Which seems intent to be renovated to a three storey house to keep the ego in check. If I was a millionaire-in-waiting I'd probably be the type to flaunt it. Flash the cash, baby. So maybe it is better for me that I'm perpetually semi-broke. How would someone else be if they were weighed down with the burden of moolah? A nice burden, perhaps. What kinda person would they turn out to be. Unless of course they're already seriously loaded. Damn you.

Ojan, a really old friend of mine, has just opened a restaurant in Bangi. 'Bangi Bistro' in Section 15. Anwar fell in love with Fatima, the waitress, while we were there. Plus it's a pretty cool place. This to add to Ojan's restaurant in PJ and resort in Pangkor. You're well on your way to being a self-made millionare, man. Hope you'll still remember me.

2004-04-27T00:18:00.000+08:00

"Welcome To My Hell"

I went to my first class (E-Commerce) of this sem with surprising eagerness. Three weeks of almost solitary isolation at home kinda does that to you. So I'm actually early to class. Wow. Stupendous. The lecturer, Mr Hakim, gives the usual intro speech. Bla bla bla. He seems kinda like a nice guy. But I get the impression his style of marking papers is gonna be strict. So he tells us that E-Comm is actually a final year subject and those of us who aren't in our final year (yours truly included) are probably restricting final year students from graduating. Aww that's a crying shame for 'em. But not my problem.

Then he goes to the project that we're required to do. We actually have to design our own freakin' working Web portal. Kinda like Yahoo but also with E-Comm transaction features. I think we're probably gonna have to use ASP.Net and do some hard coding with some HCI stuff for the interface (Sounds very IT-ish, no? I can bullshit with the best of 'em). So the resident class IT genius (definitely not me) asks a question 'bout using a local host or we're supposed to upload our work on the Web, and I'm like, "Huh? Whatda...?". Mr Hakim also adds that we're supposed to actually know how to do the coding ourselves and the lab tutor is only supposed to guide us and give comments, since it's a final year subject and all. 'Uh-oh.'

Continuing, he also nonchalantly mentions that only one student so far has ever scored an 'A' for E-Comm. And lots have gotten D's and C's. Double 'Uh-oh'.

My lecturer, Mr Hakim (who seems to be growing horns by the second in my opinion), asks the class if we still have time to drop the class from our schedule. A few answer with a meek "No". He gives this side-long stare at the class and adds a sly grin. He seems to be savouring his next few words.

With a dead-pan expression and arms out-stretched, he proclaims, "Welcome to my hell."

Oh, shit.

You could almost feel the oxygen being drained out of the cozy lecture hall from the instant sharp intake of breath from everyone. Plus there's all the bug-eyed expressions and hands gripping onto the edge of tables for dear life. Or maybe it was just me that was doing all that. And finally, the few brave ones let out some nervous laughter. In my opinion, Mr Hakim transformed from a pretty decent person into the 'Spawn of the Devil' the second those immortal words escaped his lips. Thus I dub thee, Mr Hakim my E-Comm lecturer, as "Hellboy."

I hope to God that tomorrow's World Civ class will be more mundane and less traumatic. Wish me luck as I do battle for God, country, and my IT degree.

*Thanks to Adibah for the leather bracelet straight from Sabah. And to Anwar, yang telah dibelasah 3-0 main Winning 11 on the PS2, the era of Hidzad the Bad-Ass has cometh. Practice harder, man *lol*

2004-04-23T15:49:00.000+08:00

Honk!! Move It Or Lose It, Honey!

So ok this is my last day home. Got a 4 hour trip to prepare for. It's a freakin' long drive. So if you see a guy who seems to be talking to himself while zooming along to KL in his ~~Porsche~~ Wira buruk, that would be me. Got stuff to pack and things to do. I'm a busy man! Yeah, rite. Leavin' very very early (6 am !!)'cos gotta meet up with Anwar at 10am to apply for an apartment at Cendikiawan. Yup, apply. Not register. Yours truly, dengan penuh selamba badak terlupa nak apply for a room during last semester. So hoping that there are actually empty apartments available at Uniten 'cos I moved outta my out-of-campus digs. Gotta sleep early tonight, but the boob tube's showin' Meet Joe Black. Always had a thing for Claire Forlani in that movie. She looks so ethereal in it. *sigh*
Actually itching to get back to Uniten. It's not that I love the freshly-chopped-down-tree smell of textbooks or dont like staying at home. Just that I'm lookin' forward to seeing most of my friends and playing football again. White adidas boots, how I've missed you. Having my butt stuck at home is really boring. Not much entertaining stuff to do. Unless if you count playin' head-tag with my lil sis as exciting. Whoopee. And you know you're an Internet addict when you start saying 'Lol', instead of actually laughing, ~~lol~~ haha.
Been watching alotta movies at home. Why is it that in most romantic comedies it's always the girl that makes the first move? Or is it just a Western thing? Are Asian women just too shy to make the first move? Come on, girls! You can do it if you really put some effort into it. Or is it just that stuff like this never happens to me often enough.
And in most movies how come the good guy always has to win or the guy/girl always gets the.. ermm.. guy/girl. I would like to see more pain and heartache as an ending. Enough of the baddies getting thrown into jail or the world getting saved or that long kiss with cameras swooping around the lovebirds. Let's have the world getting blown up and the gooey couple breaking up and eventually leading miserable lives. I mean, some of the greatest movies I've watched have endings which just throws you for a loop. E.g. The Usual Suspects and Se7en and.. ermm.. and.. etc etc!
And is it just me or does Hellboy.. oops! My bad. Wouldn't want your brain to get contaminated by that boo-boo word now would I. I meant it may be just me, but I swear Mr Super-Sapien looks like Ted Danson from Cheers/ Becker.
Hair's getting longer too. Has anyone ever noticed that all those shampoo commercials are targetted specifically for women? Don't guys use shampoo too? I think there's this whole untapped market just waiting to be exploited here. Hmm.. maybe I'll send an e-mail to the CEO of Pantene. I mean do all these shampoo's with a girl smiling on the packaging actually work for us guys? Aren't we just a lil bit different biologically from women. Different hair structure, perhaps. What if the shampoo has some weird side effect on guys that gradually takes hold, and turns us into psychotic ranting weirdos. Uh-oh

Oh yeah, so how do you like the new layout? Sakit mata, non? My blog is goin' all wacko. The comment boxes fritzed out on me, and the tag board is acting up too. I'm an IT student for cryin' out loud. I should know how to fix this! But instead of dilligently studying the codes and fixing 'em, what do I do? I click the Refresh button and scream, "You better watch out, Mr Tag-Board! Or else I'll have to replace you like I did to Mr Comment-Box!". If only the people at JPA knew how their scholarship money is being wasted.

Okay.. obviously I'm sounding inane here. The lack of cohesive sentences probably clued you in too. My blog is definitely not the place for thought provoking issues that's gonnal stimulate the grey-matter upstairs. But I don't care! This is mine! All mine!! (cue evil laughter)

Catch ya on the flip side.

2004-04-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

True friends are hard to come by.

I need more money.

The Land Before Time
Went out and bought a Kappa messenger bag. Pretty nice looking, I gotta admit, haha. So was grabbing lunch with a friend when we came across this article in a newspaper. It touched on why us guys always turn our head, ogle, or drool when a girl passes by.
So why do we gentlemen give every good-looking specimen who happens to pass by a "once over", even when we have the love of our life next to us? Not that I've done it yet. Having a love of my life, I mean.
Rejoice and take heart, girls! Based on a some legitimate sounding sex expert, these are merely "blank stares"- mindless and harmless. When we do it, it's a complete vacuum in the room upstairs called the brain. It's not like we're plotting some nefarious scheme on how to snag the girl. As if... haha.
So how did this happen? For that, we gotta go back... waaaaaay back... back into time...
Back in the days of the cavemen, us men were built to be hunters; we'd find a target and throw a spear at it. Thus, we developed a good depth of field vision, but the focus is narrow. This is the reason why us men cant find those damn keys on the shelf or the Coke can in the fridge. We go blank or blind when faced with so many things. We dont have the ability to scan.
But for cavewomen, their job was to basically look after the babies. So cavewomen had to be able to scan their surroundings for threats. This was especially useful to avoid the young ones from getting gobbled up by the big, bad T-Rex. So, women finally developed this extremely good scanning vision.
Imagine this. A scenario would be a girl/woman is walking with her significant other. Chances are she would've spotted the competition in the mini-skirt with the hot-bod three mamak shops away with her extraordinary 180 degrees scanning vision. So she proceeds to discreetly give the unlucky lass the evil eye from afar. Then, she waits to pounce. Her poor innocent guy finally notices the pretty thing when she happens to pass by, and with the whiff of perfume still lingering, Mz. Girlfriend promptly goes "Roaaar!! You unfaithful jerk!" and gives him a really hard time for just looking. Poor us, guys *sigh*
So from me- cut us some slack, girls. It's not our fault. It's just how we were built. And best of all, it's even scientifically proven. I hope.

*I really gotta stop writing 'bout girls. I need more substance in my life to turn into a fine upstanding citizen. This is pathetic. Damn damn damn.

2004-04-15T13:43:00.000+08:00

My Top 3 Places to Take a Hot Date

I am soooo bored at home. Wake up, eat, Net, TV, read, eat, Net, eat, Net, TV, sleep. Multiply that by 21 days and that's what I've been doing and will be doing for the holidays. And even reading Dracula seems kinda slow and tedious. When will it move on from Mina Harker??
Been avoiding directly addressing the topic of girls-slash-love so far 'cos it's gonna end up as a ranting and brooding, and "Hidzad! I think you're a jerk!" session. But I can feel my resolve weakening. I have conversations with fQrl and An-ne-ne-net-te to thank for that. Dammit.
So I've compromised and done this Top 3 list instead. The criteria to get into this prestigious list? Good food and affordability. Drumroll please...

3. Dave's Pasta, Pizza, and Vino. Ground Floor OU2.
This is the place for me for pasta that will taste great but wont cost the GDP of a small third world country. Great ambience with slightly dark lighting on the inside and you can grab a table by the sidewalk for a more casual feel. And I just love those places with waiters who ask, "More parmesan or blackpepper, sir?", and then proceeds to grind 'em out of those wooden thingies (pardon my description. no knowledge whatsoever of dining.. ermm..hardware...?).

2. California's. 1st Floor KLCC.
Great place to share a pizza. For lunch it has a light and airy vibe, while for dinner the view of KLCC lake and park really sets the mood. Once sat on the balcony and the girl totally swooned at the view. And the desserts are just outta this world. Try the brownies with ice cream mmmmm.... But Takuya Kimura a.k.a. Firdaus once told me he saw two male waiters kissin' each other while on his way to the bathroom. And I gotta admit the male waiters there are kinda..ermmm.. spiffy..(?)
Well anyhow.. It's still an amazing place to take that special someone for a casual kinda date.

1. Your local mamak stall.
In my opinion this the place to go if you wanna really get to know the opposite sex. Take her to the ugliest, durrrty-est place you can find. The kinda place where the water in the longkang looks kinda green and you're liable to get hit by a passing car if you sit by the road. No, I haven't just lost it and gone off the deep end. Someone told me that dates are when each of you lies to make yourself look good so you can go out on another date. I kinda believe that.
So the purpose of this mamak stall date is to really get to know that person. See how they react. If your date immediately proceeds to look for a tissue to wipe her seat and her spoon and fork, you know you're in trouble. Or if she furtively looks around to see if anyone notices that she's actually eating at a.. *gasp* mamak stall!! (eee-yerrr..), uh-oh. I once had a date who had this 'im-a-babe-get-me-outta-here' look, while wrinkling her nose throughout the time we were there and didn't order a single thing. Not a pretty sight and definitely not a good sign.
But if she just breezes in and is totally cool with everything and proceeds to charm the an-ne (authentic mamak guy who's in charge), you know she's a keeper and you're the luckiest person in the world.

Movie tickets: $20
Food and drinks: $10
Petrol: $5
Separating the bloodsuckers, flirt-friends, and keepers: Priceless

But hey- this is just my take on it, which is pretty shallow and superficial, I admit (hah! pre-empted the hatemail).
Damn I really need to start getting outta the house more. Anak dara pun kalah camni.

2004-04-14T17:21:00.000+08:00

CSI: Seremban
So there I was chatting online with a friend of mine around midnight. Let' call her Ne-Ne. She was first tellin' me stuff like how to make a bloated cow from papier mache. (huh? long story). Then she was showing me this site CrimeLibrary since she's such a crime-buff. Talked a bit about psycho-killers and what makes them tick. Did u know teenaged killers are mostly the quiet introverted type who keep everything inside till they suddenly just snap? ( Hmm sounds kinda like me..).
So around 3am she suddenly goes "You wont believe what happened". I just thought maybe she found some new weird song to download or discovered who Jack the Ripper really was. Suddenly she's telling me that some guy had tried to open the window to her room at her condo. And I'm like "what??!". So to cut the story short, the guy realized her condo wasnt empty when Ne-ne bravely woke up her dad and so the perp ran away. So everything's ok, right?
Well maybe not ok totally. I mean it must be pretty frightening to feel so un-safe in the place where you should feel the safest- your home. Imagine trying to sleep at night with that thought. Every single sound and creak is ampified and has gotta be messing up the thoughts in your head. I've even had a friend whose house was robbed while she and her sisters were sleeping. It was pretty lucky for her that they only took the valuables in her home and she was left untouched. How long would it take to ever feel safe again if something like that happened to me ?
I gotta admit that my life has been pretty safe. Never felt violated, stricken with panic or anything like that. Closest thing that ever happened to me was when someone stole my Dior higher eau de toilette, and camera from my room ( trivial to you, but I loved those things...). But last night scared the hell outta me cos I thought my friend was in serious danger and i was witnessing it and couldnt do a damn thing. Glad youre safe and there's still someone to make my flying piggy papier mache.
Funny thing was, the girl managed to chat with me almost throughout her whole episode, bar for a few long lapses which totally freaked me out. This amazing girl- if you can believe it or not- even managed to draw a diagram (?!) of how it happened right there and then.

- Diagram of crime scene.

- The alleged bloated cow/ doggy papier mache.